[blparent] Reintro and anouncement

[Bernadetta Pracon]

Wow...Kate, Gabe--First of all, congratulations!! That's wonderful! I 
sincerely wish you the very best of luck!
As for blending families, well, I can't speak to that from a parent's 
perspective as I've never been a single mom going through your 
situation, but I was raised by a single mom, so maybe I can shed some 
light on this from a kid's perspective. My mom never got married--She 
did get engaged once, but because of unfortunate circumstances it ended 
up not working out. She was with the man for most of my early 
childhood--He was a family friend who helped her out when she first 
came to America as a Polish immigrant. He was very much a father figure 
for me although we never lived with him. That being said, when they got 
engaged I was seven years old, and even after having known him all my 
life, the prospect of their marriage seemed very daunting to me. I was 
scared of the  changes to come, but also excited at the idea of a 
different future. This man didnt' have any kids of his own, so I can't 
attest to knowing anything about the idea of step siblings. Anyway, 
though I really liked the man my mom became engaged to, my nervousness 
and uncertainty overshaddowed the positive excitement. I was 
overwhelmed with the prospect of change--They began house hunting, and 
though I wasn't moving outside of the district I've lived in my entire 
life, I was moving out of the home I knew, so that was something I had 
looming over my head. I was very distressed.
I say this because I think that's how most kids feel about their 
parents' new unions. You dont' begin to understand and accept the 
positive aspect of a new love and a new partner until you grow up and 
experience love yourself. Now that I have my own family, if my mom were 
to be engaged I would smile from ear to ear and offer to help her plan 
the wedding, given that the man she would marry was a decent guy. As a 
young kid, my feelings about the same situation were much more complex.
Your oldest daughter might have more of an issue with that than  the 
three year old in my oppinion. She's grown used to a certain way of 
life, and no matter how eager she is to see Mom happy, maybe she might 
find the relocation, the newly united family, all the changes in 
general quite overwhelming. My suggestion is that you talk to her 
openly and frequently. Encourage her to share with you her feelings as 
the changes occur, because if she is feeling uncertain or overwelmed,  
you'll know and you can help her feel more at ease. The relocation 
might take a bit of a toll on her since she's probably going to miss 
her friends, her school and surroundings. There's no way to predict how 
much of an effect it'll have on her since I dont' know the specifics, 
but at least, with the help of today's technology, she can keep track 
of the people she's forged friendships with. It also helps that Gabe 
has a daughter around her age--She'll have someone at home to relate 
to. That's assuming that the two girls get along.
My point is, you're bound to hit some rough spots, but as long as this 
is genrally a positive change for everyone involved, it can be a great 
thing. You'll all how to adapt to each other, smooth out the rough 
patches here and there, but over time it'll help you all grow closer 
hopefully. Just make yrou best effort to keep the lines of 
communication between yourselves and your children open. that's 
probably the most important thing you can do.
Once again, the very best of luck to you both. I'm rooting for you and 
your families, and hoping that things turn out  absolutely great for 
all of you.
Bernadetta