[blparent] Behavior problems

Wed Jan 18 14:16:07 UTC 2012

I don't think it's bad to live in low income apartments ... I'd like to say 
just because you're low income doesn't mean you do drugs and don't take care 
of your kids or property ... however there are always those that don't or do 
... do drugs and don't take care of their kids or property.  The last 
apartment I lived in took housing and they were some of the nicest 
apartments I've ever seen.  However the management company was pretty strict 
and people would get kicked out for not complying with the rules ... But 
just because it's a low income area doesn't mean it's all bad, there are 
people who are in low income apartments just to get back on their feet again 
after a divorce or unemployment ... not because they're drug addicts and 
lazy.  I loved that apartment I lived in and I made some really good friends 
as well as my kids made some really good friends.  So Nicki don't be scared 
away just because you might have to move into a low income place for a while 
they're not all that bad.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:23 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

I agree.  I've lived in my share of low income apartments and mobile homes.
I've met some of the best people I ever knew there, and had some experiences
I wouldn't trade for the world.  But overall, I do have to say that I'm
happy not to be raising my little girl in that environment because there are
aspects of living there that aren't the safest, physically and emotionally.
Actually, when I first got pregnant, before my family turned on me, my mom
said she didn't want her grandchild raised in the apartment complex where I
was living.  I understood where she was coming from, but it wasn't an issue
because I'd already put money down on my condo.  I can kind of see both
sides of the coin.  Sometimes you need your independence enough to go out on
a limb.  In that case, get in touch with your county government.  You can
easily find them online by entering the name of your county and state into a
search engine like Google.  Call the main number, and you'll be referred to
their housing division.  Housing is usually handled at the county government
level, and the county may be able to give you a list of private resources in
your area.  Subsidized housing has to meet safety standards.  During your
interview, you can also stress that you need to find a place close to bus
routes, or in a community where police are present.  The last place I was in
had a partnership with the local police department, which didn't do a whole
lot to curb the drug and gang problems.  Which leads to the other point--if
you can't handle some risk, and it's worth paying the price for feeling
safe, stay where you are.  I couldn't live with my mom on a bet, but then
it's never come down to not having anywhere at all to go, so you never know.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Kate McEachern" <kflsouth at gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 7:50 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems

> I would like to point out that not all low income housing is "the hood". 
> Yes, there can be ishues but people want a dry place to stay rather then 
> the park bench and if some one is unhappy they have a right to leave.  We 
> all have the right to make mistakes in life.  And low income housing isn't 
> the end of the housing road.  Its a place to get on your feet and dust 
> yourself off.  Yes some people never get out but that is their choice if 
> that is the house they are happy with then so be it.
>
> Kate
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 10:27 AM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>
>
>> Sounds like you may be cutting off your nose to spite your face.
>> Have you been to low income housing? There are good reasons your parents 
>> don't want their grandchild living there.
>> I get that you want to be on your own, but not the expense of your 
>> economic and emotional health and that of your child's.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf Of Nikki
>> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 5:43 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>>
>>    Yes. I'm determined to move out , been planning to do it, but don't 
>> know
>> where to look for such an agency. I don't want my parents help because 
>> mthey
>> have made it clear to me that they don't want their grandson in a low 
>> income
>> housing. So, I'm being tugged at from all directions. My son has told me 
>> he
>> doesn't want to move with out them or he'll be sad. I told him that we 
>> can't
>> live here forever and grandma doesn't want us here forever either.
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Kate McEachern
>> Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:50 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>>
>> I think with your current situation it will be difficult to get back 
>> control
>> of your son. You have allowed your parents to parent your child and now 
>> you
>> wish they would just stay out of it. You should consider moving out with
>> your son and parenting on your own so that your parents have a brake. I
>> think you should see if there are agencies that help low income Mothers 
>> and
>> children find housing rather then asking your parents to help.
>>
>> As the parent of a gifted child I can tell you that having three adults
>> arguing over discipline has given him a window to work with to get what 
>> he
>> wants and for his benefit you should tell your Dad to back off and stay 
>> out
>> of it.
>>
>> Gifted kids are sensitive and hardheaded at the same time most ESE 
>> programs
>> will allow gifted children to see a guidance counselor once or twice a 
>> week
>> to help with issues with regard to playing with children and how the 
>> child
>> feels with the running of the family. My gifted 9 year old is seeing a
>> guidance counselor and this has been wonderful for our family. It has 
>> helped
>> with classroom behavior and behavior at home. Don't parent gifted 
>> children
>> the same as average children trust me it doesn't work.
>>
>> HTH.
>>
>> Kate
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Nikki" <daizies304 at gmail.com>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 6:00 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Behavior problems
>>
>>
>>>    Thank you for all the advice.
>>>
>>> My son brought home another bad report today. I had him do that follow 
>>> the
>>> directions, when he got home.
>>> I just have a few questions. I know that punishment should fit the 
>>> crime,
>>> but papa doesn't think taking him out of soccer is a good idea. He's
>>> concerned about physical activity. Then there's the completely removing
>>> the Nintendo Wii all together. or the one that makes my son cry hard,
>>> taking away a favorite stuffed animal that was a Christmas gift.
>>> What do you think I should do?
>>>
>>> When my son cries, it is heart breaking and then I don't know what to 
>>> do.
>>> I want to be the one who punishes not my parents. They are only grandma
>>> and grandpa. My kid is not their son to raise. It feels like because I'm
>>> blind I've lost my role.
>>>
>>> I agree that detention does nothing to teach a child right from wrong.
>>> It's just something for schools because they can't do any spanking or
>>> smacking of the kid.
>>>
>>> I have thought about putting him in a gifted school. But it is like a
>>> private school. There are less children in each class and the teachers 
>>> can
>>> work one on one with each kid. There's a problem with it though. It's 
>>> not
>>> close by and it's a bit pricey. They do offer financial aid, but I still
>>> can't afford it. I really don't like the public school system here.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: jan wright
>>> Sent: Friday, January 13, 2012 1:19 PM
>>> To: blparent
>>> Subject: [blparent] Behavior problems
>>>
>>> Hi Nikki,
>>> My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
>>> take it for what it is worht.
>>> If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.
>>>
>>> Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
>>> that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
>>> Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
>>> there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
>>> directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
>>> My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
>>> I see very little reason for it.
>>> There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
>>> he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
>>> detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
>>> all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
>>> problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
>>> Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
>>> so good" connections with others who are in detention.
>>> And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
>>> Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
>>> I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
>>> a hard time following directions,
>>> what else is going on in the classroom,
>>> how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
>>> .
>>> when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
>>> back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
>>> and is cued into you.
>>> When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
>>> is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
>>> effort or boring or whatever???
>>> Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
>>> make it meaningful.
>>> For example:
>>> when I get home, I am to:
>>> take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
>>> pick up my room,
>>> go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
>>> etc.
>>> Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
>>> couple at first.
>>> And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are
>>> finished.
>>> Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
>>> makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
>>> wants to add.
>>> Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
>>> must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
>>> And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
>>> want to do, but must.
>>> Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
>>> directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
>>> then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
>>> remind him of his reward when he is finished.
>>> Just some thoughts.
>>> Dr. William Sears has a website:
>>> www.askdrsears.com
>>> which might be helpful.
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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I dreamed I met God. He sneezed, and I didn't know what to say to Him. 