[blparent] Behavior problems

Sat Jan 14 18:40:49 UTC 2012

>I guess taking away soccer and the games I don't think are too harsh of a
punishment, especially if it's something he really likes.  Let him >know
when he starts following directions and listening at home and in school then
these things can be given back.
I'd add one small caution here.  It may not be possible to give soccer back.
In many situations with sports, once you're out, you're out for the season.

One of my few rules about taking things away was to be extremely careful
about taking away what cannot be returned.  If you do that, then you've
removed the possibility of positive reinforcement when (hopefully) behavior
improves.  Sometimes you have to enforce punishment with long lasting
consequences, but think about it before you threaten or do it.

-----Original Message-----
From: Peggy [mailto:pshald at neb.rr.com] 
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 7:54 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

He's a gifted kid, now if that's the case, this is a whole different 
situation!!  Believe me when I say gifted children come with their own set 
of problems!!  I have raised two so far and I'd give anything for an 
ordinary non-gifted child, lol.  I guess taking away soccer and the games I 
don't think are too harsh of a punishment, especially if it's something he 
really likes.  Let him know when he starts following directions and 
listening at home and in school then these things can be given back.  I 
wouldn't, as others said, take away his stuffed animal, that might be his 
comfort thing.  And what parent doesn't feel guilty when their kids cry but 
be tough because if he learns that crying will get him what he wants ... 
that's what he'll do.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Nikki
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 5:00 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

    Thank you for all the advice.

My son brought home another bad report today. I had him do that follow the
directions, when he got home.
I just have a few questions. I know that punishment should fit the crime,
but papa doesn't think taking him out of soccer is a good idea. He's
concerned about physical activity. Then there's the completely removing the
Nintendo Wii all together. or the one that makes my son cry hard, taking
away a favorite stuffed animal that was a Christmas gift.
What do you think I should do?

When my son cries, it is heart breaking and then I don't know what to do. I
want to be the one who punishes not my parents. They are only grandma and
grandpa. My kid is not their son to raise. It feels like because I'm blind
I've lost my role.

I agree that detention does nothing to teach a child right from wrong. It's
just something for schools because they can't do any spanking or smacking of
the kid.

I have thought about putting him in a gifted school. But it is like a
private school. There are less children in each class and the teachers can
work one on one with each kid. There's a problem with it though. It's not
close by and it's a bit pricey. They do offer financial aid, but I still
can't afford it. I really don't like the public school system here.

-----Original Message----- 
From: jan wright
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 PM
To: blparent
Subject: [blparent] Behavior problems

Hi Nikki,
My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
take it for what it is worht.
If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.

Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
I see very little reason for it.
There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
so good" connections with others who are in detention.
And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
a hard time following directions,
what else is going on in the classroom,
how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
.
when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
and is cued into you.
When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
effort or boring or whatever???
Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
make it meaningful.
For example:
when I get home, I am to:
take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
pick up my room,
go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
etc.
Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
couple at first.
And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are finished.
Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
wants to add.
Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
want to do, but must.
Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
remind him of his reward when he is finished.
Just some thoughts.
Dr. William Sears has a website:
www.askdrsears.com
which might be helpful.

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