[blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Mon Nov 12 13:57:50 UTC 2012

I would not call her you did nothing wrong sounds to me she is not a true 
friend.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 9:44 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?


> Thanks, Mark.  Unfortunately, my friend still didn't show up at church 
> this morning.  I know I need to be the bigger person and call her, and I 
> probably will, but right now I'm still struggling with the fact that she 
> raised her voice to me, took the Lord's name in vain several times, and 
> slammed down the phone.  It turns out she drove to the church, dropped off 
> her food for the potluck, told the pastor her side of the story, and then 
> went home. What she told the pastor was that she didn't absolutely refuse 
> to bring me and my child, so it was inappropriate for me to find another 
> ride, she just said she strongly preferred not to have my daughter along. 
> Which is sort of true, except that she told me many times that she 
> preferred not to.  So anyway, I'm trying to be understanding of her 
> situation, and most likely I will be--but not tonight.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Mark Feliz
> Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 6:44 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>
> Hello Jo Elizabeth:
>
> It seems after reading through your conversations that you recognize
> that your friend has been having some time of it dealing with her
> grandsons? I think the thought of one more kid to deal with kind of
> blew her mind a little. I don't feel that this is a question of your
> ability of dealing with your daughter as a blind mom, I think she
> would have reacted the same way to any parent at that instant. I think
> you should go to her and say something like you realize now she must
> have been habving a vary sgtressful day and you did not mean to put
> more upon her and that you are also sorry she chose not to come to
> service. You might even mention that all the children there were well
> behave, well, as mucvh as children are capable of. This will put her
> reaction to the situation back into her court and perhaps she will
> reflect and smile it away.
>
> By the way, we have taken our kids to church from the time they were
> infants. On the vary rare occasions that they got fussy and loud my
> wife or I would take them outside and calm them down before returning
> to service.
>
> You know, you might also throw in that perhaps you could give her a
> break and watch her grandsons for a few hours? Let her chew on that!
>
> Mark Feliz
>
> On 11/11/12, Veronica Smith <madison_tewe at spinn.net> wrote:
>> I beg to differ, if you choose to include your daughter in everything you
>> do, then it is your right.  Gab has gone with me almost every where I 
>> have
>> ever gone and she has learned.  Peeps know if I am coming, then more than
>> likely so is my daughter.  You're right, she doesn't have to, but I want
>> her
>> to.
>> Hopefully you didn't tell your other driver, you wanted her because 
>> someone
>> wouldn't allow Sarah to come along, that  in my opinion, is between you 
>> and
>> your friend when it comes to driving issues.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
>> Elizabeth Pinto
>> Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:49 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>>
>> Sarah's a good kid.  Granted, she doesn't sit perfectly still, and now 
>> and
>> then she whispers or giggles or drops a crayon, things like that.  But 
>> she
>> sings a lot of the songs, and prays, and is generally pleasant to be
>> around.
>>
>> I talked to her beforehand and told her what I expected of her. 
>> Sometimes
>> she's the only child there, since it's a small church, and sometimes 
>> there
>> are a few others.  I know that my friend has been baby-sitting for her 
>> two
>> young grandsons a lot lately, and maybe she was wanting a break, since 
>> they
>> do wear her out.  But her inability to say no to her own daughter 
>> shouldn't
>> be my problem, and I didn't inisist that she had to take Sarah, or that 
>> she
>> had any responsibilities to her or me once we got there.  I said we could
>> sit in different parts of the church so she could have the quiet time she
>> needed.  I'm thinking it was just the final straw for her, and maybe she
>> felt I made her look bad when I asked someone else for a ride.  But I
>> didn't
>> want to leave Sarah out, and I didn't want to stay home.  Given the
>> weather,
>> looking for a different ride was my only plausible option.  She said 
>> Sarah
>> doesn't always have to be included in everything.  That's true, but I 
>> think
>> only children do get taken along more often than not.  So anyway, thanks
>> for
>> the reassurance.  I just hate confrontations, especially the nasty kind
>> like
>> that.  Sarah didn't seem to be too worried about it.  She asked what was
>> wrong with my friend, and I told her the friend was having a bad day and
>> not
>> feeling too well.  She said oh, and went on with her life.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you 
>> may
>> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
>> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Bernadetta
>> Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:11 PM
>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth,
>> I never faced that personally--that being said, I've only been a mom for
>> eight months so no garantees that that won't happen. It's happened to me
>> with my service animal though, but that's besides the point.
>> I wholeheartedly agree with what you did; No one other than yourself 
>> should
>> have a say whether to bring your child to a public function such as a
>> church
>> gathering. Your friend did definitely step out of line.
>> Seems that she could have only suggested it, although that would have 
>> still
>> been crossing the line; But to get mad at you for not complying to her
>> request is ridiculous. You shouldn't change your mind about bringing your
>> child anywhere just because someone is doing you a favor of taking you
>> there.
>> I would understand if an event is going to occur and the event was for
>> adults only, and it was made clear by the host or the church, whatever it
>> may be that you are not to bring your child along. But if the service or
>> event is for anyone, and everyone is invited, why not bring your kid? I
>> understand your friend would have preferred to attend without the hassle 
>> of
>> having children around, and ideally a service or a gathering at church is
>> supposed to be a comfortable place for all who attend,  but who is she to
>> tell you who yu can and cannot bring? It's not as if she had the control 
>> of
>> making sure that no children attend, not just Sarah. I'm willing to bet 
>> she
>> didn't call the other two families who brought their children, just to 
>> tell
>> them to kindly leave their children behind. She thought that by doing you 
>> a
>> favor, she was going to get a favor out of you. Unfortunately her version
>> of
>> a favor wasn't fair to you. You were not out of line at all. I'm glad you
>> were able to find other transportation, and it's her own loss that she
>> wasn't there. Why should you feel bad? She was the one who chose not to
>> come
>> for her own seemingly idiotic reasons. Your kid, from what you've posted
>> about her as long as I've been a part of this list, is not some terror;
>> She's not hurricane sarah, and people dont' have to brace themselves in 
>> her
>> presence. In fact, it seems she's a good kid, and so what if she makes a
>> little noise here and there. She's a living, breathing child.
>> In fact, I find your friend to be quite hypocritical; She's a 
>> church-going
>> woman, you'd think she'd embrace the fact that a parent was eager to 
>> bring
>> their offspring to church. Says something about her if she wanted to
>> exclude
>> a child from an activity meant for everyone, just so she can benefit from
>> it
>> with a little less chaos.
>> Don't lose any sleep over it; Let that crusty old friend of yours brood
>> over
>> it instead; Over the fact that she tried to exercise unfair power over 
>> you
>> and your daughter. I wouldn't feel good about myself if I were her.
>> Bernadetta
>>
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>
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