[blparent] What's your Opinion of spanking

Leanne Merren leemer02 at gmail.com
Mon Nov 15 18:34:38 UTC 2010 

When I was attending MOP's (Mothers of Preschoolers), I observed several 
parents with toddlers throwing tantrums, and it seemed like the other 
parents usually either kept their distance, or asked what they could do to 
help.  My experience is, with me, it's almost like they want to take over 
with my child instead of asking how they can help.  I'm sure they probably 
mean well, but they go about it in the wrong way and it is very frustrating. 
This isn't to say that it never happens to sighted parents, but I think it 
seems to happen more to the parents who don't seem quite as confident in 
what they're doing to handle the situation.  Although I feel confident in 
handling my child, I may be a little concerned about whether my child might 
try to run from me, or do something I'm not prepared for, and maybe that 
makes me falter a bit?  So I think if we can try to show confidence, and, 
like Debbie said, maintain control of the situation, people will back off.
Leanne
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Deborah Kent Stein" <dkent5817 at att.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, November 15, 2010 1:22 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Opinion of spanking


>
>
> As Jo Elizabeth points out, members of the general public can try to get 
> involved in ways that are a lot less than helpful.  I think that can 
> happen to all parents but I suspect that it is especially likely to happen 
> to us as parents who are blind.  We need to be very clear that we're in 
> control - and it's hard to feel in control sometimes when a kid is having 
> a tantrum or running away or sassing back in front of our in-laws!
>
> Debbie
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Leanne Merren" <leemer02 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 11:22 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Opinion of spanking
>
>
>> Hi Debbie,
>> That is a really good question.  I have found that taking away priveleges 
>> works best for us.  If we are in a grocery store, I will let the kids 
>> walk along next to me as long as they behave, but if they start wandering 
>> off or touching things, or just acting out in whatever way, they sit in 
>> the cart (if they are little), or they have to hold my hand.  Usually a 
>> firm repremand does the trick in that situation though.  For fun events, 
>> making them sit still for a bit and not play seems to get the point 
>> across.  I've never had to use any other punishment when we were out.
>> Leanne
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Deborah Kent Stein" <dkent5817 at att.net>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 11:49 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Opinion of spanking
>>
>>
>>>
>>>
>>> I think as blind parents we sometimes feel particularly vulnerable when 
>>> our kids act out in a public situation, since we're always aware that 
>>> we're being observed and that our parenting abilities are being 
>>> questioned.  I am wondering what methods others have found helpful when 
>>> a child gets out of hand at a picnic, school event, wedding reception, 
>>> etc. For instance, if the blind parent got a ride with someone else, 
>>> then packing up and leaving may not be an option.
>>>
>>> Debbie
>>>
>>> Debbie
>>>
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>> From: "Robert Shelton" <rshelton1 at gmail.com>
>>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 10:09 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Opinion of spanking
>>>
>>>
>>>> OK, a good serious question.  I was spanked as a child, and I also used
>>>> spanking with my first two boys.  I'm fine -- they're fine.  On the 
>>>> other
>>>> hand, I realized that spanking rarely, if ever, did anything other than 
>>>> make
>>>> me feel like I'd made a mistake.  As we raised numbers 3 and 4, two 
>>>> more
>>>> boys, we gradually found that other measures were equally effective and
>>>> didn't leave us feeling like we'd done the wrong thing.  I'd love to 
>>>> tell
>>>> you that there's a secret formula for knowing the right way to correct 
>>>> a
>>>> child in every situation, but that's simply not true, or if it is, I 
>>>> don't
>>>> know the formula.  I would suggest a couple of things to keep in mind.
>>>> 1.  Think.  Use your thinking brain to figure out how to address the
>>>> situation.  This might mean that you'll need to stop what you're doing 
>>>> and
>>>> give a few seconds of thought to figure out the appropriate response.
>>>> Think, don't just react.
