[blparent] troubled parent

Nikki daizies304 at comcast.net
Fri Mar 25 20:02:11 UTC 2011 

    thank you so much

-----Original Message----- 
From: jill
Sent: Friday, March 25, 2011 2:35 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent

I understand, I was a single mom for about 5 years with my oldest son 13.
He had a lot of problems with his disappearing and reappearing father which
caused lots of heart break for him.  I really had to work at allowing my son
to determine the relationship with his Dad.  It is not a easy road, just
know that you will be the most important person in your son's life from here
on out. It sounds like to me that you are a very strong person to regroup
and get the help that you both need.  I wish you the very best of luck on
this journey.

Jill
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 8:53 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent

    You know, we do clearly ask him why the bad behavior when you're smart
enough to know better. His answer is frustrating Most of the time it's, "I
don't know" He's usualy solemn when answering.

I like the idea of just letting him run around the yard, but my parents have

a garden in the back along with different flower beds. There's also a patio.

There really isn't much room to run. I'm gonna look into getting him
involved in soccer or something. Or maybe take a ceramics class or something

we'll both enjoy together.

It really stinks that I'm a single parent. This wasn't planned when I begame

a mom. I did not forsee any of my problems to prevent them.

Anyway. Thank you all. gbu!

-----Original Message----- 
From: Barbara Hammel
Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 7:32 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent

And contrary to Jo Elizabeth's post--sort of--is that if you don't feel
comfortable spanking but are willing to let your father do it.  Do a test
period and see if spanking really does work.  Of course, you want it as a
last resort but if he's truly just being a brat and doesn't have ADHD or
something else he needs to learn what a spanking is to realize he doesn't
like them.  If he does have ADHD or such, spanking will only make behavior
worse.
The twins know what a spanking is and all I have to tell the one is he can
keep doing the dangerous thing, like hitting the window, if he wants a
spanking.  He stops.
If he follows directions, you could send him out to run around the house a
few times.  Or if the backyard is fenced, you could have him run around the
yard and you could time him.  Part of being a five-year-old is testing to
see what's allowed and what isn't.
As far as the talking goes, if he's being too loud in the house, you could
go out and have yelling contests outside.  Or go to his room and scream into
a pillow.  If there is a safe room for such play, you could have pillow
fights or blanket fights or wars.
Barbara




Through the sunny fields of yesterday
Echo voices of children now grown,
Their golden peals of laughter
Ring upon the ivied stone.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 10:44 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent

Hi, Nikki.  I'm sorry you're having such trouble right now.  The one thing
that I would say is that you're the mom, and you get to decide who, if
anybody, is allowed to spank your child.  Even if you live with your
parents, in my opinion, you have the right to say whether or not they use
physical discipline with your son.  Just something to think about.

Jo Elizabeth

"Some people see things as they are and ask why.  I dream things that never
were and ask why not."--Robert F. Kennedy

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at comcast.net>
Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 9:28 AM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent

>    OMG! He has it bad. We've tried talking to him, reminding him of
> consequences,
> but it doesn't seem to do justice. Yes, he goes to Kindergarten for 2 1/2
> hours everyday. He only goes for half a day because he's very smart. The
> teacher has to warn him more often than other kids. He's your regular
> bouncy ball. The teacher gave him a special chair to sit in because he
> can't sit still. Doesn't seem to be working. My dad, his papa, said that
> he should sit in one of our wooden chairs quietly all day or unless he's
> at school. He also said that if this doesn't change his behavior, he's
> going to fulfill his threats on spanking.
>
>
>
> Hi,
>
> OH sorry to hear about his dad.  As to the time outs,It might drive him
> nuts to have to sit still for 5 minutes, and that might just be the
> insentive he needs to behave.  Does he go to school at all?  I know that
> when my son started school his whole attitude changed because he was more
> stimulated at school, so he was tired when he came home.  He's one of
> those never sit down kids too, and nothing else worked except the time
> outs for him because of that.  He hates not being part of the action all
> the time, so he behaves better when we remind him what happens when he
> doesn't.
>
>
> Tammy
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 12:15 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent
>
>    His daddy abandoned him. He doesn't call or write. Time out, huh? Well,
> I don't think it would work with my gremlin. He can't sit still. He's
> gotta
> be constantly moving and that's trouble for me because I fatigue easily.
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Tammy
> Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2011 10:50 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] troubled parent
>
> Hi,
>
> Have you tried time outs?  My son is 6 and they work well for us.  Your
> son
> sounds like mine, that is to say that what you describe sounds very
> typical
> of children of that age group.  Also, you say you're divorced, and I don't
> mean to get too personal, but does your son's behaviour esculate around
> visits from or to his father'?  If so, this might be a trigger, and you
> may
> want to talk to your son about how he feels about being with his dad,
> verses
> being with you.  Don't make it stressful for him, but just talk to him
> about
> his favourite things at both places, and whatever you do, don't say
> anything
> negative about his father, even though that's very hard at times.  He may
> be
> confused about why he has to go back and forth, or even why you're living
> with your parents.  You never know what little kids are thinking and
> talking
> to them can open doors for the two of you that will allow for bonding, and

> a
> closer relationship.  I don't know if any of this will help, but I'm
> divorced from my son's father, and he has a step-father now, but it's been

> a
> bumpy road for him.  This may not be the case for you, but talking and
> timeouts might just help smooth the bumps a little.
>
> hth
>
> Tammy
>
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2011 11:26 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] troubled parent
>
>        Nikki here and very distressed. Divorced mother of a 5 year old
> boy.
> Live with parents, ugh!
>
> I need behavioral modifacations other than spanking. He doesn't listen
> well,
> follow directions, stay focused, and talks when he's not supposed to.
>
> Wanting to stay away from spanking for punishment. Anyone have any advice
> for me?
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