[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike! (step-families)

Erin Rumer erinrumer at gmail.com
Wed Jun 6 21:16:58 UTC 2012 

Do you think that your hubby would be willing to go to some counseling with
you over these issues?  I think that sometimes the other parent so to speak
just doesn't know how to reinforce the rules thus avoiding the problem all
together.  There may be other facets to the problem here for sure, but maybe
solidifying his methods could be helpful not to mention how healthy it would
be for the two of you to be able and communicate about these issues in a
facilitated and supportive environment.  This would sure relieve you from
feeling like a nag and bring the two of you closer together.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:35 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike! (step-families)

We have that arrangement, in theory, meaning I take any major problems to
Dad.  But Dad tends to be way more lax then I am about what the housekeeping
terms will be, beyond putting dinner dishes in the dishwasher.  So when I've
taken the issue to him, he hasn't done much about it.  Just in talking this
through, I'm thinking maybe the issue is one between me and Dad, but it's a
sticky one that isn't easy to resolve.

Jo Elizabeth

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a
song."  Maya Angelou

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Sean Paul" <newsandtraffic at aol.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 1:28 PM
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

> I know when my current wife & I married. Which meant she became a step 
> mom. I sat my boys down the first weekend that they came to stay with 
> us before we were even married & explained with her sitting there what 
> was & is continued to be expected of them. We also agreed that if 
> there was an issue with them unless it was life or death. She'd speak 
> with me first regarding said issue. Not meaning that if she told them 
> to pick up something. As, they understood that they were to pick it 
> up. But, that if she asked them several times & they didn't. She would 
> come to me & I'd handle from there. I guess what I'm saying exactly 
> that if there was & is any major discipline to be handed out. We 
> agreed that I'd be the one to do that. We've had very few issues with this
arrangement.
> Good luck going foreword.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "sharon howerton" <shrnhow at att.net>
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 13:33
> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>
>
>> This whole thread reminds me of what I felt when my sons were young 
>> as their dad didn't care one way or the other about keeping things 
>> neat, etc. To me, there needs to be a united front of both parents, 
>> natural or otherwise, about what is expected at home. For me it was 
>> continual frustration to the point that after 20 years of marriage, I 
>> filed for divorce and left, probably to the amazement of my two sons and
their dad.
>> To me you have an unenviable situation, , Jo Elizabeth, since this is 
>> not your own son, he gets one message from you, one from his mom and 
>> probably something from his dad, not to mention how he lived when he was
younger.
>> Then you throw in the blindness component you have when he leaves 
>> stuff around. With his mom and dad it wouldn't matter; for us, it's a 
>> huge pain and ongoing annoyance when you have to pick up things, trip 
>> or step over them, spill things, etc. Good luck.
>> Sharon
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:18 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>
>>
>>> Little pizzas might be a good idea.  The dishes thing is interesting--I 
>>> did stop him from leaving half full drinks sitting around where they 
>>> could be, and were often, knocked over.  I said if I had to clean up one

>>> more spill I was going to take all the cups and glasses out of the 
>>> kitchen and leave only sippies.  I would have done it, too, but so far I

>>> haven't had to.  Also, I have an empty Pringles can in my utensil 
>>> drawer, and all of the steak knives go into that can so I don't reach 
>>> into the drawer and grab one of the blades by accident.  I did take all 
>>> of the knives and put them in a hiding place, and when I returned them 
>>> to the drawer, I haven't had any more trouble with the blades not going 
>>> into the Pringles can.
>>>
>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>
>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a

>>> song."  Maya Angelou
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 11:04 AM
>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>
>>>>        To put a more positive spin on this, maybe his mom enjoys 
>>>> waiting on him or maybe she's got some control issues and he's gotten 
>>>> yelled at for not doing things exactly as she would do them?
>>>>
>>>> Not that you need to put up with this, but you may not know what went 
>>>> on or goes on when he's with his mom.
>>>> If he was living with me, I'd first tell him what I expect. Then if he 
>>>> ignored me, I'd make him feel the pain.  If dishes don't go where they 
>>>> need to, well, he must not care so he doesn't get a place set at the 
>>>> next meal because that requires clean dishes.  If his clothes are 
>>>> everywhere, well he must not need them clean.
>>>>
>>>> Also, I'd probably have made Sarah a nonpizza lunch and explained to 
>>>> her that you're trying to train her silly stepbrother.  I say this 
>>>> because he's just figured out that if Sarah wants something you'll do 
>>>> it. That's not technically fair to Sarah but it also isn't fair that 
>>>> you fee like the maid and all of you need to realize you live as a 
>>>> group.
>>>>
>>>> If you just can't say no to pizza, can you get little pizzas, only big 
>>>> enough for one so Sarah can have hers and stepson can go without?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
>>>> On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>>>> Sent: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 5:12 PM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>> Subject: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>
>>>> Hi.  Summer vacation is just beginning around here, and my stepson is 
>>>> living with us during the weeks and going home to his mom on the 
>>>> weekends. It's a workable arrangement, except for one thing.  I think 
>>>> my stepson is used to his mom pretty much waiting on him.  Like today, 
>>>> he wanted a frozen pizza for lunch, but he made no move to get up and 
>>>> make it.  I finally did the job because Sarah wanted some too.  He 
>>>> doesn't put dishes in the dishwasher, or if he does, they're not rinsed

>>>> first. He doesn't see a problem with clothes all over the floor.  The 
>>>> maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>
>>>> Any tips for how to deal with older kids?  Sarah's young enough that 
>>>> she pretty much does what I tell her, and she already knows she has to 
>>>> put dishes in the sink and clothes in the hamper.  But my stepson is 
>>>> driving me crazy, and I just don't have the energy to keep my house 
>>>> from getting to look like Hurricane Katrina has taken up residence.
>>>>
>>>> Run ragged,
>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has 
>>>> a song."  Maya Angelou
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