[blparent] school teacher - not an issue
Pipi
blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com
Fri Aug 26 00:41:45 UTC 2011
Nikki,
I had a situation about a month ago. I was meant to leave the doctor's
office and walk the 4 blocks to my mom's work. I had my ID cane with me and
was using it. I had talked the route out with my mom. I had her drive it so
that I could check it out from the car.
So the day comes that I have to do it alone for the first time. I was using
my cane, thought I had crossed a road and it ended up being just a drive
way. I managed to twist my ankle and then was limping. At this point I'm
frustrated. I then crossed again what I thought was the next road
perpendicular and started limping on my way down what I thought was the
correct direction only to get 4 blocks down the road and it not being the
correct place. I then back tracked, attempting to stay calm, catching the
darn cane in every crack, it's 100 degrees outside. Needless to say, I
managed to get myself lost. I was mad at myself, beyond upset, and felt like
a failure and called my mom to come find me.
I didn't give up there though. My next appointment came 2 weeks later. Even
though my mom was concerned that I couldn't do it, she knew that I could
try. I had my 2 year old daughter with me this time and no cane due to the
dog eating it and I haven't found a new one.
I ramble, but my point is, this time, I slowed down, took deep breaths, and
enjoyed a slow leisurely walk with my daughter. I made it across the
driveway and to the correct street this time. I made it to her work just
fine. It felt great and I'm so happy that I didn't give up.
I had to do it again today and there was one little spot where I had to stop
and rethink and make sure I was going the right way. We made it again just
fine.
I'll be doing this walk pretty much every 2 weeks for a year. I'm confident
that I can figure it out now. I may not always make it there perfectly, but
I will be able to get out of the little troubles I get myself into.
Please know that we all do this at some point. Whether sighted or blind,
everyone gets lost, misses a turn, or makes a mistake. I know you can get
out there and try again.
Someone mentioned taking walks with your son. This is a great idea for a way
for the 2 of you to spend some quality time together and alws for you to get
more confidence.
I plan to go back to using the cane as soon as I get a new one ordered. I'm
struggling to find one that will suit my needs and desires. I liked the ID
cane because it folded up small enough for a purse, but it doesn't work well
now taht I'm actually trying to use it. I wish I could find a sturdier cane
that folded up smaller than the folding canes I've seen.
OK I'm sorry for the novel. I'm shutting up now.
Pipi
----- Original Message -----
From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 5:23 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
> Ok… I think you’ve gotten it a little confused, twisted.
> Let me fix that.
>
> I know that it is only fair that I help out with the chores.
> But the reason I do the dishes sometimes and not vaccume, dust or laundry,
> has nothing to do with my parents not having the confidence in me to do
> these things.
> It has more to do with it being their house and them having standards that
> I know I couldn’t live up to. Meaning they have a certain way and if it’s
> not done their way the first time, they don’t want to have to take the
> time to do it again, or check for my mistakes. They don’t want to waste
> time, so they figure, if they do it, then they don’t have to worry about
> anything missed.
>
> The reason I do the dishes sometimes, is that I have a nerve condition in
> my hands where when they come in contact with hot water, they become
> tingly and hard to grab things.
>
> My dad does the laundry for economical reasons. He has a certain way of
> doing things.
> My mom cleans the bathrooms. She also works and my dad is an early
> retiree.
> IDK if he’s going to go back to work or not now that my son is in school
> all day.
>
> Anyway…
> I’m upset with the RTA here in IL because I’m supposed to get a phone call
> from …oh wait, my memory just told me it’s the Lighthouse that’s supposed
> to be training me with cane skills, but nothing.
> I’m finding that I really need Orientation and Mobility training.
>
> I went to try walking up to the school by myself, was doing fine, but
> somehow found myself going up someone’s driveway.
> It is so frustrating especially with that bright sun. I rely a lot on what
> sight I do have.
> Luckily my dad was walking and saw me.
> I have this drive where I want to do it myself, it being going to pick up
> my kid.
> My dad saw me mess up and it showed him that I can’t do it.
>
> I want to thank everyone again for all the motivational wisdom.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 4:38 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>
> Hi. As some have said, I think we need to keep all of this in
> perspective.
> Independence is important, but so is interdependence. Sometimes we can
> get
> into such a battle to do everything on our own that we forget our families
> and spouses have good intentions. They're usually, though not always, not
> out to undermine us.
>
> For example, in my house, Gerald balances both of our checkbooks and makes
> sure the bills are paid. Could I do it online? Yes. Have I done it in
> the
> past? Yes. But we've found a way to split up household duties that
> usually, though not always, works for us. We go to the store together to
> do
> the shopping. I do most of the cooking. He does the laundry because he
> said when we moved in together that he didn't like the way I did mine, and
> I
> told him he knew where the soap was and how to turn the machines on. I
> pay
> someone to come in and do some of my cleaning because it's more economical
> for me to spend that time working--I can make more money than I pay the
> cleaning helper.
