[blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children

[Leanne Merren]

Rhonda,
Is he involved with any kind of club or group activity outside of the home? 
I was having a lot of the same trouble with Mason until he started going to 
Cadettes at church on Wednesday nights.  This has made a big difference 
because I now have something to take away if he does wrong.  He actually had 
to stay home this week because he didn't turn in his homework when he was 
supposed to, and that has been an ongoing problem with him.  Once when he 
knocked down a picture with his ball and it broke, instead of telling me he 
tucked it under the couch.  Then when I found it and asked him about it, he 
lied and said he had no idea how that had happened.  I had asked his sister 
though and she had seen him do it and told me what happened.  So I had to 
force the truth out of him, and since he had lied to me he had to miss laser 
tag with Cadettes that week.  It broke my heart to do it both times, but it 
worked.  After he lost the laser tag outing he didn't lie for a really long 
time.  I'm hoping he'll get his homework in for a while now too. *smile*
The other good thing about the Cadettes program is that he has counselors 
there that he looks up to.  I believe that kids need role models outside of 
the home.  Parents of course have to do their best to teach them at home, 
since that is where it starts, but I think kids get tired of hearing the 
same things over and over from the same people, and having someone else that 
they respect can really make a difference.
Cadettes is just like boy scouts, so that is the sort of thing I'm thinking 
of.  Not sure if that is an option for him but it's a thought.
I've also gotten creative with my punishments, like making Mason run laps if 
he is doing things because he has too much energy and needs to get it out. 
I've also given him extra chores.
I do think you have to have clear boundaries and stick to them.  If he isn't 
allowed in the desk, then he shouldn't be in the desk.  Hopefully your 
husband is backing you up in these things.  You're going to get a lot 
farther if you are united in your disciplinary measures.
Leanne
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Rhonda Scott" <earthmagic7 at sbcglobal.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 4:40 PM
Subject: [blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children


> Hi all,
>
> How do some of you decide what is worth disciplining for, and what is 
> really not a huge deal? In our house we have quite a bit of fibbing and 
> lying, which is a very sore spot with me. We also have a tiny bit of Deven 
> helping himself to things that don't belong to him because he feels he 
> needs them for something he wants to do, or to food, which I don't mind so 
> much except he eats in the living room and leaves a trail behind him. It 
> really is a matter of asking for that screwdriver he needs to take the lid 
> off a battery compartment to replace the batteries in a toy. But desk 
> drawers where those are kept are 1 of the places off limits. He recently 
> took sewing needles from my sewing box because he wanted to poke holes in 
> something, and he did not take the time to tell me he broke those needles, 
> or to clean up the remnants of the needles.
>
> So I'm frustrated, and trying to learn to pick my battles. I have tried 
> explaining to him that some of the things he does can hurt people, like 
> fragments of needles in carpets, and that asking would really get him a 
> lot further than taking. But no taking away of things or discussing, or 
> explaining are getting me anywhere with him. Nothing he owns seems to mean 
> enough to him that punishing him by taking toys and such away makes any 
> difference.
>
> Thoughts and feedback appreciated.
>
> Rhonda
>
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