[blparent] First Questions About Blindness

Thu Oct 14 12:13:28 UTC 2010

Mine wanted to know if my eyes needed new batteries and then why our
various relatives who are good at fixing things couldn't fix them. Then
she wanted to know why the doctor couldn't and I told her the truth,
that they don't know how yet, that nobody does. She said she wanted
tolearn how, to which my response was "you can do that" 
My rationale is that we all have things that motivate us. If she wants
to use "fixing Mommy's eyes" as inspiration, what's wrong with that. 
I also told her that my eyes didn't hurt and that seemed to give her
some peace. 
I'd just stick with the truth, because if you don't, it will bite you in
the butt later. Also, kids tend to hear what they want 
Jo Elizabeth, I'd just tell your kid whatever your truth is and leave it
at that. She'll let you know when she needs or wants more information. 
As for your facial expression and your sister, either your facial
expressions are a problem, in which you need to learn how to fix them,
or your sister is superficial. Figure out which it is and then you'll
know what you need to do. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On Behalf Of Veronica Smith
Sent: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 5:41 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] First Questions About Blindness

Sounds like my story, however, even though Gab heard the words coming
out of
my mouth and she too said she would heel me, not until she explained it
to
her friends, teachers and her friends parents did I  really know that
she
knew.  I mean, she always said, My mommy can't see," but to a youngster
the
concept is not really there.   V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On
Behalf Of jill
Sent: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 2:05 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] First Questions About Blindness

Hi Jo Elizabeth,
I have a 13 year old son, 5 year old son and a 3 month old daughter.
With
my oldest, I took the approach that my eyes didn't work, and he was
about 2
then and he kissed them and said that he would make them better.  He
learned
that I saw with my hands and ears.  With my 5 year old, I explained that
God
had Made me that way, like he makes everyone different and special in
their
own way.  I have rp and my sight has dwindled over the years.  I pretty
much
now have light perception and contrast.  I recently had a drop in vision
again.  He and I are adjusting.  I use to could tell that he was playing
in
the floor, but now not so much.  He is so very quiet sometimes!  I
nearly
fell over him and of course I began to cry due to surprise and guilt.
He
also did.  He came to me and threw his arms around me and said " I wish
you
weren't blind Mommie".  What do you say to that except me too and remind
him
that there are still lots of things to be thankful for and how good God
is
for helping me from day to day.

Jill
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 12:39 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] First Questions About Blindness

Hi.  I was wondering if some of you parents who have older children
could
recall and share how the issue of your blindness came up with your kids,
and
how you explained your disability to them simply enough so they could
understand.

A few weeks ago, something came up that I can't really remember, but for
some reason I told Sarah, who is now two and a half, that my eyes didn't
work.  I said they were broken, which is a concept she usually
understands.
She said to me very seriously, "Mommy, they're not open."  So I told her
my
eyes didn't work even when they were open.  She said in a very
matter-of-fact way, "Just open them."

Toddlers move on pretty easily, so the subject was quickly dropped.  I
started noticing that Sarah would say, "By your left, by your left" when
I
was searching for something, although she didn't know what "left" meant.
She'd just heard other people saying it.  Sometimes she would stay
"step"
when we came to a curb, and although I wouldn't rely on her directions
as
consistent or trustworthy, I've thanked her for telling me just because
it
seems to me like a considerate thing to do.

One day last week, we were going to a restaurant, and she asked me if I
would be taking my eyes with me.  I said yes, and she asked if she could
take her eyes, too.  I said yes, she could, and she promptly poked
herself
in the eye, seeming like she was trying to get her eyeball in her hand.
So
I told her that we all have eyes which are part of our bodies, and that
they
didn't come off.

The thing that has started getting me kind of concerned is that Sarah
and I
will be playing with a toy or doing something, and she'll start saying,
"Mommy, open your eyes.  Don't close your eyes."  I have no voluntary
control over whether my eyes are open or closed.  Or she'll say, "I have
to
close my eyes like Mommy."  Then tonight, I was sitting on the floor and
she
stood in front of me, pinched one of my cheeks with each of her hands,
and
said, "Mommy, don't do that with your face."  Something was obviously
bothering her because she continued to say the same thing.  I asked her
what
she meant, and she said, "The pancake face.  I don't wanna see the
pancake."
(God knows where she got that.)

Anyway, I didn't know what to say.  One of the concerns my sister
brought up
when I first got pregnant was that my facial expressions don't always
fit
naturally with the situation that is going on, and that my baby would
pick
up on that.  My sister tends to be kind of superficial and focused on
appearance, and it surely isn't that big of a deal, but I'm wondering
what
you all told your kids, or how the issues resolved themselves.  Please
forgive the long post, but I felt I should explain the progression of
things.

Jo Elizabeth
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