[blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children

Wed Jan 20 19:37:36 UTC 2010

You are doing a great job.  V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 6:14 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children

We just had his IEP on Wednesday. That is when I asked about homework when 
he enters Resource completely, which will begin on Monday. He has 3 or 4 
different teachers because the goal is to have the Resource room as his home

room, and some of his other classes with other students and teachers so he 
can eventually attend regular classes. His Resource teacher hands out a 
homework packet each Monday, so we do know that much and perhaps we can 
amend the IEP, depending on how he handles the work. We encourage all of his

teachers to call or email notes about his day and what they have assigned or

sent home with him. He is very wound up most of the time and tends to leave 
papers at school and tell us he didn't have anything to bring home, so 
communication between the school and us is important to me. Staff are busy, 
and sometimes it's frustrating to find out things after the fact. But I 
would just like to see him learn and push him to do that if I have to. He 
has a low self esteem about his intelligence, and I feel the only way to 
improve that is to encourage learning and progress.

So it is important, as you said, to make homework at home matter.

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, January 14, 2010 10:02 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children

If he has an IEP, can't you write that in about homework.  Another thing is,
that just because it doesn't matter at school, it could matter at home.  Of
course, you'd have to know when it was due.  If he can work at his own pace,
you might want to set up something with the teacher so that there is only an
adequate amount of time.  Say, if his regular education peers get a week to
do a report, you could have it take him two weeks?  Just a thought to help
with establishing a work ethic.
Barbara

A Congress that will always do its work in the dark must have something to
hide.  The people have spoken, yet they do not listen.

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Rhonda Scott" <earthmagic7 at sbcglobal.net>
Sent: Thursday, January 14, 2010 3:08 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children

> These are great ideas, Leanne and I thank you.
>
> Unfortunately, we do not belong to a church. I think I am the only person
> in
> our household who is open to choosing one. But perhaps there are community
> activities we can tap into. That will take some research. One thing
> recently
> is basketball tryouts after school for the next couple of weeks, then he
> will find out if he made the team. So we will have that to take away if
> his
> behaviors become major issues. He's very excited to be allowed to try out.
> I
> agree with you that he is tired of being punished and scolded by the same
> people. He has a teacher at school he looks up to, and he has a counselor
> who is relatively new, but who he is beginning to ask about in terms of
> when
> he will see her again. I think these are good signs.
>
> My husband backs me up completely. If we have minor disagreements, we talk
> about them privately. It has just come to the point for me that I don't
> know
> of a punishment that will have any impact on Deven repeating the action in
> the future. Deven requires a fair amount of attention, and he will seek
> negative attention if he feels he is not getting enough positive
> attention.
> During the week when both Steve and I work 10 hour days, it's hard on
> Deven
> because he needs to entertain and amuse himself. Like Mason, he has a ton
> of
> pent up energy that gets him in trouble at times.
>
> But at any rate, I think those of you who shared that activities outside
> the
> home would do wonders are absolutely right. We get nervous that he might
> get
> angry over something and have an episode in a group setting with lots of
> other children, but that would just mean he would have to miss out as his
> punishment.
>
> Oh, and homework will be an issue here as well. The difference is, Deven
> is
> going into Resource, and not turning his in will not count against him at
> this time. We're very proud that he's making the transition from a self
> contained classroom to the Resource room. I just want to somehow encourage
> him to care about meeting his learning goals, and not think how cool it is
> when he learns he doesn't really have to do the work assigned.
>
> Rhonda
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Leanne Merren" <leemer02 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, January 14, 2010 2:14 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children
>
>
> Rhonda,
> Is he involved with any kind of club or group activity outside of the
> home?
> I was having a lot of the same trouble with Mason until he started going
> to
> Cadettes at church on Wednesday nights.  This has made a big difference
> because I now have something to take away if he does wrong.  He actually
> had
> to stay home this week because he didn't turn in his homework when he was
> supposed to, and that has been an ongoing problem with him.  Once when he
> knocked down a picture with his ball and it broke, instead of telling me
> he
> tucked it under the couch.  Then when I found it and asked him about it,
> he
> lied and said he had no idea how that had happened.  I had asked his
> sister
> though and she had seen him do it and told me what happened.  So I had to
> force the truth out of him, and since he had lied to me he had to miss
> laser
> tag with Cadettes that week.  It broke my heart to do it both times, but
> it
> worked.  After he lost the laser tag outing he didn't lie for a really
> long
> time.  I'm hoping he'll get his homework in for a while now too. *smile*
> The other good thing about the Cadettes program is that he has counselors
> there that he looks up to.  I believe that kids need role models outside
> of
> the home.  Parents of course have to do their best to teach them at home,
> since that is where it starts, but I think kids get tired of hearing the
> same things over and over from the same people, and having someone else
> that
> they respect can really make a difference.
> Cadettes is just like boy scouts, so that is the sort of thing I'm
> thinking
> of.  Not sure if that is an option for him but it's a thought.
> I've also gotten creative with my punishments, like making Mason run laps
> if
> he is doing things because he has too much energy and needs to get it out.
> I've also given him extra chores.
> I do think you have to have clear boundaries and stick to them.  If he
> isn't
> allowed in the desk, then he shouldn't be in the desk.  Hopefully your
> husband is backing you up in these things.  You're going to get a lot
> farther if you are united in your disciplinary measures.
> Leanne
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Rhonda Scott" <earthmagic7 at sbcglobal.net>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 4:40 PM
> Subject: [blparent] Choosing Your Battles with Your Children
>
>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> How do some of you decide what is worth disciplining for, and what is
>> really not a huge deal? In our house we have quite a bit of fibbing and
>> lying, which is a very sore spot with me. We also have a tiny bit of
>> Deven
>> helping himself to things that don't belong to him because he feels he
>> needs them for something he wants to do, or to food, which I don't mind
>> so
>> much except he eats in the living room and leaves a trail behind him. It
>> really is a matter of asking for that screwdriver he needs to take the
>> lid
>> off a battery compartment to replace the batteries in a toy. But desk
>> drawers where those are kept are 1 of the places off limits. He recently
>> took sewing needles from my sewing box because he wanted to poke holes in
>> something, and he did not take the time to tell me he broke those
>> needles,
>> or to clean up the remnants of the needles.
>>
>> So I'm frustrated, and trying to learn to pick my battles. I have tried
>> explaining to him that some of the things he does can hurt people, like
>> fragments of needles in carpets, and that asking would really get him a
>> lot further than taking. But no taking away of things or discussing, or
>> explaining are getting me anywhere with him. Nothing he owns seems to
>> mean
>> enough to him that punishing him by taking toys and such away makes any
>> difference.
>>
>> Thoughts and feedback appreciated.
>>
>> Rhonda
>>
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>
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