[blparent] Behavior problems

Sat Jan 14 20:03:58 UTC 2012

Hi,

Your dad shouldn't be taking anything away from him, or even threatening to 
do so.  That's your job, not his or anybody else's.  I know you live with 
your parents but I think you really need to set boundries with them for your 
son's sake, and yours.  Part of your problem is that there are too many 
authority figures in your son's home and life and he doesn't really know 
which one he needs to listen to and respect.  I'm not saying your parents 
shouldn't be respected, but you are his parent, and they have their own 
roles as his Grandparents.  He needs to know that what you say goes, period, 
end of story, and that going to Grandma or grandpa won't do any harm or 
good, depending on whether he's in trouble or not.  Basically what you need 
to do is tell them to butt out where discipline is concerned.  Tell them to 
be Grandparents, do fun things, and in this way, you can  start building a 
working relationship with your son that's consistent and a healthy parent 
child relationship.
hth,

Tammy
-----Original Message----- 
From: Nikki
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 1:47 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

    About the stuffed animal. For some reason, I felt that comfort thing he
gets from it when he cried after hearing my dad threaten to take it away.
I've been planning to take away the Wii for good, due to a conviction I'm
having about it.

I wouldn't let anyone invade my son's comfort zone.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 12:16 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

Not sure I would take away a favorite stuffed animal.  Your son may get
comfort from that toy in a way he needs.  The Wii is another thing, if he
really likes it, then it maybe would work as an incentive--behave in school,
get your Wii back.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 6:46 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

> I don't neccessarily think its because you are blind. I think its because 
> you live in their house. I think this was brought up before and it was 
> suggested if you want your parental power back, you must move out the 
> house of your parents. that is the only way. because the parents will 
> always try and take rank, over you and over your son.
> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Apple Mac Mini
> Hit me up Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
> Website: http://thebt.net
>
> On Jan 13, 2012, at 4:00 PM, Nikki wrote:
>
>>   Thank you for all the advice.
>>
>> My son brought home another bad report today. I had him do that follow 
>> the directions, when he got home.
>> I just have a few questions. I know that punishment should fit the crime, 
>> but papa doesn't think taking him out of soccer is a good idea. He's 
>> concerned about physical activity. Then there's the completely removing 
>> the Nintendo Wii all together. or the one that makes my son cry hard, 
>> taking away a favorite stuffed animal that was a Christmas gift.
>> What do you think I should do?
>>
>> When my son cries, it is heart breaking and then I don't know what to do. 
>> I want to be the one who punishes not my parents. They are only grandma 
>> and grandpa. My kid is not their son to raise. It feels like because I'm 
>> blind I've lost my role.
>>
>> I agree that detention does nothing to teach a child right from wrong. 
>> It's just something for schools because they can't do any spanking or 
>> smacking of the kid.
>>
>> I have thought about putting him in a gifted school. But it is like a 
>> private school. There are less children in each class and the teachers 
>> can work one on one with each kid. There's a problem with it though. It's 
>> not close by and it's a bit pricey. They do offer financial aid, but I 
>> still can't afford it. I really don't like the public school system here.
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message----- From: jan wright
>> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 PM
>> To: blparent
>> Subject: [blparent] Behavior problems
>>
>> Hi Nikki,
>> My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
>> take it for what it is worht.
>> If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.
>>
>> Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
>> that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
>> Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
>> there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
>> directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
>> My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
>> I see very little reason for it.
>> There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
>> he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
>> detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
>> all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
>> problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
>> Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
>> so good" connections with others who are in detention.
>> And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
>> Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
>> I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
>> a hard time following directions,
>> what else is going on in the classroom,
>> how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
>> .
>> when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
>> back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
>> and is cued into you.
>> When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
>> is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
>> effort or boring or whatever???
>> Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
>> make it meaningful.
>> For example:
>> when I get home, I am to:
>> take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
>> pick up my room,
>> go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
>> etc.
>> Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
>> couple at first.
>> And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are 
>> finished.
>> Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
>> makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
>> wants to add.
>> Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
>> must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
>> And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
>> want to do, but must.
>> Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
>> directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
>> then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
>> remind him of his reward when he is finished.
>> Just some thoughts.
>> Dr. William Sears has a website:
>> www.askdrsears.com
>> which might be helpful.
>>
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>
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