[blparent] school teacher - not an issue
Deborah Kent Stein
dkent5817 at att.net
Wed Aug 24 22:44:57 UTC 2011
Dear Nikki,
I think one of the hardest things we deal with as blind people is the
pressure to do things perfectly, and to do them perfectly the very first
time we try. In the real world, there is a learning curve. No one is
expected to have mastered a skill before ever trying it. That's why there
are classes. That's why teachers teach. That's why we have the old saying,
"Practice makes perfect." Try not to get discouraged (I know that's not
easy, I do not mean to make light of what you're going through!) You may
have gone up a driveway on your first walk, but next time you'll remember
that it's there. You'll figure out the route and after a few times you'll
be able to walk to school and back as if you'd been doing it all your life.
Please contact me off list and we can exchange ideas about getting some
training in Illinois.
Debbie
dkent5817 at att.net
----- Original Message -----
From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 5:23 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
> Ok… I think you’ve gotten it a little confused, twisted.
> Let me fix that.
>
> I know that it is only fair that I help out with the chores.
> But the reason I do the dishes sometimes and not vaccume, dust or laundry,
> has nothing to do with my parents not having the confidence in me to do
> these things.
> It has more to do with it being their house and them having standards that
> I know I couldn’t live up to. Meaning they have a certain way and if it’s
> not done their way the first time, they don’t want to have to take the
> time to do it again, or check for my mistakes. They don’t want to waste
> time, so they figure, if they do it, then they don’t have to worry about
> anything missed.
>
> The reason I do the dishes sometimes, is that I have a nerve condition in
> my hands where when they come in contact with hot water, they become
> tingly and hard to grab things.
>
> My dad does the laundry for economical reasons. He has a certain way of
> doing things.
> My mom cleans the bathrooms. She also works and my dad is an early
> retiree.
> IDK if he’s going to go back to work or not now that my son is in school
> all day.
>
> Anyway…
> I’m upset with the RTA here in IL because I’m supposed to get a phone call
> from …oh wait, my memory just told me it’s the Lighthouse that’s supposed
> to be training me with cane skills, but nothing.
> I’m finding that I really need Orientation and Mobility training.
>
> I went to try walking up to the school by myself, was doing fine, but
> somehow found myself going up someone’s driveway.
> It is so frustrating especially with that bright sun. I rely a lot on what
> sight I do have.
> Luckily my dad was walking and saw me.
> I have this drive where I want to do it myself, it being going to pick up
> my kid.
> My dad saw me mess up and it showed him that I can’t do it.
>
> I want to thank everyone again for all the motivational wisdom.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 4:38 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>
> Hi. As some have said, I think we need to keep all of this in
> perspective.
> Independence is important, but so is interdependence. Sometimes we can
> get
> into such a battle to do everything on our own that we forget our families
> and spouses have good intentions. They're usually, though not always, not
> out to undermine us.
>
> For example, in my house, Gerald balances both of our checkbooks and makes
> sure the bills are paid. Could I do it online? Yes. Have I done it in
> the
> past? Yes. But we've found a way to split up household duties that
> usually, though not always, works for us. We go to the store together to
> do
> the shopping. I do most of the cooking. He does the laundry because he
> said when we moved in together that he didn't like the way I did mine, and
> I
> told him he knew where the soap was and how to turn the machines on. I
> pay
> someone to come in and do some of my cleaning because it's more economical
> for me to spend that time working--I can make more money than I pay the
> cleaning helper.
>
> That's all personal, the way we've decided to handle things. But what I'm
> getting at is, it's okay, even desirable, to share the work and depend on
> each other in a household, no matter who lives there. Now your dad doing
> things for you because he believes you can't do them, that's probably
> something you need to work on fixing. But if the argument can be made
> that
> you live in his house, well, he lives there, too. You all do. So there's
> nothing wrong with working out a system of dividing up chores that suits
> all
> of you. Your son is old enough, even, to be helping out with some things.
