[blparent] Behavior problems

Sat Jan 14 02:25:13 UTC 2012

Here is an example of a reward system that has been working at my house for
a while now. My seven year old was missing his bus and just in general being
difficult to get up and out the door to school, and really to anywhaere. He
was getting up in plenty of time, but he was just not staying focused on
getting ready. I did not tell him ahead of time, but one week I really
focused on making certain everything I could do went into setting him up to
get himself  out that door on time, then on Friday he asked for $.50 for the
Friday treat at school, and I said that I paid for Friday treats for boys
who get themselves ready for school and to the bus stop on time. He was
pleased, and I have worked hard to follow through with that. I also made
certain that the days he missed his bus were very unhappy days for him. On
Thursday morning he did have to run for the bus carrying his socks and shoes
with a dusting of snow on the ground, but he made it. So I guess he believes
I am serious.

Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Peggy
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 9:39 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

Then make that a reward, you listen and follow dirrections at home and at 
school and on such and such a date ... not too distant in the future, you 
know, a week or less, then so and so can come over and play ... then if he 
does good and the friend comes over for that play date then let your son 
know that if he doesn't listen or misbehaves then the friend will leave 
immediately and follow through.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Nikki
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 9:25 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

I agree that it is unhealthy. I'm from Elgin, Illinois.

A question I have concerning punishment. Now is it ok or not ok to have a
play date when your child has a hard time listening and following
directions. I mean it's like he doesn't care that he has bad behavior or at
least that is how it seems.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Miranda B.
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:16 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

Hi,
You might try to see if there is a Love Inc. in your city. If you give me
your city and state, I may be able to help you do some research.
You might be able to Google low-income housing and your city. I'm glad you
are planning to move out. This sounds like an unhealthy situation at the
moment.

In Christ, Miranda

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 5:43 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

    Yes. I'm determined to move out , been planning to do it, but don't know
where to look for such an agency. I don't want my parents help because mthey
have made it clear to me that they don't want their grandson in a low income
housing. So, I'm being tugged at from all directions. My son has told me he
doesn't want to move with out them or he'll be sad. I told him that we can't
live here forever and grandma doesn't want us here forever either.

-----Original Message-----
From: Kate McEachern
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:50 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

I think with your current situation it will be difficult to get back control
of your son. You have allowed your parents to parent your child and now you
wish they would just stay out of it. You should consider moving out with
your son and parenting on your own so that your parents have a brake. I
think you should see if there are agencies that help low income Mothers and
children find housing rather then asking your parents to help.

As the parent of a gifted child I can tell you that having three adults
arguing over discipline has given him a window to work with to get what he
wants and for his benefit you should tell your Dad to back off and stay out
of it.

Gifted kids are sensitive and hardheaded at the same time most ESE programs
will allow gifted children to see a guidance counselor once or twice a week
to help with issues with regard to playing with children and how the child
feels with the running of the family. My gifted 9 year old is seeing a
guidance counselor and this has been wonderful for our family. It has helped
with classroom behavior and behavior at home. Don't parent gifted children
the same as average children trust me it doesn't work.

HTH.

Kate

----- Original Message -----
From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 6:00 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

>    Thank you for all the advice.
>
> My son brought home another bad report today. I had him do that follow the

> directions, when he got home.
> I just have a few questions. I know that punishment should fit the crime,
> but papa doesn't think taking him out of soccer is a good idea. He's
> concerned about physical activity. Then there's the completely removing
> the Nintendo Wii all together. or the one that makes my son cry hard,
> taking away a favorite stuffed animal that was a Christmas gift.
> What do you think I should do?
>
> When my son cries, it is heart breaking and then I don't know what to do.
> I want to be the one who punishes not my parents. They are only grandma
> and grandpa. My kid is not their son to raise. It feels like because I'm
> blind I've lost my role.
>
> I agree that detention does nothing to teach a child right from wrong.
> It's just something for schools because they can't do any spanking or
> smacking of the kid.
>
> I have thought about putting him in a gifted school. But it is like a
> private school. There are less children in each class and the teachers can

> work one on one with each kid. There's a problem with it though. It's not
> close by and it's a bit pricey. They do offer financial aid, but I still
> can't afford it. I really don't like the public school system here.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: jan wright
> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 PM
> To: blparent
> Subject: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> Hi Nikki,
> My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
> take it for what it is worht.
> If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.
>
> Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
> that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
> Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
> there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
> directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
> My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
> I see very little reason for it.
> There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
> he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
> detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
> all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
> problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
> Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
> so good" connections with others who are in detention.
> And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
> Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
> I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
> a hard time following directions,
> what else is going on in the classroom,
> how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
> .
> when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
> back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
> and is cued into you.
> When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
> is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
> effort or boring or whatever???
> Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
> make it meaningful.
> For example:
> when I get home, I am to:
> take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
> pick up my room,
> go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
> etc.
> Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
> couple at first.
> And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are
> finished.
> Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
> makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
> wants to add.
> Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
> must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
> And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
> want to do, but must.
> Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
> directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
> then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
> remind him of his reward when he is finished.
> Just some thoughts.
> Dr. William Sears has a website:
> www.askdrsears.com
> which might be helpful.
>
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