[blparent] behavior problem solving

Tue Jan 17 17:38:17 UTC 2012

yes, we do this and it's fun. Plus your kid learns that there are reasons why directions need to be followed.
Niki, it sounds like part of the problem is that you wheel your dad out when you think you need him, i.e. reading notes from school, being the final go or no go with the following directions thing, and probably a few other things. Then you want him to step back and let you "be the parent".
Nobody likes being used that way. This would be true if we were talking about a husband.

Don't ever set something up that you are "in charge of" and then not be in a position to enforce it. You will fail every time.
Also, I sense some teenage dynamics going on here. You pulled your son out of soccer "no mater what my dad thinks" with no indication that you had a rational thought as to whether or not pulling your son out was useful. It came across as "My dad likes it, so by God I am not going to like it".

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 12:27 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problem solving

I think chores like setting the table and folding laundry might work really
well, since Nikki can check them for herself.  One thing that worked out
beautifully with my stepson, even when he was younger, was to cook with him.
We would read the recipe together, and he would carry out each step in the
proper order.  The nice thing about that was at the end, he would have
something to share with others that he was proud of, and he didn't dwell on
the fact that he was learning to follow directions.  He wasn't doing
something just for the sake of doing it, he had a good end result.  You can
start simply, with instant pudding or grilled cheese sandwiches, and then
move on as both of you advance.  I bought a cookbook for kids that had a
bunch of gross recipes in it like cowpie cookies and blue moose vein
casserole, and that added some fun to the activity.

Good luck,
Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:43 AM
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problem solving

> Niki,
> The problem as I see it is that you're setting things up so Grandpa is
> "the decider"
> Look at what you've written "I'll sit with him and then have Papa do the
> final check".
> Think about what that says to all involved.  Then think about why some of
> these dynamics are at play in your family.
>
> If you want him to follow directions, and you want to be regarded as
> competent, make them directions you can verify on your own.
> You can have him set the table, make beds, fold laundry, build something
> with legos, all kinds of stuff.
> With the directions you're proposing, you are setting yourself up as the
> parent who can't verify that the instructions have been done properly. Why
> would you do that?
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problem solving
>
>    He'll have a consequence if he doesn't follow through. Besides, I will
> be in the room and when he's done, I'll ask him to read what he wrote.
> He'll
> have to get papa's check to see if he did things right. But I don't have
> any
> doubt that he will do it if I'm there engaging, encouraging.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Tammy
> Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2012 11:54 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problem solving
>
> Hi,
>
> the only problem I see with that is how are you going to know if he does
> what you're asking of him?  If you tell him to draw something, how will
> you
> know if he's done it, or maybe he's drawn something else?  Same goes for
> writing, how will you know what he's writing?
>
> Just some thoughts
>
> Tammy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 12:30 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problem solving
>
>    Sounds feasable. I thought of making him do something like this when he
> gets home from school. He rarely has homework. So...
>
> Follow these instructions.
>
> Write your name on the top line.
> Draw a green triangle.
> Put the number 3 inside the triangle.
> Draw a red circle.
> Draw a blue square underneath the triangle.
> Draw a yellow diamond above the circle.
> Color in the square.
> Put  2 orange dots next to the diamond.
> Color in half of the circle.
> Write “I will do what I am told to do right away,”  5 times.
> Write the numbers 1 to 20.
> Count out 100 Cheerios.
> Eat 27 of them, put 56 of them back, how many do you have?
> Write that number on the second line.
> On the forth line, write your favorite color.
> What is 4 times 3? Put that number on the third line.
> Measure how long a spoon is using pennies, using quarters, using the
> ruler.
> I would elaborate on this one by having him count the cents and adding the
> amounts.
> What is your favorite thing to do in the winter? Write a sentence about
> it.
> (he dislikes writing)
> Hop on one foot 5 times.
> Do 10 jumping jacks.
> Find something in the house that rhymes with door. Write it down.
>
> Just something to keep him busy and to learn to follow directions, do what
> he's told.
> I'm coming up with a bunch of things, like I'll create a scavenger hunt
> for
> him to do.
> I'm not worried about his capability because he's smart.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Veronica Smith
> Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2012 5:51 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problem solving
>
> He is 6, he can do just about anything.  Emptying the trash cans
> Picking and stacking old papers, making neat piles
> Putting silverware away, excluding sharp knives.
> Making or straightening covers on a bed.
> My neighbor's kids always have had chores, her son, is now 8 and he has
> always done the sweeping of the bathrooms and dusts the furnature.
> Gab has always had to keep the counter in the front bathroom clean and
> wiped
> off.
> V
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2012 3:27 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] behavior problem solving
>
> Hi all. I have run into an issue with my son’s behavior in school. He came
> home with a note from the principal today saying that he had a hard time
> following directions, doing what he was told to do, and disrupting other
> kids in the class from learning.
>
>
>
>
>
> The teacher took him aside and explained to him that his behavior is
> disrespectful.
>
>
>
> Before I go any further, my son is 6 so he’s in first grade.
>
>
>
> But come tomorrow, after lunch, he has to go to the detention hall. I do
> not
> know what that is, but he deserves the punishment whether he likes it or
> not.
>
>
>
> My question for you is how do I rectify the behavior here at home. He has
> a
> hard time listening to what he’s told to do, then doing it.
>
>
>
> I had the idea of making a list of chores for my son to do here and making
> it into a chart or something he can help make. I just want some ideas as
> to
> what I could have him do.
>
> Thanks for your help.
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