[blparent] school teacher - not an issue
Amanda Winkler
awcactuscat1 at hotmail.com
Fri Aug 26 07:36:16 UTC 2011
This is what could happen when you have good mobility skills. One day my
husband (who is totally blind also) and I took our daughter who was about 8
months old to a Starbucks near our house. This is a normal routine for us.
We happened to go in the evening during the week which is very rare
occurrence so the people there were not use to us. Everything went fine
until we started to leave. We have to cross a parking lot and drive through
to get to the sidewalk and in most cases there is little problem doing this.
This particular time my husband got a wild hair and decided to try a new
way. Of course being the brains of the family, I took our daughter and
walked to the sidewalk like usual to wait for him. It was not long till
someone came and told me that his friend was bringing my husband to me. It
was very soon after that I could hear my husband coming towards my way with
some verbal directions coming from behind him. He was somewhat annoyed
because of the person’s attempt to help him and the realization that he was
wrong. When we got to the bus stop we stood there laughing about what just
happened a car pulls over and out comes a female highway patrol officer.
She asked if we were ok and we said yes. She told us someone called 911 and
said that there were two blind people with walking sticks and a baby walking
down the street. Seeing that there was nothing wrong she bid us a good
evening and left. We cannot be sure who did it but we believe it was
someone from Starbucks made the call. The main lesson that was learned was
that my husband just needs to listen to me when it comes to directions.
LOL. The thing is he could have been right and found a new way. If you’re
not willing to take a chance on getting lost and try something new no matter
what the outcome you won’t want to explore your environment and learn what
is there.
--------------------------------------------------
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 7:24 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
> Shoot, I don't know of one single blind person, or even a sighted person,
> who hasn't gotten misplaced at one time or another.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
> Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 8:04 PM
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>
>> It is nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets "misplaced."
>> I think my vision loss started deteriorating to it's worst after I had my
>> son.
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>> Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 8:17 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>> We've all had those situations, and it's easy to panic. But one thing I
>> learned when I got my guide dog--and it works with canes, too, just
>> without
>> the dog part--is to stop and have your dog sit. Take a few deep breaths.
>> Count to ten, more than once if you need to. By then, most of the time,
>> you
>> can think straight. You can ask someone for directions, or start
>> remembering landmarks and clues that will help you determine where you
>> need
>> to go.
>>
>> I transcribed some interviews of people attending the Colorado Center for
>> the Blind a few years ago for a graduate student. One of the best things
>> I
>> recall from the interviews was that some of the instructors told students
>> to
>> consider themselves "misplaced" instead of "lost" when they got into a
>> situation. "Misplaced" means you just aren't quite where you need to be,
>> but "lost" implies panic. That has helped me a lot, even though I never
>> attended CCB.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
>> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
>> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
>>
>> --------------------------------------------------
>> From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
>> Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 6:41 PM
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>
>>> Nikki,
>>> I had a situation about a month ago. I was meant to leave the doctor's
>>> office and walk the 4 blocks to my mom's work. I had my ID cane with me
>>> and was using it. I had talked the route out with my mom. I had her
>>> drive it so that I could check it out from the car.
>>> So the day comes that I have to do it alone for the first time. I was
>>> using my cane, thought I had crossed a road and it ended up being just a
>>> drive way. I managed to twist my ankle and then was limping. At this
>>> point I'm frustrated. I then crossed again what I thought was the next
>>> road perpendicular and started limping on my way down what I thought was
>>> the correct direction only to get 4 blocks down the road and it not
>>> being the correct place. I then back tracked, attempting to stay calm,
>>> catching the darn cane in every crack, it's 100 degrees outside.
>>> Needless to say, I managed to get myself lost. I was mad at myself,
>>> beyond upset, and felt like a failure and called my mom to come find me.
>>> I didn't give up there though. My next appointment came 2 weeks later.
>>> Even though my mom was concerned that I couldn't do it, she knew that I
>>> could try. I had my 2 year old daughter with me this time and no cane
>>> due to the dog eating it and I haven't found a new one.
>>> I ramble, but my point is, this time, I slowed down, took deep breaths,
>>> and enjoyed a slow leisurely walk with my daughter. I made it across the
>>> driveway and to the correct street this time. I made it to her work just
>>> fine. It felt great and I'm so happy that I didn't give up.
>>> I had to do it again today and there was one little spot where I had to
>>> stop and rethink and make sure I was going the right way. We made it
>>> again just fine.
>>> I'll be doing this walk pretty much every 2 weeks for a year. I'm
>>> confident that I can figure it out now. I may not always make it there
>>> perfectly, but I will be able to get out of the little troubles I get
>>> myself into.
>>> Please know that we all do this at some point. Whether sighted or blind,
>>> everyone gets lost, misses a turn, or makes a mistake. I know you can
>>> get out there and try again.
