[blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was introduction, expecting)

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

I don't mean for my message to be imflamatory, either.  But I've been 
wondering about the same issue Bernadetta brought up, except from a 
different angle.

The way I see it, every mom, or every couple, needs some help when there's a 
new baby in the house.  Sighted or blind, young or mature, experienced or 
novice, it doesn't matter.  It used to be that extended families were 
closer, and aid from relatives wasn't uncommon.  But these days, a new mom's 
network is likely to consist of friends and neighbors as well as maybe some 
family.  I'm not advocating dependence on sighted people.  I've done the 
greater share of raising my four-year-old daughter, and she's none the worse 
for wear because she has a blind mom.  But there were times when I needed 
help, usually not due to my blindness at all.  For example, when my daughter 
was an infant, she had to wear a brace because she had been born with a 
dislocated hip.  She couldn't move around too much, so she had a lot of 
discomfort from gas, as well as from the restrictions of the brace. 
Sometimes she would cry endlessly, hour after hour.  On several occasions 
when that happened, I called the former pastor's husband, who was often 
available during the day.  He came over and held my baby so I could get a 
break, or at least have someone to talk to, someone who could assure me that 
I would get through the tough times and that I wasn't a bad mom because I 
couldn't make my baby stop crying.  Once or twice, I even managed to slip in 
a relaxing shower, knowing my baby was in gentle, competent hands.  Another 
time, I went to the emergency room with a gallbladder attack, which involved 
indescribable pain.  My baby was five weeks old.  I had her dad call a good 
friend of mine who stopped in the middle of cooking dinner and came to the 
hospital to look after my daughter while I underwent a CT scan and some 
other tests.

I'm using these examples to point out that every mom needs help, not because 
she's blind but because life issues come up, and sometimes babies can just 
plain wear out their caregivers.  So if a blind mom, or a blind couple, goes 
int the hospital with the attitude that they're going to do everything 
themselves, and they don't need any assistance at all, thank you but no, 
that might be a red flag for the staff.  While my doctor was doing one of 
the seemingly countless cervical exams, about halfway through my labor, with 
most of his hand stuck where it really wasn't designed to go, he asked me if 
I would have someone to help me after the baby was born.  I calmly said yes 
I would, because I knew some members of my church had planned on bringing me 
meals for a short time, and I knew also that if I really needed something 
urgent, I had friends who would be there in no time flat.  I was confident 
in my answer, and that was the end of the discussion.  But if I had said 
hey, why would you think I need help?  I'm blind, but I'm independent.  I 
can do this all by myself.  Why aren't you more educated about blindness? 
Well, that might have prolonged the discussion, making more room for doubts 
and questions in the doctor's mind, and possibly leading to the eventual 
involvement of Child Protective Services.  So confidence is part of the 
issue, but overconfidence and hostility may also be what starts the ball 
rolling, and unfortunately, once the ball starts, when it comes to questions 
and social workers and the like, it's terribly hard to stop.

Just something to think about,
Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bernadetta Pracon
Sent: Saturday, August 11, 2012 5:29 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] introduction, expecting

It's interesting that hospitals involve child services right away,
before the baby can be released. I'm wondering if it's just because
hospitals aren't educated about blindness and parenting, or if it has
to do with the parents involved. I'm saying this because, though I was
observed extensively as I said in a previous email, I wasn't threatened
with child services. Could it be that the demeanor of the blind parents
dictates some of what the hospital staff puts them through?
I don't mean to be judgmental or criticize people I don't know, but
perhaps it would benefit some new or perspective parents to get some
pointers on what they should and shouldn't do or say when people are
challenging their ability to care for their child.
Who's to say that some people really aren't capable of caring for their
child. Can we honestly say that in each case in which parental custody
was terminated due to a hospital's intervention, the termination was 
unfounded?
I'm sure there have been some cases where a parent or a set of parents
either conveyed that they wouldn't be able to care for their child
successfully, or in fact, were incapable of doing so. It might not
necessarily have to do with their blindness in general, but with issues
stemming from their blindness.
I think it's great that people are advocating for hospitals to be more
educated about parenting as a blind person, but maybe it's not always
the hospital's fault. It seems that the majority of parents who say
that they haven't had any issues with child services are the ones who
exude confidence and seem competent, while those who claim they have
had issues with people intervening to the point where their custodial
rights were terminated seem a bit more unsure and don't know how to
hold their own when it comes to state workers and hospital staff. When
I was pregnant, I felt that the possibility of having my child taken
away by social services should be on the top of my list of concerns.
But the more I observe, the more I understand that the majority of
blind parents seem to say that they didn't face issues to that extent.
I don't mean for this message to be inflamatory; it's just something
I've been wondering about.

Bernadetta

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