[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

Erin Rumer erinrumer at gmail.com
Thu Jun 7 00:34:11 UTC 2012 

Gabe, if you really work so hard as a single parent then you should
understand the hard work that Jo Elizabeth is going through and not post
rood comments like you did.  I'll leave it at that.  We're not wanting sugar
coated comments, just polite and respectful decency.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Gabe Vega
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 4:39 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

1. I am a single father. 2. there are many times where my work, my leisure
and my dating life ha have to been sacrificed based on me knowing what its
like to have to be the single parent. I have had to schedule my work
schedule around her school schedule, I have to take off work when she is
sick. I have no other parent to lean on when I need a break. so get over it.
we are all in the blind parental struggle some how and I might not be
eloquent, but I get things done. maybe the point didn't come across all nice
and pretty like you wanted it but it wasn't an insult I tell you that much.
Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
Website: http://thebt.net

On Jun 6, 2012, at 4:06 PM, Erin Rumer wrote:

> Gabe, why do you have to go starting fires again on the list with your 
> rash insults.  It's one thing to share opinions about something, but 
> gentle tact should be used.  We are all just trying to help Jo 
> Elizabeth out here with a truly difficult situation, why can't you do 
> the same or reframe from responding to this thread?  Until you've 
> actually stayed at home and taken care of a house and family 24 hours 
> a day, plus trying to squeeze in an extra job to earn extra income, 
> please don't make assumptions.  You talk like Jo Elizabeth is telling 
> all of us that she wants her step-son to take on all the house duties 
> while she sits around and eats potato chips and watches Oprah.  The 
> woman puts in more hours than she probably should for her own health 
> and sanity as do a lot of us and this is not a job that we can punch 
> out of after 8 hours sir!  Now let's get back to the wonderful blind
parent list we're designed to be.
> 
> Erin
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
> On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 2:39 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
> 
> First of all, for your information, I don't get an SSI check, or a 
> welfare check of any kind.  Not that it's any of your damn business 
> where my money comes from, but I work from home as a braille 
> proofreader.  Most of the money to support my household comes from me.  
> Frankly, I work my ass off.  I spend time with my daughter and stepson 
> during the day, working when I can, and then I work for three or four 
> hours a night when my daughter has gone to bed.  My stepson's dad--who 
> is not my husband by the way I only say stepson for lack of a less 
> awkward word--owns a small watch repair shop, so he is gone from the 
> house during the day, but both of us are working.  Secondly, it would be
nice if you check the facts before you run off at the mouth.
> And thirdly, even if I didn't have a job besides being a homemaker, 
> which I do, I should be able to expect some help and cooperation from 
> the other people who live with me.  I'll stop there because the resst 
> of what I feel like saying wouldn't be appropriate for a family-oriented
list.
> 
> Jo Elizabeth
> 
> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has 
> a song."  Maya Angelou
> 
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:26 PM
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
> 
>> this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but, if you don't 
>> work
>> 8 hours a day like husband does, what is wrong with you being the 
>> house cleaner? I mean, you want to step son to put his share in but 
>> what about you. since your husband brings in the income, and I am not 
>> counting SSI as income, its a welfare check. then why aren't you 
>> expected to clean up around the house. irrelevant to the step son 
>> helping
> out or not?
>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>> Website: http://thebt.net
>> 
>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 2:20 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>> 
>>> I did try that with the skateboard, and I also have it set up for us 
>>> to go to the zoo on Friday.  And probably an amusement park later in 
>>> the summer. I do want to have fun and positive memories, and not 
>>> just be the evil stepmother who nags about stuff all the time, but 
>>> there's a fine line I'm struggling with between keeping harmony in 
>>> the home by being the involuntary maid and housekeeper, which makes 
>>> me angry and resentful, and trying to get both my stepson and his 
>>> dad to see that helping out a bit would be better for us all.
>>> 
>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>> 
>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it 
>>> has a song."  Maya Angelou
>>> 
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:08 PM
>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>> 
>>>> I agree entirely with Bernadetta's post.  You have to have order in 
>>>> the home but the last thing you need is to become the evil step 
>>>> mother while the biological parents aren't reinforcing the rules 
>>>> along with you.  To go more into depth with what I mentioned in my 
>>>> first post, something you might consider trying is to sit down with 
