[blparent] Behavior problems

Sun Jan 15 06:00:49 UTC 2012

    I appreciate the understanding. I need to get out of the house either 
way, if it's best for me to stay or if I'm ready to leave again. Because I'm 
treated as though I'm incapable. Their actions speak louder than their 
words. My dad just assumes part of the "unified front."

-----Original Message----- 
From: Peggy
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 9:08 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

I know this can be hard, especially being a single mom out on her own, I've
been there and it's scary!!  And it sounds as if you're trying to take into
account your parent's feelings and those of your son ... but really you only
need to take into consideration what's best for you ... If moving out is
best for you and ultimately your son, then that is the choice you should
make.  If you can't afford to be on your own right now and the best choice,
healthy or not, is for you to stay.  Sometimes the situations we find
ourselves in aren't necessarily the best ones but we don't have a lot of
choice.  However, if being on your own is something you want to do then
start with Social Services.  Feel free to write me off list at
pshald at neb.rr.com if you need help.  I was a scared mother with a 2-year-old
daughter to support and then later on in my life I was again a single mother
with a daughter and a son ... so I know it's scary and tough especially with
people putting doubts in your mind.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Nikki
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 4:42 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

    Yes. I'm determined to move out , been planning to do it, but don't know
where to look for such an agency. I don't want my parents help because mthey
have made it clear to me that they don't want their grandson in a low income
housing. So, I'm being tugged at from all directions. My son has told me he
doesn't want to move with out them or he'll be sad. I told him that we can't
live here forever and grandma doesn't want us here forever either.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Kate McEachern
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:50 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

I think with your current situation it will be difficult to get back control
of your son. You have allowed your parents to parent your child and now you
wish they would just stay out of it. You should consider moving out with
your son and parenting on your own so that your parents have a brake. I
think you should see if there are agencies that help low income Mothers and
children find housing rather then asking your parents to help.

As the parent of a gifted child I can tell you that having three adults
arguing over discipline has given him a window to work with to get what he
wants and for his benefit you should tell your Dad to back off and stay out
of it.

Gifted kids are sensitive and hardheaded at the same time most ESE programs
will allow gifted children to see a guidance counselor once or twice a week
to help with issues with regard to playing with children and how the child
feels with the running of the family. My gifted 9 year old is seeing a
guidance counselor and this has been wonderful for our family. It has helped
with classroom behavior and behavior at home. Don't parent gifted children
the same as average children trust me it doesn't work.

HTH.

Kate

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 6:00 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

>    Thank you for all the advice.
>
> My son brought home another bad report today. I had him do that follow the 
> directions, when he got home.
> I just have a few questions. I know that punishment should fit the crime, 
> but papa doesn't think taking him out of soccer is a good idea. He's 
> concerned about physical activity. Then there's the completely removing 
> the Nintendo Wii all together. or the one that makes my son cry hard, 
> taking away a favorite stuffed animal that was a Christmas gift.
> What do you think I should do?
>
> When my son cries, it is heart breaking and then I don't know what to do. 
> I want to be the one who punishes not my parents. They are only grandma 
> and grandpa. My kid is not their son to raise. It feels like because I'm 
> blind I've lost my role.
>
> I agree that detention does nothing to teach a child right from wrong. 
> It's just something for schools because they can't do any spanking or 
> smacking of the kid.
>
> I have thought about putting him in a gifted school. But it is like a 
> private school. There are less children in each class and the teachers can 
> work one on one with each kid. There's a problem with it though. It's not 
> close by and it's a bit pricey. They do offer financial aid, but I still 
> can't afford it. I really don't like the public school system here.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: jan wright
> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 PM
> To: blparent
> Subject: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> Hi Nikki,
> My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
> take it for what it is worht.
> If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.
>
> Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
> that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
> Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
> there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
> directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
> My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
> I see very little reason for it.
> There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
> he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
> detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
> all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
> problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
> Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
> so good" connections with others who are in detention.
> And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
> Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
> I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
> a hard time following directions,
> what else is going on in the classroom,
> how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
> .
> when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
> back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
> and is cued into you.
> When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
> is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
> effort or boring or whatever???
> Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
> make it meaningful.
> For example:
> when I get home, I am to:
> take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
> pick up my room,
> go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
> etc.
> Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
> couple at first.
> And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are 
> finished.
> Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
> makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
> wants to add.
> Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
> must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
> And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
> want to do, but must.
> Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
> directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
> then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
> remind him of his reward when he is finished.
> Just some thoughts.
> Dr. William Sears has a website:
> www.askdrsears.com
> which might be helpful.
>
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I dreamed I met God. He sneezed, and I didn't know what to say to Him.

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