>>>> 2.  When it's a social situation, and your kid is being a pest to you, 
>>>> or
>>>> someone in your home, consider restraint.  Not restraining yourself,
>>>> although that is something to consider, but restraining your kid.  Just 
>>>> a
>>>> gentle grasp of a wrist to keep them under control.  Establishing 
>>>> control is
>>>> extremely important.  Note, kids really dislike being controlled. 
>>>> That's
>>>> natural -- live with it.
>>>> 3.  Try to slow down.  You think better when you can give yourself a 
>>>> time
>>>> out in order to figure out what to do.  Get things in a safe 
>>>> configuration,
>>>> and then consider your options.  Sometimes taking those few minutes, as
>>>> opposed to a knee-jerk reaction, can also encourage your child to 
>>>> consider
>>>> the consequences of his/her actions.
>>>>
>>>> OK, I've posted about a month's worth for me.  Everyone have a great 
>>>> week.
>>>>
>>>> Over and out.
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: jill [mailto:jillbilly4 at comcast.net]
>>>> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 3:32 PM
>>>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Opinion of spanking
>>>>
>>>> I am not offended at all.  I use spanking and  time out with my 5 year 
>>>> old
>>>> and with my 13 year old taking away privileges.  I was spanked as a 
>>>> child,
>>>> and lived to be a respectable adult.  I don't think that one of form of
>>>> punishment works for all children or all situations.  I think that 
>>>> people
>>>> can over exaggerate the affects either way "to spank or not to spank"
>>>>
>>>> Jill
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>
>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
>>>> On
>>>> Behalf Of Peggy Shald
>>>> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 3:07 PM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Oppinion of spanking
>>>>
>>>> I have spanked my kids occasionally.  When they're about to touch 
>>>> something
>>>> hot I slap their hands and say no.  When they run off and won't come 
>>>> back
>>>> when I call.  I guess, yeah it's always been for safety reasons.  I was
>>>> spanked as a cchild and am not sccared of my mom, don't hate her, have 
>>>> a lot
>>>>
>>>> of respect for her as a matter of fact.  Do I think that a child should 
>>>> be
>>>> spanked for everything, no!  Do I think there are times when they 
>>>> should
>>>> yes!!  Now that I've probably offended everyone on the list, I'm done
>>>> writing for now.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message----- 
>>>> From: Elizabeth Cooks
>>>> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 1:52 PM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Oppinion of spanking
>>>>
>>>> Only in safety situations.
>>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>>> From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 8:17 AM
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's your Oppinion of spanking
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>I have 1 questions, whats up with all the dot dot dots when they
>>>>> aren't even proper in the type of sentences you are writing. the ...
>>>>> is for when a sentence is continued not on the same line or when there
>>>>> isn't enough room to fit all chars or words in the orginal location of
>>>>> the beginning of the writing. hmmmmm, it must be this new internet
>>>>> writing.
>>>>>
>>>>> On 11/14/10, Rhonda Kubehl <rhondakubehl at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> This was a debate going on on facebook, and i am wonderng what 
>>>>>> everyone
>>>>>> else things.
>>>>>> We don't believe in soanking in our house, I don't believe it solvs
>>>>>> anything, it in my oppinion teaches a child if i don't like what a
>>>>>> person is doing... i hit them.
>>>>>> although, my sster spanked my nece, t didnt make her any different, 
>>>>>> it
>>>>>> worked for her.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> spanking don't work for me,  guess  beleve in reason...
>>>>>> Or I ask Is it necessary?... Corban says No...
>>>>>> I'm just intrested in hearing others belieths in spanking.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> --
>>>>>> *Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady
>>>>>> purpose--
>>>>>> a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye*
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> -- 
>>>>> Gabe Vega A+, Net+, ATACP
>>>>> The Tech of all Techs
>>>>> http://thebt.net
>>>>> (623) 565-9357
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>
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>>
>>
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