>>>> your step-son and talk to him about what he feels would be 
>>>> reasonable and fair to do around the home to help-out the family 
>>>> and what punishments he also feels would fit the crime so to speak.
>>>> You'll have to go back and forth in conversation to agree on things 
>>>> but this might help him feel a sense of control in the situation 
>>>> and treated like an adult in a lot of ways which I believe he'll 
>>>> really respect you for.
>>>> Speak
>>>> to him from your heart and explain why you'd like to see certain 
>>>> things done and how much it means to you when he does help out.
>>>> This young lad is hurting inside as are all children of broken 
>>>> homes so just try to keep loving him with all your might while 
>>>> keeping communication lines open and enforcing rules.  If the you 
>>>> know what hits the fan, simply stop, sit down and continue having 
>>>> dialog with the boy to let him know how his actions are effecting 
>>>> the balance of the home.  When he does good make an extra point to 
>>>> praise him with hugs and positive words and an occasional material 
>>>> treat but try to avoid rewarding him mostly with material treats 
>>>> because that just keeps him focusing on himself and what he wants 
>>>> thus negatively effecting his motives for doing the right thing in the
first place.
>>>> I hope this helps.
>>>> 
>>>> Erin
>>>> 
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>> [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>> On
>>>> Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:14 PM
>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>> 
>>>> Hi everyone,
>>>> Ok, maybe it's not necessarily my place to comment on this thread 
>>>> because I only have a baby, therefore not as much experience with 
>>>> parenting as most of you, and I do not have any stepchildren.
>>>> However, I've been following this thread because I found the 
>>>> predicament interesting.
>>>> I definitely feel for you Jo; You have a way of life, an order of 
>>>> things, and it's unfortunate that a son you hadn't raised yourself 
>>>> has trouble following your rules. From your posts on this 
>>>> listserve, it seems that you're a great parent and that Sarah will 
>>>> grow up to be a calm, responsible, kind person.
>>>> Here's my two cents on the issue: I think that what Rebecca 
>>>> suggested is well-intended, but probably a bit too harsh. I 
>>>> understand that a teenager needs to learn how to be an adult, must 
>>>> take responsibility, etc. But perhaps punishing with food, or lack 
>>>> there of rather, is not the way to go.
>>>> It's not horrible perSey, but all the same, you don't want to make 
>>>> him feel like he's unwelcome at your home, especially since he is 
>>>> your husbands son and your daughter's big brother. Perhaps the "no 
>>>> meal" punishment would be acceptable if the child was only yours to 
>>>> raise, meaning that he had no outside parental influence besides 
>>>> yourself and your husband, but let's face it--The boy has what he 
>>>> probably refers to as his real mom, and that person isn't you. 
>>>> Maybe I'm not wording this properly, but my point is that whether 
>>>> we like to realize it or not, there are always some unspoken rules 
>>>> about the boundaries of a stepparent versus a natural parent, if 
>>>> not in the minds of the adults, than in that of the children's at
least.
>>>> Perhaps there are situations where a stepparent is more 
>>>> influencial, more involved than the real parents, and it's always 
>>>> good to teach a young person valuable life lessons. But my 
>>>> reasoning is, if you go behind your husband's back and refuse to 
>>>> serve his son a meal because he ignored you, no matter how calmly 
>>>> it's done, I can't really see a good outcome.
>>>> He'll tell his mother that Jo doesn't feed him when he's there, the 
>>>> mom will no doubt have a word with dad about it, who will in turn 
>>>> be a bit miffed at Jo for her eforts, even though they were well 
>>>> intended. Step children are a tricky situation sometimes. I know 
>>>> because I was  raised by a single mom who dated and was engaged 
>>>> once, then married. My stepfather was a great guy in theory, but he 
>>>> was also the man who contributed to some changes during my 
>>>> childhood that I didnt'
>>>> necessarily welcome back then. In retrospect, he did a wonderful 
>>>> job in trying to be a parent, but there were times when he tried to 
>>>> enforce rules that my mom didn't necessarily agree with, and I 
>>>> resented him for that because I felt he wasn't my real parent, and 
>>>> if my mom said that something was ok then it should have been ok.
>>>> That way of thinking is obviously not very fair to the stepparent, 
>>>> I realize that now; I'm just trying to bring forth the mind set of 
>>>> a child in that situation.
>>>> My point in this long-winded ramble is that perhaps there are more 
>>>> proactive ways to teach this boy his responsibilities than to 
>>>> deprive him of a meal or something to that effect. I don't think it 
>>>> would benefit anyone if Jo was to be seen as the evil stepmom, 
>>>> something she certainly isn't. Try to resolve this issue in such a 
>>>> way that would avoid conflict between yourself, your husband, and 
>>>> his son's mother.
>>>> You say, jo, that the kid is a good boy for the most part; Maybe 
>>>> resorting to such consequences might not be necessary.
>>>> 
>>>> Just my two cents, for what it's worth.
>>>> 
>>>> Bernadetta.
>>>> 
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