[blparent] Co-sleeping with toddler

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Well, looks like I'm going to be the bitch here. LOL Though it's great
to see our kids grow up and become perceptive and aware, you're letting
Dawson have the upperhand. He's not only aware of your intention, he's
made the connection that certain behavior will get him what he wants-
out of the crib and freedom to either stay awake or roam your room at
his leisure. It's not processed quite this intelligently, but on a basic
level, he knows what the situation is and how to respond. You're
basically catering to his whims now.

My sister did exactly what you're doing, and her kids to this day rule
the roost. They set their own bedtimes, eat when they want and know how
to manipulate the situation to get what they want. This was all learned
at an early age. The oldest at seven is still like this.

Crying is a healthy, natural part of life. Crying doesn't mean they are
hurt or that you're a bad parent. Penny, at two-years-old, has to cry it
out for an hour at times before falling asleep. Usually she just plays
in her bed, but she does cry at times. Nothing will happen to them when
they cry though, and studies actually show it's healthy for children,
and adults, to just cry at times.

No one is the perfect parent, and no one has all the answers. If you
can't accomplish chores or unwind though, there's a problem. And if
you're letting Dawson dictate all this, he's now dominating the
situation. Placing the matress on the floor is just the last straw in my
opinion. You want him to be safe and healthy, but to completely uproot
your schedule and life, this doesn't seem healthy.

It won't kill Dawson or you if he cries and cries in his crib. Children
actually require limits and boundries regardless of how they feel or
what they say and do. Penny has taken to screaming like a night owl when
she wants her way. We've learned to ignore it even when in public. Once
she realizes this doesn't get her attention, or her way, she stops. She
will do it during naptime in her crib too. After she realizes no one is
coming to let her out though, she lays back down and falls asleep.

I know it's tough, and you enjoy the bonding aspect, but honey, that kid
is wrapping his little finger around you much too tight, and he has all
the cards in his hand. You think the crying-it-out method is cruel and
unpleasant, but in a few years, you won't find it so pleasant when
Dawson is always demanding his way and refusing to listen to you. This
doesn't mean he isn't a sweet heart, but he's learning behavior at a
young age that is ingraining certain behavior and ideas that will stick.

And you mention how much you enjoy the bonding aspect, but what about
Dawson? Not that he doesn't like mommy time, or isn't learning anything
from the bonding, but at this point, the bonding seems to be more about
how the experience is for you, and not about what is best for Dawson.
You need time apart from him to unwind, relax, do something just for
yourself, or spend valuable bonding time with your husband. This is all
just as important as bonding with Dawson. Neither one of you seems
better for this scenario; maybe trying something new should be
considered.

And if Dawson is always sleeping with you, it won't be easy to have
another child! Smile.

I realize numerous methods and ideas for parenting exist. This is my
opinion, and it's either to be taken or ignored. Do not interpret this
as me saying you're a bad parent either. We all make mistakes, and we
all just want the best for our children. I just think you've dug
yourself a hole that, if continueing, will be difficult to dig out of.
Take control of the situation, and if Dawson has to cry, it won't kill
him. You need time for yourself and with your husband. This is my two
cents, and just an opinion. I have my own parenting issues to deal with;
we all do. But I've learned from this list that we can all offer some
wisdom, and we can learn from one another.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 1
Date: Tue, 25 Oct 2011 10:11:53 -0700
From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
To: "NFB blind parent listserv" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [blparent] co-sleeping with toddler
Message-ID: <002601cc9339$320be100$9623a300$@gmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset="us-ascii"

Hello parents,

 

I'd love to hear from those of you who chose to co-sleep with your
babies. My son Dawson who will be one years old on Halloween has been
co-sleeping with my husband and I since he was ten months old.  I
absolutely love the co-sleeping arrangement and in many ways wish I had
started it earlier.  The only snag that I'm finding is that Dawson used
to be able and go down in his crib for the first stretch of the night
which was a couple of hours and then by the time he woke-up I'd be ready
to go to bed or my husband would just bring him into me to co-sleep.
Now Dawson doesn't want to do the first stretch on his own and refuses
to go down without me.  I'm an early to bed person but now not having
that few hours on my own is difficult.  How do those of you with
co-sleeping toddlers usually start out your night?  I'm finding that
just letting Dawson play a little longer in my room with the TV on low
helps him start to calm for the night and then around 8:30 we can lay
down together with no stimulation noise or lights on and he'll fall
asleep quickly.  This isn't giving me any time to unwind for the night
though.  I'm still nursing Dawson so daddy putting him down to bed is
out of the question since he needs boob to fall asleep and that's not a
battle I want to start right now especially since breast feeding is so
special and something both Dawson and I love very much.  I'm against cry
it out methods and want sleep time to continue to be a positive and
pleasant experience for everyone.

 

Thanks,