> The point I would concentrate on is that he is your son, you do have the
> right to make the final decisions, no matter whose house you live in. But
> remember, a lot of us have that battle, even with friends we don't live
> with. My favorite line to use with a couple of friends who get overly
> pushy, wanting to take over with Sarah, is, "I'm her mom, and I'm not dead
> yet." It's gotten to be something we can all laugh over, but they know to
> step back, and they do it without resentment.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:14 PM
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>
>> You've a point there. Vacuuming is one of the jobs I never got as a
>> child. I was the duster. Parents eventually tried teaching me but it's
>> just one--of the many--things that I'm no good at.
>> Better get to working on it, eh.
>> Now that Paul's not afraid of the vacuum I should try teaching him a
>> skill--besides how to throw all the little fuzz balls he picks off the
>> carpet and throws.
>> It's funny because he used to be terrified of the vacuum and I used to
>> start it up when he'd throw food to get him to stop. (He's always been
>> old enough to know better since we've had him.) The other week I went to
>> get the vacuum to sweep the basement carpet and he decided it might be an
>> interesting thing to check out. We took the hose out of its place and
>> played with the suction on his face and hands and tummy. Now we have to
>> stop him from wanting to help if he hears it running.
>> Barbara
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of
>> liberty.--John F. Kennedy
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
>> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:07 PM
>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> So don't ask. Husband's job is to say "Thank you, honey" or to do it
>> himself.
>> Any other response is unacceptable and he knows it.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 11:44 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> The same feelings one gets when one asks their sighted spouse how the
>> floor
>> looks after you ran the vacuum and the response is "It'll do." What the
>> heck does that mean?
>> Needless to say, vacuuming doesn't get done near enough.
>> Barbara
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of
>> liberty.--John
>> F. Kennedy
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Nikki
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 4:59 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> Hi Debbie.
>> I feel as though I shouldn't have to prove my capabilities to my parents.
>> It is MY son, isn't it?
>> I shouldn't feel like I'm being controlled just because I live in their
>> house, you know?
>>
>> Rebecca.
>> I have a laptop and my parents respect my privacy, so no worries there.
>> If anything were to come up, you can be certain I'll make sure they hear
>> about it.
>> I am the youngest of 2. My older brother lives with his family.
>> As far as friends, I have a couple, but not going to talk to them about
>> my
>> feelings.
>>
>> V, my son constantly reminds me and my parents that I'm the boss.
>> So, if he wants something and asks my mom, she tells him, "go ask your
>> mom."
>> I'm the one in charge.
>>
>> As far as my dad doing everything, I'm ashamed and embarrassed.
>> I get frustrated when we're both in the kitchen, I get the milk and a
>> glass.
>> In the midst of what he's doing, stops and takes these items from me and
>> pours the glass for me.
>> Now, I'm able to do this myself and today, I told him, "what are you
>> doing?
>> I can do this myself."
>> IDK what exactly he said, but I think he said,"I know." I asked him,
>> "then
>> why aren't you letting me do it myself?
>> His response told me he has little or no confidence in me. He said, "I
>> just
>> washed the counter. I don't want to clean it again."
>> Do you know what that does to someone's self esteem?
>>
>> So, it's not so much me letting him do everything. His stress he has, is
>> brought on by himself.
>> I may need to fix some things with myself, but God and I are working on
>> it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Deborah Kent Stein
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 12:12 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>>
>>
>> Dear Nikki,
>>
>> Great news! The more you take control, the more your folks are likely to
>> see how capable you are.
>>
>> Debbie
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:03 AM
>> Subject: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>>
>>> Just an update...
>>>
>>> Hi all.
>>> I want to thank you all for the confidence boost.
>>> My dad, son, and I went to meet the teacher yesterday.
>>> I asked her if she could email me the handouts and I was very pleased to
>>> find out that she would be happy to do it for me.
>>> But my dad still requested the paper handouts for himself.
>>> IDK why, but it was rather upsetting that he feels he has to be
>>> involved.
>>>
>>> Anyway, success!
>>> Oh and I’m going to pick my son up from school, give my dad a break,
>>> lol.
>>>
>>> It’s confusing to me that my parents complain, mainly my dad, about
>>> having
>>> to do everything, but when I take a stand, it back fires.
>>> Meaning, it’s hard for him to accept me being independent.
>>>
>>> Nikki
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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>
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