>>> Someone mentioned taking walks with your son. This is a great idea for a
>>> way for the 2 of you to spend some quality time together and alws for
>>> you to get more confidence.
>>> I plan to go back to using the cane as soon as I get a new one ordered.
>>> I'm struggling to find one that will suit my needs and desires. I liked
>>> the ID cane because it folded up small enough for a purse, but it
>>> doesn't work well now taht I'm actually trying to use it. I wish I could
>>> find a sturdier cane that folded up smaller than the folding canes I've
>>> seen.
>>> OK I'm sorry for the novel. I'm shutting up now.
>>> Pipi
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 5:23 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>
>>>
>>>> Ok… I think you’ve gotten it a little confused, twisted.
>>>> Let me fix that.
>>>>
>>>> I know that it is only fair that I help out with the chores.
>>>> But the reason I do the dishes sometimes and not vaccume, dust or
>>>> laundry, has nothing to do with my parents not having the confidence in
>>>> me to do these things.
>>>> It has more to do with it being their house and them having standards
>>>> that I know I couldn’t live up to. Meaning they have a certain way and
>>>> if it’s not done their way the first time, they don’t want to have to
>>>> take the time to do it again, or check for my mistakes. They don’t want
>>>> to waste time, so they figure, if they do it, then they don’t have to
>>>> worry about anything missed.
>>>>
>>>> The reason I do the dishes sometimes, is that I have a nerve condition
>>>> in my hands where when they come in contact with hot water, they become
>>>> tingly and hard to grab things.
>>>>
>>>> My dad does the laundry for economical reasons. He has a certain way of
>>>> doing things.
>>>> My mom cleans the bathrooms. She also works and my dad is an early
>>>> retiree.
>>>> IDK if he’s going to go back to work or not now that my son is in
>>>> school all day.
>>>>
>>>> Anyway…
>>>> I’m upset with the RTA here in IL because I’m supposed to get a phone
>>>> call from …oh wait, my memory just told me it’s the Lighthouse that’s
>>>> supposed to be training me with cane skills, but nothing.
>>>> I’m finding that I really need Orientation and Mobility training.
>>>>
>>>> I went to try walking up to the school by myself, was doing fine, but
>>>> somehow found myself going up someone’s driveway.
>>>> It is so frustrating especially with that bright sun. I rely a lot on
>>>> what sight I do have.
>>>> Luckily my dad was walking and saw me.
>>>> I have this drive where I want to do it myself, it being going to pick
>>>> up my kid.
>>>> My dad saw me mess up and it showed him that I can’t do it.
>>>>
>>>> I want to thank everyone again for all the motivational wisdom.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 4:38 PM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>
>>>> Hi. As some have said, I think we need to keep all of this in
>>>> perspective.
>>>> Independence is important, but so is interdependence. Sometimes we can
>>>> get
>>>> into such a battle to do everything on our own that we forget our
>>>> families
>>>> and spouses have good intentions. They're usually, though not always,
>>>> not
>>>> out to undermine us.
>>>>
>>>> For example, in my house, Gerald balances both of our checkbooks and
>>>> makes
>>>> sure the bills are paid. Could I do it online? Yes. Have I done it
>>>> in the
>>>> past? Yes. But we've found a way to split up household duties that
>>>> usually, though not always, works for us. We go to the store together
>>>> to do
>>>> the shopping. I do most of the cooking. He does the laundry because
>>>> he
>>>> said when we moved in together that he didn't like the way I did mine,
>>>> and I
>>>> told him he knew where the soap was and how to turn the machines on. I
>>>> pay
>>>> someone to come in and do some of my cleaning because it's more
>>>> economical
>>>> for me to spend that time working--I can make more money than I pay the
>>>> cleaning helper.
>>>>
>>>> That's all personal, the way we've decided to handle things. But what
>>>> I'm
>>>> getting at is, it's okay, even desirable, to share the work and depend
>>>> on
>>>> each other in a household, no matter who lives there. Now your dad
>>>> doing
>>>> things for you because he believes you can't do them, that's probably
>>>> something you need to work on fixing. But if the argument can be made
>>>> that
>>>> you live in his house, well, he lives there, too. You all do. So
>>>> there's
>>>> nothing wrong with working out a system of dividing up chores that
>>>> suits all
>>>> of you. Your son is old enough, even, to be helping out with some
>>>> things.
>>>> The point I would concentrate on is that he is your son, you do have
>>>> the
>>>> right to make the final decisions, no matter whose house you live in.
>>>> But
>>>> remember, a lot of us have that battle, even with friends we don't live
>>>> with. My favorite line to use with a couple of friends who get overly
>>>> pushy, wanting to take over with Sarah, is, "I'm her mom, and I'm not
>>>> dead
>>>> yet." It's gotten to be something we can all laugh over, but they know
>>>> to
>>>> step back, and they do it without resentment.
