[blparent] emotional baggage

Sun Aug 19 23:58:21 UTC 2012

I'm glad you shared, too.  Other parents can be our best friends or our 
worst enemies.  My cousin had a baby boy three weeks before I had my 
daughter.  Her baby latched on like a champ and pretty much never let go. 
My baby got a slow start.  All I heard for months was how much her son 
weighed, how much he had grown, how big he was.  Then we were together at a 
family reunion, and everybody saw that my daughter was actively rolling 
while her son wasn't, and my daughter was much more agile than her son.  And 
of course, they all started in on her.  The whole thing was really 
ridiculous because all it did was make the two of us bitter about each other 
for no reason.  Babies grow at different rates, and guess what?  When 
they're both forty, nobody's going to care who got to twenty pounds first, 
or who rolled over first.

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Sunday, August 19, 2012 11:32 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] emotional baggage

Sharron, Thank you!  Boy, don't I know that feeling, as for the most part I
am the kind of person who will give it right back, but when Gab was born, my
really good friend who had her baby on the same day came over and  all she
could say, "wow, Gabriella has a big head!"  I, of course, put that info in
my head and worried and worried about that.  I told another friend what she
said and  her reply was, of course Gabriella has a big head because my
friend's baby had a pin head.  I know she said it to make me feel better,
but it did not.
Well after asking a bzillion people and inquiring about heads and babies,
Gabriella has a perfect head, not bigger than any other, God created
everyone different and that is that!  I took that info my friend threw at me
way back when and burned it!
I'm glad you shared! V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of sharon howerton
Sent: Saturday, August 18, 2012 5:04 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] emotional baggage

I found this post on a moms list serve. Please pardon the length but I
thought it was worth posting.
Sharon

Emotional Baggage
August 18, 2012
by Michelle of "They Call Me Mummy"
Share
Last week, when I dropped my children off at school, one of the mothers
walked up to me and put a rotten egg in my pocket. Just like that. I didn't
like the way it smelled, but I quickly zipped up my pocket and kept it with
me all day, anyway. I tried to ignore the stench that followed me around and
I tried to pretend that I wasn't aware that people were wrinkling their
noses as I walked by. I can only imagine what they must have been thinking
about me.

At the supermarket, one of those perfect mothers (you know the ones-dressed
in an unstained white suit, sporting perfectly coiffed hair and impeccable
make up.the ones who have magazine-cover-ready toddlers, eating organic,
homemade sugarless snacks, not having tantrums while pulling M&Ms off the
shelf) walked up to me, looked me up and down and sneered as she took three
filthy concrete bricks out of her shopping trolley and theatrically dumped
them in my handbag. The weight hurt my shoulder and sent the beginnings of a
headache shooting up my neck, but I dutifully zipped up my bag and carried
them off, all the same.

When I got to my car, I found an insulting note on my windscreen. It was
vulgar and untrue. It made me recoil with shock and hurt my feelings, so, of
course I pinned it to my chest for all to see.

By the time I got home, I felt smelly, weighed down, headachy and
desperately sad. I felt unlovable and ugly. I snapped at my children. I
didn't want my husband to come near me. After all, I smelled hideous, felt
like a loser and it was emblazoned across my chest that I was, in fact,
worthless.

Of course, these things didn't literally happen. But they do happen, in my
head. They happen every day. I bet they happen to you, too. Family, friends,
the checkout lady at the supermarket, the stranger on the street - all these
people give us messages about ourselves. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
Often, the messages we receive have nothing to do with us at all, but we
take them on board, regardless.

After much soul searching and deciding that enough is enough, I had an
epiphany of sorts. I am the one in charge of deciding what to do with these
messages. I don't have to carry all the baggage people offload on me. Let me
repeat that and this time, you join in: I don't have to carry the baggage
people offload on me! I get to choose which messages I keep and carry around
in my heart and my mind and which ones I reject.

Negative baggage that people dump on us is heavy. It's uncomfortable, it
slows us down and-most importantly- it's not ours. We do not have to accept,
wholesale, every negative comment aimed at us. Yet, without thinking, we all
seem to pick up every piece of this stinking, toxic baggage again and again
and-let's be honest-we often forget to ever put it down. Hell, when I was 7
years-old, a little piggy-tailed girl told me I have a ball-nose. To this
day, it's all I see in photographs of myself. She nonchalantly handed me
that baggage and I've been carrying it for 30 years! I'd be willing to bet
that nobody I know has ever given a seconds thought to my nose since that
little girl's flippant observation in 1983.

Being a peacemaker, and not wanting to confront or hurt someone else's
feelings (even those people who could, frankly, do with some hurt feelings),
I've often been the one saying, "Want to throw your fetid, rotten bag of poo
my way? Sure! I'm your girl,"

Problem is, it then becomes mine. I don't want to stand up and say, "No, I
will not accept that from you. Thanks for that little piece of turd, but
it's yours, not mine. You can keep it." for fear of causing ripples. So
again and again, I accept the negativity. I pop that piece of poo in my
pocket and keep it with me. The result? I'm the stinky one. I'm the sucker,
weighing myself down with baggage that doesn't even belong to me. Imagine
if, next time someone throws a destructive comment my way, I simply try
saying, "Why, thank you, but that's your toxic baggage, so no thanks!" and
walk away, unburdened? I'm sure I'd feel happier. I'm sure I'd feel lighter.
I know I'd feel empowered.

When we give other people the power to weigh us down, we disrespect
ourselves, plain and simple. This disrespect shows and we may as well be
walking around with a neon sign emblazoned on our chests, reading: Emotional
Baggage Depot-Dump your noxious garbage here!

Today is a new day. Today I'm going to think about the messages I am given
and actively decide what to zip up in my pocket and what to return to
sender. I have plenty of pockets, but I intend to keep them free for
treasures, sweet smelling flowers and gold nuggets.

So, to all the people I encounter looking to offload their fetid baggage on
me, I have this to say: "Sorry, this checkout is closed. Next counter
please."

Let's decide today to all put down the baggage we no longer want to carry.
Use the comment section below. Give me all your unwanted baggage. Get the
weight and stench of it out of your life. Write it all down and send it my
way. I'll build a gigantic imaginary bonfire and we'll burn it, once and for
all. Then walk away, hold your head high, and begin again. This time, with
an empty suitcase and all the potential to fill it up how you choose.

Michelle is a copywriter, artist and mum of three children under ten. Read
more of Michelle's work at
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