[blparent] Co-sleeping with toddler

Thu Oct 27 19:55:02 UTC 2011

Yes, there are definitely individual factors that don't make co-sleeping the
best for some families.  Did you get your son a special fun toddler bed or
convert a convertible crib?  I have a convertible crib but am wondering if a
fun car bed or something like that wouldn't be better for the transition
from our family bed to his big boy bed when he's older.  For now we're just
enjoying having Dawson with us.  They grow up too fast and I'm just loving
him being a baby-new toddler right now.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Chad Allen
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2011 5:37 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Co-sleeping with toddler

I strongly discouraged my wife from co-sleeping at an early age. I had no
problems with the cradle being in the room but once Harrison went from
cradle to crib, I worked very hard at not having us co-sleep.

First, I'm a deep sleeper so when Harrison was little, I was concerned that
I might roll over on him without knowing. Many books reinforced my concerns
so we avoided the habit at a young age. 

When my wife tried co-sleeping after some protest, no one slept and he
quickly returned to sleeping in his own crib after only a few nights. 

Now, Harrison sleeps from 9-11 hours in his bed and at 15 months, we
converted the crib to a bed. He sleeps in it and does not get out of the bed
until morning. We have the baby monitor on and we sleep with it on and
everything works out great. 

My wife is quite happy too because she knows her son is a big boy who can
sleep on his own and we all get the sleep we deserve. 

Hope this helps.

Chad 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Bridgit Pollpeter
Sent: Wednesday, October 26, 2011 5:09 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] Co-sleeping with toddler

Well, looks like I'm going to be the bitch here. LOL Though it's great to
see our kids grow up and become perceptive and aware, you're letting Dawson
have the upperhand. He's not only aware of your intention, he's made the
connection that certain behavior will get him what he wants- out of the crib
and freedom to either stay awake or roam your room at his leisure. It's not
processed quite this intelligently, but on a basic level, he knows what the
situation is and how to respond. You're basically catering to his whims now.

My sister did exactly what you're doing, and her kids to this day rule the
roost. They set their own bedtimes, eat when they want and know how to
manipulate the situation to get what they want. This was all learned at an
early age. The oldest at seven is still like this.

Crying is a healthy, natural part of life. Crying doesn't mean they are hurt
or that you're a bad parent. Penny, at two-years-old, has to cry it out for
an hour at times before falling asleep. Usually she just plays in her bed,
but she does cry at times. Nothing will happen to them when they cry though,
and studies actually show it's healthy for children, and adults, to just cry
at times.

No one is the perfect parent, and no one has all the answers. If you can't
accomplish chores or unwind though, there's a problem. And if you're letting
Dawson dictate all this, he's now dominating the situation. Placing the
matress on the floor is just the last straw in my opinion. You want him to
be safe and healthy, but to completely uproot your schedule and life, this
doesn't seem healthy.

It won't kill Dawson or you if he cries and cries in his crib. Children
actually require limits and boundries regardless of how they feel or what
they say and do. Penny has taken to screaming like a night owl when she
wants her way. We've learned to ignore it even when in public. Once she
realizes this doesn't get her attention, or her way, she stops. She will do
it during naptime in her crib too. After she realizes no one is coming to
let her out though, she lays back down and falls asleep.

I know it's tough, and you enjoy the bonding aspect, but honey, that kid is
wrapping his little finger around you much too tight, and he has all the
cards in his hand. You think the crying-it-out method is cruel and
unpleasant, but in a few years, you won't find it so pleasant when Dawson is
always demanding his way and refusing to listen to you. This doesn't mean he
isn't a sweet heart, but he's learning behavior at a young age that is
ingraining certain behavior and ideas that will stick.

And you mention how much you enjoy the bonding aspect, but what about
Dawson? Not that he doesn't like mommy time, or isn't learning anything from
the bonding, but at this point, the bonding seems to be more about how the
experience is for you, and not about what is best for Dawson.
You need time apart from him to unwind, relax, do something just for
yourself, or spend valuable bonding time with your husband. This is all just
as important as bonding with Dawson. Neither one of you seems better for
this scenario; maybe trying something new should be considered.

And if Dawson is always sleeping with you, it won't be easy to have another
child! Smile.

I realize numerous methods and ideas for parenting exist. This is my
opinion, and it's either to be taken or ignored. Do not interpret this as me
saying you're a bad parent either. We all make mistakes, and we all just
want the best for our children. I just think you've dug yourself a hole
that, if continueing, will be difficult to dig out of.
Take control of the situation, and if Dawson has to cry, it won't kill him.
You need time for yourself and with your husband. This is my two cents, and
just an opinion. I have my own parenting issues to deal with; we all do. But
I've learned from this list that we can all offer some wisdom, and we can
learn from one another.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 1
Date: Tue, 25 Oct 2011 10:11:53 -0700
From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
To: "NFB blind parent listserv" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [blparent] co-sleeping with toddler
Message-ID: <002601cc9339$320be100$9623a300$@gmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset="us-ascii"

Hello parents,

I'd love to hear from those of you who chose to co-sleep with your babies.
My son Dawson who will be one years old on Halloween has been co-sleeping
with my husband and I since he was ten months old.  I absolutely love the
co-sleeping arrangement and in many ways wish I had started it earlier.  The
only snag that I'm finding is that Dawson used to be able and go down in his
crib for the first stretch of the night which was a couple of hours and then
by the time he woke-up I'd be ready to go to bed or my husband would just
bring him into me to co-sleep.
Now Dawson doesn't want to do the first stretch on his own and refuses to go
down without me.  I'm an early to bed person but now not having that few
hours on my own is difficult.  How do those of you with co-sleeping toddlers
usually start out your night?  I'm finding that just letting Dawson play a
little longer in my room with the TV on low helps him start to calm for the
night and then around 8:30 we can lay down together with no stimulation
noise or lights on and he'll fall asleep quickly.  This isn't giving me any
time to unwind for the night though.  I'm still nursing Dawson so daddy
putting him down to bed is out of the question since he needs boob to fall
asleep and that's not a battle I want to start right now especially since
breast feeding is so special and something both Dawson and I love very much.
I'm against cry it out methods and want sleep time to continue to be a
positive and pleasant experience for everyone.

Thanks,

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