[blparent] Clarification was Re: Involvement of Child Services (wasintroduction, expecting)

Sun Aug 12 19:43:08 UTC 2012

Just for the record, I agree completely with Marsha.  Blind parents, and 
parents with other disabilities, do get unnecessarily investigated because 
they are disabled.  I can't recall where I saw the statistics, or exactly 
what the numbers were, but the percentage of disabled parents who have 
Social Services in their lives at some point while raising their children is 
shockingly higher than the percentage of parents without disabilities who 
deal with Social Services.  Whether the parents of Mikayla were too 
confident, or not confident enough, or truly needed help, or had the 
situation completely under control, none of us will ever know because we 
weren't there.  We don't have all the details of the case.  Their battle was 
going on while my daughter was tiny, about the same age as Mikayla, and I 
grieved for the times those parents missed with their baby, times they can 
never get back.  So I agree, hospitals need to be more educated.  Social 
workers need to be more educated.  Home health nurses, lawyers, doctors, all 
need to be more educated.  But old ideas and stereotypes die hard, and while 
we're in the process of changing them, perhaps there are steps we can take 
as blind parents, or advise other blind parents to take because of the 
experiences we've had.  It would be fair to tell blind parents that if they 
are questioned, staying calm and confident, not getting hostile or 
belligerent, will heighten their chances that a social worker will ask a few 
questions and move on.  Having the knowledge and self-assuredness to ask 
anyone at any time what he or she has written on the medical charts will 
also be helpful, since those charts should be open to blind parents the way 
they would be to anybody else.  I wish I personally had the power to halt 
every unfair investigation with the wave of a magic wand.  But since I 
don't, I believe that the best thing we can do is give expectant blind 
parents, and really all blind parents, since many inquiries are raised 
beyond the hospital walls, the right tools to handle themselves and bring 
about positive resolutions.  Perhaps a CD or a video might someday be made 
that outlines some cases and gives parents ideas on how to handle situations 
where Child Protective Services does become involved.  I know I would have 
appreciated those resources when I opened my door one Saturday afternoon to 
find two police officers and a social worker on my front porch.

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Marsha Drenth
Sent: Sunday, August 12, 2012 11:17 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Clarification was Re: Involvement of Child Services 
(wasintroduction, expecting)

Let me clarify here. Social services does take children away from blind 
parents for no reason other than their disability. Social services, lawyers, 
doctors, nurses, custody evaluators, CPS all need to be educated in 
blindness. But I did not mean to imply that no blind parent, or any sighted 
parent would not need help. I do not think any parent who is blind should be 
a "super blind parent" just for the gratification of showing that they are 
independent. When our children are born, unfortunately they are not born 
with manuals. And unless a person has hadd experience with children, worked 
with them, or taken classes, a new parent is not going to know everything. 
As our children grow up, we encounter different situations, one particular 
method is not going to work with a child that is 10 compared to when they 
were 2 years old. We learn, we grow in our parenting styles, tools, methods, 
experiences. I can't say that a blind parent who is confident will always 
skip around the social services questions. Nor can I say that a blind 
parent who is not confident in their skills willl guarantee questions from 
social services.

What I am saying is that social services question our abilities purely just 
because we are blind and for no other reason. Its the same way if a parent 
is physical disabled or deaf. Those disabilities just as blindness does not 
prevent us from taking care of our children, although we will need to use 
alternative techniques, just as someone who is deaf, or physically disabled.

Would we say that in the case of the Mikayla baby, that the parents were too 
confident? Or that they didn't show enough confidence? or that they would 
not have had help, sighted or blind? Or that they were not capable? They 
were without their baby for months, Why because the social worker was not 
educated.Social services sometimes is going to investigate us, no matter how 
well or how bad we as parents are. if they understand, blindness, understand 
the alternative techniques we use. If they understand they then have no 
reason to question, our abilities.

What I am saying is, it doesn't matter why social services, or CPS gets 
involved. its how we go about resolving that parent and child are together, 
there are no gaps in skills, and that the child will be safe and taken care 
of. Its that we educate those professionals involved.

I know that i never ever want another parent to have to fight to keep their 
children, because social services, DSS, or CPS doesn't think because eyes do 
not work,  a person can't be  a parent.

your welcome to disagree with me, but real fights do happen out there, 
fights that should have not happened.

Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone

On Aug 12, 2012, at 9:46 AM, Bernadetta Pracon 
<bernadetta_pracon at samobile.net> wrote:

> Yep; I had a visiting nurse come as well. They did offer me that service, 
> and I took them up on it for the same reasons Peggy did. She was extremely 
> helpful. if you're a new parent, you should definitely use that resource 
> if it's offered to you. I don't care if you're planning on being super mom 
> and doing it all yourself; Any bit of extra insight, advice or help is a 
> good thing; don't shun it.
>
> Bernadetta
>
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