[blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Sun Nov 11 21:02:17 UTC 2012

I beg to differ, if you choose to include your daughter in everything you
do, then it is your right.  Gab has gone with me almost every where I have
ever gone and she has learned.  Peeps know if I am coming, then more than
likely so is my daughter.  You're right, she doesn't have to, but I want her
to.
Hopefully you didn't tell your other driver, you wanted her because someone
wouldn't allow Sarah to come along, that  in my opinion, is between you and
your friend when it comes to driving issues.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:49 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Sarah's a good kid.  Granted, she doesn't sit perfectly still, and now and
then she whispers or giggles or drops a crayon, things like that.  But she
sings a lot of the songs, and prays, and is generally pleasant to be around.

I talked to her beforehand and told her what I expected of her.  Sometimes
she's the only child there, since it's a small church, and sometimes there
are a few others.  I know that my friend has been baby-sitting for her two
young grandsons a lot lately, and maybe she was wanting a break, since they
do wear her out.  But her inability to say no to her own daughter shouldn't
be my problem, and I didn't inisist that she had to take Sarah, or that she
had any responsibilities to her or me once we got there.  I said we could
sit in different parts of the church so she could have the quiet time she
needed.  I'm thinking it was just the final straw for her, and maybe she
felt I made her look bad when I asked someone else for a ride.  But I didn't
want to leave Sarah out, and I didn't want to stay home.  Given the weather,
looking for a different ride was my only plausible option.  She said Sarah
doesn't always have to be included in everything.  That's true, but I think
only children do get taken along more often than not.  So anyway, thanks for
the reassurance.  I just hate confrontations, especially the nasty kind like
that.  Sarah didn't seem to be too worried about it.  She asked what was
wrong with my friend, and I told her the friend was having a bad day and not
feeling too well.  She said oh, and went on with her life.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message-----
From: Bernadetta
Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:11 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Jo Elizabeth,
I never faced that personally--that being said, I've only been a mom for
eight months so no garantees that that won't happen. It's happened to me
with my service animal though, but that's besides the point.
I wholeheartedly agree with what you did; No one other than yourself should
have a say whether to bring your child to a public function such as a church
gathering. Your friend did definitely step out of line.
Seems that she could have only suggested it, although that would have still
been crossing the line; But to get mad at you for not complying to her
request is ridiculous. You shouldn't change your mind about bringing your
child anywhere just because someone is doing you a favor of taking you
there.
I would understand if an event is going to occur and the event was for
adults only, and it was made clear by the host or the church, whatever it
may be that you are not to bring your child along. But if the service or
event is for anyone, and everyone is invited, why not bring your kid? I
understand your friend would have preferred to attend without the hassle of
having children around, and ideally a service or a gathering at church is
supposed to be a comfortable place for all who attend,  but who is she to
tell you who yu can and cannot bring? It's not as if she had the control of
making sure that no children attend, not just Sarah. I'm willing to bet she
didn't call the other two families who brought their children, just to tell
them to kindly leave their children behind. She thought that by doing you a
favor, she was going to get a favor out of you. Unfortunately her version of
a favor wasn't fair to you. You were not out of line at all. I'm glad you
were able to find other transportation, and it's her own loss that she
wasn't there. Why should you feel bad? She was the one who chose not to come
for her own seemingly idiotic reasons. Your kid, from what you've posted
about her as long as I've been a part of this list, is not some terror;
She's not hurricane sarah, and people dont' have to brace themselves in her
presence. In fact, it seems she's a good kid, and so what if she makes a
little noise here and there. She's a living, breathing child.
In fact, I find your friend to be quite hypocritical; She's a church-going
woman, you'd think she'd embrace the fact that a parent was eager to bring
their offspring to church. Says something about her if she wanted to exclude
a child from an activity meant for everyone, just so she can benefit from it
with a little less chaos.
Don't lose any sleep over it; Let that crusty old friend of yours brood over
it instead; Over the fact that she tried to exercise unfair power over you
and your daughter. I wouldn't feel good about myself if I were her.
Bernadetta

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