[blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Mon Nov 12 03:44:31 UTC 2012

Thanks, Mark.  Unfortunately, my friend still didn't show up at church this 
morning.  I know I need to be the bigger person and call her, and I probably 
will, but right now I'm still struggling with the fact that she raised her 
voice to me, took the Lord's name in vain several times, and slammed down 
the phone.  It turns out she drove to the church, dropped off her food for 
the potluck, told the pastor her side of the story, and then went home. 
What she told the pastor was that she didn't absolutely refuse to bring me 
and my child, so it was inappropriate for me to find another ride, she just 
said she strongly preferred not to have my daughter along.  Which is sort of 
true, except that she told me many times that she preferred not to.  So 
anyway, I'm trying to be understanding of her situation, and most likely I 
will be--but not tonight.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Mark Feliz
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 6:44 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Hello Jo Elizabeth:

It seems after reading through your conversations that you recognize
that your friend has been having some time of it dealing with her
grandsons? I think the thought of one more kid to deal with kind of
blew her mind a little. I don't feel that this is a question of your
ability of dealing with your daughter as a blind mom, I think she
would have reacted the same way to any parent at that instant. I think
you should go to her and say something like you realize now she must
have been habving a vary sgtressful day and you did not mean to put
more upon her and that you are also sorry she chose not to come to
service. You might even mention that all the children there were well
behave, well, as mucvh as children are capable of. This will put her
reaction to the situation back into her court and perhaps she will
reflect and smile it away.

By the way, we have taken our kids to church from the time they were
infants. On the vary rare occasions that they got fussy and loud my
wife or I would take them outside and calm them down before returning
to service.

You know, you might also throw in that perhaps you could give her a
break and watch her grandsons for a few hours? Let her chew on that!

Mark Feliz

On 11/11/12, Veronica Smith <madison_tewe at spinn.net> wrote:
> I beg to differ, if you choose to include your daughter in everything you
> do, then it is your right.  Gab has gone with me almost every where I have
> ever gone and she has learned.  Peeps know if I am coming, then more than
> likely so is my daughter.  You're right, she doesn't have to, but I want
> her
> to.
> Hopefully you didn't tell your other driver, you wanted her because 
> someone
> wouldn't allow Sarah to come along, that  in my opinion, is between you 
> and
> your friend when it comes to driving issues.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
> Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:49 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>
> Sarah's a good kid.  Granted, she doesn't sit perfectly still, and now and
> then she whispers or giggles or drops a crayon, things like that.  But she
> sings a lot of the songs, and prays, and is generally pleasant to be
> around.
>
> I talked to her beforehand and told her what I expected of her.  Sometimes
> she's the only child there, since it's a small church, and sometimes there
> are a few others.  I know that my friend has been baby-sitting for her two
> young grandsons a lot lately, and maybe she was wanting a break, since 
> they
> do wear her out.  But her inability to say no to her own daughter 
> shouldn't
> be my problem, and I didn't inisist that she had to take Sarah, or that 
> she
> had any responsibilities to her or me once we got there.  I said we could
> sit in different parts of the church so she could have the quiet time she
> needed.  I'm thinking it was just the final straw for her, and maybe she
> felt I made her look bad when I asked someone else for a ride.  But I
> didn't
> want to leave Sarah out, and I didn't want to stay home.  Given the
> weather,
> looking for a different ride was my only plausible option.  She said Sarah
> doesn't always have to be included in everything.  That's true, but I 
> think
> only children do get taken along more often than not.  So anyway, thanks
> for
> the reassurance.  I just hate confrontations, especially the nasty kind
> like
> that.  Sarah didn't seem to be too worried about it.  She asked what was
> wrong with my friend, and I told her the friend was having a bad day and
> not
> feeling too well.  She said oh, and went on with her life.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bernadetta
> Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:11 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>
> Jo Elizabeth,
> I never faced that personally--that being said, I've only been a mom for
> eight months so no garantees that that won't happen. It's happened to me
> with my service animal though, but that's besides the point.
> I wholeheartedly agree with what you did; No one other than yourself 
> should
> have a say whether to bring your child to a public function such as a
> church
> gathering. Your friend did definitely step out of line.
> Seems that she could have only suggested it, although that would have 
> still
> been crossing the line; But to get mad at you for not complying to her
> request is ridiculous. You shouldn't change your mind about bringing your
> child anywhere just because someone is doing you a favor of taking you
> there.
> I would understand if an event is going to occur and the event was for
> adults only, and it was made clear by the host or the church, whatever it
> may be that you are not to bring your child along. But if the service or
> event is for anyone, and everyone is invited, why not bring your kid? I
> understand your friend would have preferred to attend without the hassle 
> of
> having children around, and ideally a service or a gathering at church is
> supposed to be a comfortable place for all who attend,  but who is she to
> tell you who yu can and cannot bring? It's not as if she had the control 
> of
> making sure that no children attend, not just Sarah. I'm willing to bet 
> she
> didn't call the other two families who brought their children, just to 
> tell
> them to kindly leave their children behind. She thought that by doing you 
> a
> favor, she was going to get a favor out of you. Unfortunately her version
> of
> a favor wasn't fair to you. You were not out of line at all. I'm glad you
> were able to find other transportation, and it's her own loss that she
> wasn't there. Why should you feel bad? She was the one who chose not to
> come
> for her own seemingly idiotic reasons. Your kid, from what you've posted
> about her as long as I've been a part of this list, is not some terror;
> She's not hurricane sarah, and people dont' have to brace themselves in 
> her
> presence. In fact, it seems she's a good kid, and so what if she makes a
> little noise here and there. She's a living, breathing child.
> In fact, I find your friend to be quite hypocritical; She's a church-going
> woman, you'd think she'd embrace the fact that a parent was eager to bring
> their offspring to church. Says something about her if she wanted to
> exclude
> a child from an activity meant for everyone, just so she can benefit from
> it
> with a little less chaos.
> Don't lose any sleep over it; Let that crusty old friend of yours brood
> over
> it instead; Over the fact that she tried to exercise unfair power over you
> and your daughter. I wouldn't feel good about myself if I were her.
> Bernadetta
>
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