>
> That's all personal, the way we've decided to handle things. But what I'm
> getting at is, it's okay, even desirable, to share the work and depend on
> each other in a household, no matter who lives there. Now your dad doing
> things for you because he believes you can't do them, that's probably
> something you need to work on fixing. But if the argument can be made
> that
> you live in his house, well, he lives there, too. You all do. So there's
> nothing wrong with working out a system of dividing up chores that suits
> all
> of you. Your son is old enough, even, to be helping out with some things.
> The point I would concentrate on is that he is your son, you do have the
> right to make the final decisions, no matter whose house you live in. But
> remember, a lot of us have that battle, even with friends we don't live
> with. My favorite line to use with a couple of friends who get overly
> pushy, wanting to take over with Sarah, is, "I'm her mom, and I'm not dead
> yet." It's gotten to be something we can all laugh over, but they know to
> step back, and they do it without resentment.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:14 PM
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>
>> You've a point there. Vacuuming is one of the jobs I never got as a
>> child. I was the duster. Parents eventually tried teaching me but it's
>> just one--of the many--things that I'm no good at.
>> Better get to working on it, eh.
>> Now that Paul's not afraid of the vacuum I should try teaching him a
>> skill--besides how to throw all the little fuzz balls he picks off the
>> carpet and throws.
>> It's funny because he used to be terrified of the vacuum and I used to
>> start it up when he'd throw food to get him to stop. (He's always been
>> old enough to know better since we've had him.) The other week I went to
>> get the vacuum to sweep the basement carpet and he decided it might be an
>> interesting thing to check out. We took the hose out of its place and
>> played with the suction on his face and hands and tummy. Now we have to
>> stop him from wanting to help if he hears it running.
>> Barbara
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of
>> liberty.--John F. Kennedy
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
>> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:07 PM
>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> So don't ask. Husband's job is to say "Thank you, honey" or to do it
>> himself.
>> Any other response is unacceptable and he knows it.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 11:44 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> The same feelings one gets when one asks their sighted spouse how the
>> floor
>> looks after you ran the vacuum and the response is "It'll do." What the
>> heck does that mean?
>> Needless to say, vacuuming doesn't get done near enough.
>> Barbara
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of
>> liberty.--John
>> F. Kennedy
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Nikki
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 4:59 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> Hi Debbie.
>> I feel as though I shouldn't have to prove my capabilities to my parents.
>> It is MY son, isn't it?
>> I shouldn't feel like I'm being controlled just because I live in their
>> house, you know?
>>
>> Rebecca.
>> I have a laptop and my parents respect my privacy, so no worries there.
>> If anything were to come up, you can be certain I'll make sure they hear
>> about it.
>> I am the youngest of 2. My older brother lives with his family.
>> As far as friends, I have a couple, but not going to talk to them about
>> my
>> feelings.
>>
>> V, my son constantly reminds me and my parents that I'm the boss.
>> So, if he wants something and asks my mom, she tells him, "go ask your
>> mom."
>> I'm the one in charge.
>>
>> As far as my dad doing everything, I'm ashamed and embarrassed.
>> I get frustrated when we're both in the kitchen, I get the milk and a
>> glass.
>> In the midst of what he's doing, stops and takes these items from me and
>> pours the glass for me.
>> Now, I'm able to do this myself and today, I told him, "what are you
>> doing?
>> I can do this myself."
>> IDK what exactly he said, but I think he said,"I know." I asked him,
>> "then
>> why aren't you letting me do it myself?
>> His response told me he has little or no confidence in me. He said, "I
>> just
>> washed the counter. I don't want to clean it again."
>> Do you know what that does to someone's self esteem?
>>
>> So, it's not so much me letting him do everything. His stress he has, is
>> brought on by himself.
>> I may need to fix some things with myself, but God and I are working on
>> it.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Deborah Kent Stein
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 12:12 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>>
>>
>> Dear Nikki,
>>
>> Great news! The more you take control, the more your folks are likely to
>> see how capable you are.
>>
>> Debbie
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:03 AM
>> Subject: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>>
>>> Just an update...
>>>
>>> Hi all.
>>> I want to thank you all for the confidence boost.
>>> My dad, son, and I went to meet the teacher yesterday.
>>> I asked her if she could email me the handouts and I was very pleased to
>>> find out that she would be happy to do it for me.
>>> But my dad still requested the paper handouts for himself.
>>> IDK why, but it was rather upsetting that he feels he has to be
>>> involved.
>>>
>>> Anyway, success!
>>> Oh and I’m going to pick my son up from school, give my dad a break,
>>> lol.
>>>
>>> It’s confusing to me that my parents complain, mainly my dad, about
>>> having
>>> to do everything, but when I take a stand, it back fires.
>>> Meaning, it’s hard for him to accept me being independent.
>>>
>>> Nikki
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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>
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