[blparent] Tips on Integrating Different Parenting Styles

[Erin Rumer]

Hello Jo Elizabeth,

I like your approach with the kids because like you said, it's better to
teach the children in a fun manner and get them to do what is best for them
in a way that ultimately aids them in thinking independently for themselves
and wanting to do something because they understand how it's best for them
and not just because mommy or daddy told them to do it.  I have situations
that come up like this with my own husband, as does every couple and I would
try and really sit down with your hubby in a heart-to-heart fashion when
you're alone and talk about these such parenting styles.  If he feels heard
on your end and understands why you are teaching the children like you are,
then he may ease up on getting loud with the kids when he's frustrated in
the moment when they're not doing what they need to do as quickly as he'd
like.  Also, it's wonderful to be a united front as a couple on things with
the kids, however, if you're willing to sing songs and make eating dinner
fun for your daughter, then maybe your husband can allow himself to sit back
and relax in those situations and enjoy the show.  I think that your husband
simply doesn't understand how getting loud is breaking the kid's spirits and
taking the focus	 off of what he wants them to do entirely.  Please
keep us posted, because I'd love to know how this is going for you guys.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 11:07 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Tips on Integrating Different Parenting Styles

Hi.  I feel the need to preface my question with the disclaimer that Sarah's
daddy is a good father.  He isn't abusive or mean, and Sarah has a good
relationship with him.  I also know that all of you here aren't supposed to
figure out my relationship for me.  I'm just in a bit of a quandary.

The thing is, Gerald and I tend to have very different parenting styles.
I'm much more willing to talk things out with my four-year-old, answer her
questions, and do things like sing songs or play silly games to get her to
eat the dinner she doesn't want to touch or whisk her out of the bathtub
when bath time is over.  Gerald says I'm a pushover, and I may be once in a
while, but I pick my battles and stick to them, without sweating the little
skirmishes.  He's way more likely to raise his voice than I am, and he goes
straight to, "I said do it, now do it."  I know there has to be some of that
reaction, and I've gotten that way myself sometimes, but I don't think it's
the tool of first resort.  Like tonight we were eating fish sticks and
French fries--I know, the dinner of champions--and she was dawdling and not
wanting to eat.  So I started playing a silly game with her, singing about
how she had stinky feet because she was bound for the tub when she got done,
and getting her to eat the fish in between the singing.  Gerald, however,
went straight to, "Pick up that fish and put it in your mouth, right now."
He raised his voice, and both kids, Sarah and my stepson, sort of tensed up
like, oh no, when is he going to yell.  I grew up with parents that yelled
too much.  It's no fun.  I think it scares kids, and that a softer touch
usually gets better results.

So my question is, any tips on getting Daddy to ease up a little?  Or should
I accept it as it is with him?

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist
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