[blparent] Fw: Where have all themannersgone? (questionforBlind Parent list)

Tue May 24 03:50:39 UTC 2011

Yes, I think that people think we are either miracles of nature being able
to be independent, or people who only look from a far as those poor " blind
people".  Never just Jill the nut down the street!  It is the crazy old
blind lady!  Smile
Jill

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 10:11 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all themannersgone? (questionforBlind
Parent list)

And that's really the heart of the matter.  We must remember that's it's 
blindness they are afraid of or how they would function of their sight was 
gone.  It's not us that they are afraid of.
We can make or break the stereotypes they have of blind folks or dispel or 
add to their fears of going blind themselves.
We may not like it, but we spend our lives being role models.
Barbara

Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay 
any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose 
any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.--John 
F. Kennedy
-----Original Message----- 
From: Erin Rumer
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 9:50 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the mannersgone? 
(questionforBlind Parent list)

Yes, I remember hearing about a study where people said they'd rather lose
two of their limbs than go blind so that really shows how petrified people
are of blindness.  We need to try as hard as it is not to take it personally
and just show people that we are capable, beautiful and real people with
feelings, sense of humors and hobbies just like everyone else.  I had a
woman come up to me just yesterday who couldn't believe that I stay home
alone with my son every day and get every wear we go independently.  I just
had to remind myself that it's really herself that she couldn't imagine
taking care of a baby if she was blind and has nothing to do with me because
I'm perfectly capable.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 7:31 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone?
(questionforBlind Parent list)

But the truth of the matter is they are afraid of "catching blindness".
They are terrified of what their future would look like if they lost their
sight.  That is one of the greatest fears one faces.
Barbara

Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay
any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose
any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.--John
F. Kennedy
-----Original Message----- 
From: jill
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 8:27 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone?
(questionforBlind Parent list)

Jo Elizabeth,
I am afraid I experience the same attitudes here as well.  I have often
wondered if people were afraid of catching blindness...just kidding.  I
usually in those situations continue to talk and make them talk to me.  I
think it bothers my older son when we are out and people stare.  I had
rather take a moment to teach, but he wants to be invisible.  I chalk a lot
of that up to him being 13.  He did get really angry at school the other
day.  He got into a word fight with a boy.  His coach asked what it was over
and the other boy had to run laps in P.E.  The kid said "how did John's mom
get her fingers burnt" and then the kid said "she was reading a waffle
iron".  My son used a few choice words at him.  I told John that the boy was
just showing his ignorance.  At least the coach didn't punish John for
standing up for me.  You always think that things will evolve, and they have
to some degree, but just like with racism, they still have a long way to go.
Jill

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Veronica Smith
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 6:40 PM
To: 'Deborah Kent Stein'; 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question
forBlind Parent list)

Jo elizabeth, the rest of the world is just rude.  This stuff still happens
to me especially at the school.  Everyone seems to run in pakcs and the one
that is different is left out.  Just today while at gab's last day of 5th
grade, al these mom's were talking to one another and when I joined in, the
replys were short and to the point and when the kids moved to another
station, they seemed to walk away, never asking if I needed help getting
through the maze of water bottles and cones.  I can do it, but it would have
been nice to be asked anyway.
It also happens to me at girl scout's, where you'd think they should have
more manners.  I just ignore them and do my own thing as I know they won't
even acknolegeme.
As for the snacks and stuff, just bring something for Sara and to heck with
their snacks.  But don't take her from her friends, maybe they will get used
to the idea of a blind mom hanging around.  Maybe next time they bring out
refreshments, you should say, I should of brought one for myself.  Myabe
then, they will get the hint that you are a real person. V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Deborah Kent Stein
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Multiple recipients of NFBnet blparent Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Fw: Where have all the manners gone? (question for Blind
Parent list)

Jo Elizabeth asked me to post this as she's having problems with her email
account.

______

Hi.  I've had an interesting question come up as my daughter has gotten old
enough that we can walk around the neighborhood and play with the other
kids.  There are a couple of families who live in the complex, one with a
child a few months older than Sarah, and one with a child a few months
younger, as well as some older girls.  Sarah likes to play with the kids,
who are often outside.  We've gone up there a couple of times, and I've sat
on the sidewalk with the other moms, occasionally enforcing the rules about
Sarah having to share and so on, but otherwise leaving her to play.

The first thing I noticed is that the other moms pretty much talk to each
other and don't include me in the conversation.  I'm somewhat of an
introvert, and also used to this, so I didn't do a whole lot about it at
first.  I just threw in a comment here or there, and they would answer
politely and then go on talking among themselves.  That bothered me a
little, but I let it roll off because Sarah had been enjoying the company of
the other kids.  Then, when I was there a few weeks ago, the moms and their
husbands were sitting around, and somebody brought out beers--for everybody
except me.  I'm not much of a drinker, so I didn't care, though I would have
loved a glass of water.  But it struck me as odd that I wasn't offered
anything.

So then the final straw was this morning.  The girls were out playing with
Barbie things on the sidewalk, so Sarah asked nicely if she could join them.
She did a great job of sharing all morning, I was proud of her.  Then the
girls went into their houses to get snacks.  They brought out chips and
wouldn't give any to Sarah, even though she asked politely.  She cried, and
one of the moms called out the window to see what she was crying for.  So I
said we had to go home and have lunch, and of course, Sarah was upset and
didn't want to leave.

So what's the deal?  I'm really appalled.  I wouldn't even consider giving
my kid or myself drinks or snacks when others were over without offering
them any.  And if Sarah had something to eat, I would insist that she would
share.  So am I hopelessly old-fashioned, or is there a real problem with
the rest of the world?  And what should I do?  Should I keep Sarah away from
the little girls, even though she enjoys playing with them?  Should I take
the lack of interaction from the moms as a sign that we aren't really wanted
there?  Or should I just chalk it up to them being nervous about my
blindness and keep on appearing over there till they get relaxed?  Should I
bring drinks and snacks for myself and Sarah, or bring them for everybody?
I'm just really troubled and at a loss.

Jo Elizabeth

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning,
unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into
advance."--Franklin D. Roosevelt
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