>>>>
>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
>>>> unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat
>>>> into
>>>> advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
>>>>
>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>> From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:14 PM
>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>
>>>>> You've a point there. Vacuuming is one of the jobs I never got as a
>>>>> child. I was the duster. Parents eventually tried teaching me but
>>>>> it's just one--of the many--things that I'm no good at.
>>>>> Better get to working on it, eh.
>>>>> Now that Paul's not afraid of the vacuum I should try teaching him a
>>>>> skill--besides how to throw all the little fuzz balls he picks off the
>>>>> carpet and throws.
>>>>> It's funny because he used to be terrified of the vacuum and I used to
>>>>> start it up when he'd throw food to get him to stop. (He's always
>>>>> been old enough to know better since we've had him.) The other week I
>>>>> went to get the vacuum to sweep the basement carpet and he decided it
>>>>> might be an interesting thing to check out. We took the hose out of
>>>>> its place and played with the suction on his face and hands and tummy.
>>>>> Now we have to stop him from wanting to help if he hears it running.
>>>>> Barbara
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall
>>>>> pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend,
>>>>> oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of
>>>>> liberty.--John F. Kennedy
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:07 PM
>>>>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>>
>>>>> So don't ask. Husband's job is to say "Thank you, honey" or to do it
>>>>> himself.
>>>>> Any other response is unacceptable and he knows it.
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>>> On Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 11:44 PM
>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>>
>>>>> The same feelings one gets when one asks their sighted spouse how the
>>>>> floor
>>>>> looks after you ran the vacuum and the response is "It'll do." What
>>>>> the
>>>>> heck does that mean?
>>>>> Needless to say, vacuuming doesn't get done near enough.
>>>>> Barbara
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall
>>>>> pay
>>>>> any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend,
>>>>> oppose
>>>>> any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of
>>>>> liberty.--John
>>>>> F. Kennedy
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: Nikki
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 4:59 PM
>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi Debbie.
>>>>> I feel as though I shouldn't have to prove my capabilities to my
>>>>> parents.
>>>>> It is MY son, isn't it?
>>>>> I shouldn't feel like I'm being controlled just because I live in
>>>>> their
>>>>> house, you know?
>>>>>
>>>>> Rebecca.
>>>>> I have a laptop and my parents respect my privacy, so no worries
>>>>> there.
>>>>> If anything were to come up, you can be certain I'll make sure they
>>>>> hear
>>>>> about it.
>>>>> I am the youngest of 2. My older brother lives with his family.
>>>>> As far as friends, I have a couple, but not going to talk to them
>>>>> about my
>>>>> feelings.
>>>>>
>>>>> V, my son constantly reminds me and my parents that I'm the boss.
>>>>> So, if he wants something and asks my mom, she tells him, "go ask your
>>>>> mom."
>>>>> I'm the one in charge.
>>>>>
>>>>> As far as my dad doing everything, I'm ashamed and embarrassed.
>>>>> I get frustrated when we're both in the kitchen, I get the milk and a
>>>>> glass.
>>>>> In the midst of what he's doing, stops and takes these items from me
>>>>> and
>>>>> pours the glass for me.
>>>>> Now, I'm able to do this myself and today, I told him, "what are you
>>>>> doing?
>>>>> I can do this myself."
>>>>> IDK what exactly he said, but I think he said,"I know." I asked him,
>>>>> "then
>>>>> why aren't you letting me do it myself?
>>>>> His response told me he has little or no confidence in me. He said, "I
>>>>> just
>>>>> washed the counter. I don't want to clean it again."
>>>>> Do you know what that does to someone's self esteem?
>>>>>
>>>>> So, it's not so much me letting him do everything. His stress he has,
>>>>> is
>>>>> brought on by himself.
>>>>> I may need to fix some things with myself, but God and I are working
>>>>> on it.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: Deborah Kent Stein
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 12:12 PM
>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Dear Nikki,
>>>>>
>>>>> Great news! The more you take control, the more your folks are likely
>>>>> to
>>>>> see how capable you are.
>>>>>
>>>>> Debbie
>>>>>
>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
>>>>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:03 AM
>>>>> Subject: [blparent] school teacher - not an issue
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> Just an update...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hi all.
>>>>>> I want to thank you all for the confidence boost.
>>>>>> My dad, son, and I went to meet the teacher yesterday.
>>>>>> I asked her if she could email me the handouts and I was very pleased
>>>>>> to
>>>>>> find out that she would be happy to do it for me.
>>>>>> But my dad still requested the paper handouts for himself.
>>>>>> IDK why, but it was rather upsetting that he feels he has to be
>>>>>> involved.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Anyway, success!
>>>>>> Oh and I’m going to pick my son up from school, give my dad a break,
>>>>>> lol.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> It’s confusing to me that my parents complain, mainly my dad, about
>>>>>> having
>>>>>> to do everything, but when I take a stand, it back fires.
>>>>>> Meaning, it’s hard for him to accept me being independent.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Nikki
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>
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>>>
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