[blparent] Behavior problems

Nikki daizies304 at gmail.com
Mon Jan 16 02:37:53 UTC 2012 

    Elgin, IL

-----Original Message----- 
From: Kate McEachern
Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 7:15 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

OK, what state are you in?  I'll look up agencies for your area for you if
you want.  Write me off list if you wish what ever I would love to help you
out with finding help.  But I have nothing to work with.  Maybe if we knew
where you are we could give rellavent information to you.

Just a thought.
Kate
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:52 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems


>    So how do we fix it? We've slapped him, nodded him on the head, spanked 
> him. IDK if it's working.
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Tammy
> Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 1:35 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> Hi,
>
> My son does the same thing, and it's infuriating.
>
> Tammy
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 2:16 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
>    I've tried that approach. It sounds a lot like what my dad would say. 
> We
> went to church this morning, he and I, he seemed to be a perfect 
> gentlemen.
> Most of the time he isn't that bad. It's just that when he's told to stop
> doing something, he does it again to make the other person mad. It almost
> seems like it's diliberate, sarcastic.
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Tammy
> Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 1:41 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> Hi,
>
> Not sure when you'll get this but here's what I'd do.  Since the play date
> is supposed to be Monday, give him plenty of notice about it, like tell 
> him
> when he wakes up Sunday morning that the plan is to go on the play date.
> but tell him that if his behaviour isn't good between now and the 
> prescribed
> time you won't be going.  You might have to remind him of his goal a 
> couple
> of times, but it might have some impact.  And if he doesn't behave, don't 
> go
> on Monday.
>
> hth
>
> Tammy
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 12:36 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
>    We have a tentative play date Monday. We are going to his friend's
> house. IDK if he knows or remembers. So Should I say something like... we
> were going to go here... but you haven't been showing you can do what your
> told... do you think we should go anyway?
>
> Sure he'd say yes, but I want him to think about his bad behavior. I've
> asked him how can you fix it and he says softly, "I don't know." He seems 
> to
> love answering questions he knows the answer to, with that.
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Peggy
> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 9:38 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> Then make that a reward, you listen and follow dirrections at home and at
> school and on such and such a date ... not too distant in the future, you
> know, a week or less, then so and so can come over and play ... then if he
> does good and the friend comes over for that play date then let your son
> know that if he doesn't listen or misbehaves then the friend will leave
> immediately and follow through.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 9:25 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> I agree that it is unhealthy. I'm from Elgin, Illinois.
>
> A question I have concerning punishment. Now is it ok or not ok to have a
> play date when your child has a hard time listening and following
> directions. I mean it's like he doesn't care that he has bad behavior or 
> at
> least that is how it seems.
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Miranda B.
> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:16 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> Hi,
> You might try to see if there is a Love Inc. in your city. If you give me
> your city and state, I may be able to help you do some research.
> You might be able to Google low-income housing and your city. I'm glad you
> are planning to move out. This sounds like an unhealthy situation at the
> moment.
>
> In Christ, Miranda
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 5:43 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
>    Yes. I'm determined to move out , been planning to do it, but don't 
> know
> where to look for such an agency. I don't want my parents help because 
> mthey
> have made it clear to me that they don't want their grandson in a low 
> income
> housing. So, I'm being tugged at from all directions. My son has told me 
> he
> doesn't want to move with out them or he'll be sad. I told him that we 
> can't
> live here forever and grandma doesn't want us here forever either.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kate McEachern
> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:50 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
> I think with your current situation it will be difficult to get back 
> control
> of your son. You have allowed your parents to parent your child and now 
> you
> wish they would just stay out of it. You should consider moving out with
> your son and parenting on your own so that your parents have a brake. I
> think you should see if there are agencies that help low income Mothers 
> and
> children find housing rather then asking your parents to help.
>
> As the parent of a gifted child I can tell you that having three adults
> arguing over discipline has given him a window to work with to get what he
> wants and for his benefit you should tell your Dad to back off and stay 
> out
> of it.
>
> Gifted kids are sensitive and hardheaded at the same time most ESE 
> programs
> will allow gifted children to see a guidance counselor once or twice a 
> week
> to help with issues with regard to playing with children and how the child
> feels with the running of the family. My gifted 9 year old is seeing a
> guidance counselor and this has been wonderful for our family. It has 
> helped
> with classroom behavior and behavior at home. Don't parent gifted children
> the same as average children trust me it doesn't work.
>
> HTH.
>
> Kate
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 6:00 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
>
>>    Thank you for all the advice.
>>
>> My son brought home another bad report today. I had him do that follow 
>> the
>
>> directions, when he got home.
>> I just have a few questions. I know that punishment should fit the crime,
>> but papa doesn't think taking him out of soccer is a good idea. He's
>> concerned about physical activity. Then there's the completely removing
>> the Nintendo Wii all together. or the one that makes my son cry hard,
>> taking away a favorite stuffed animal that was a Christmas gift.
>> What do you think I should do?
>>
>> When my son cries, it is heart breaking and then I don't know what to do.
>> I want to be the one who punishes not my parents. They are only grandma
>> and grandpa. My kid is not their son to raise. It feels like because I'm
>> blind I've lost my role.
>>
>> I agree that detention does nothing to teach a child right from wrong.
>> It's just something for schools because they can't do any spanking or
>> smacking of the kid.
>>
>> I have thought about putting him in a gifted school. But it is like a
>> private school. There are less children in each class and the teachers 
>> can
>
>> work one on one with each kid. There's a problem with it though. It's not
>> close by and it's a bit pricey. They do offer financial aid, but I still
>> can't afford it. I really don't like the public school system here.
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message----- 
>> From: jan wright
>> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 PM
>> To: blparent
>> Subject: [blparent] Behavior problems
>>
>> Hi Nikki,
>> My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
>> take it for what it is worht.
>> If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.
>>
>> Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
>> that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
>> Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
>> there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
>> directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
>> My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
>> I see very little reason for it.
>> There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
>> he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
>> detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
>> all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
>> problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
>> Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
>> so good" connections with others who are in detention.
>> And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
>> Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
>> I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
>> a hard time following directions,
>> what else is going on in the classroom,
>> how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
>> .
>> when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
>> back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
>> and is cued into you.
>> When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
>> is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
>> effort or boring or whatever???
>> Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
>> make it meaningful.
>> For example:
>> when I get home, I am to:
>> take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
>> pick up my room,
>> go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
>> etc.
>> Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
>> couple at first.
>> And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are
>> finished.
>> Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
>> makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
>> wants to add.
>> Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
>> must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
>> And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
>> want to do, but must.
>> Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
>> directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
>> then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
>> remind him of his reward when he is finished.
>> Just some thoughts.
>> Dr. William Sears has a website:
>> www.askdrsears.com
>> which might be helpful.
>>
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>
>
> I dreamed I met God. He sneezed, and I didn't know what to say to Him.
>
>
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