[blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Mon Nov 12 16:11:51 UTC 2012

I like what Rebecca has to say here. We all say or do things occasionally
that we later regret and sometimes just need our friends to understand.

Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Pickrell,
Rebecca M (TASC)
Sent: Monday, November 12, 2012 7:22 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Well then if she's acting out of character you do want to try to talk with
her. Tell her that screaming at you is never acceptable.
Tell her that her wanting you to leave Sarah with her dad is out of line,
she could have always said no to the ride.
Don't give her a pass on the behavior but if this is out of character then
you do want to talk to her.
Treat this like you do Sarah, "I will not allow you to treat me in the
manner you just did, you need to ralize what you did was unacceptable". Let
her talk, but do not accept excuses or allow her to shift responsibility for
her behavior. This is exactly like what you do with Sarah.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 11:41 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

She's always seemed to really love my daughter, which is what's so troubling
about the whole thing.  She's always saying how smart and sweet Sarah is,
how advanced she is for her age, and the like.  I think Mark is right, she
just has been baby-sitting her grandsons a lot and she wanted a peaceful
experience last night.  But she would have gotten one if she had driven us
there and then found a quiet place to sit, so I just don't get this.  I
suppose I'll have to get in touch with her and talk it out, but I'm having a
hard time gathering up the graciousness to do it.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message-----
From: Erin Rumer
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 8:54 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

This woman needs prayer more than anything and it's not you at all but some
issues she's got to work-out.  She's acting like a little child to run into
the church and look to the pastor to rant and gossip to.  Saying the Lord's
name in vain just tops it off!  This is not Christian behavior at all.  Does
she have something against your daughter?  She really seems to be having
some powerful reactions to all of this.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 7:45 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Thanks, Mark.  Unfortunately, my friend still didn't show up at church this
morning.  I know I need to be the bigger person and call her, and I probably
will, but right now I'm still struggling with the fact that she raised her
voice to me, took the Lord's name in vain several times, and slammed down
the phone.  It turns out she drove to the church, dropped off her food for
the potluck, told the pastor her side of the story, and then went home.
What she told the pastor was that she didn't absolutely refuse to bring me
and my child, so it was inappropriate for me to find another ride, she just
said she strongly preferred not to have my daughter along.  Which is sort of
true, except that she told me many times that she preferred not to.  So
anyway, I'm trying to be understanding of her situation, and most likely I
will be--but not tonight.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message-----
From: Mark Feliz
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2012 6:44 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?

Hello Jo Elizabeth:

It seems after reading through your conversations that you recognize that
your friend has been having some time of it dealing with her grandsons? I
think the thought of one more kid to deal with kind of blew her mind a
little. I don't feel that this is a question of your ability of dealing with
your daughter as a blind mom, I think she would have reacted the same way to
any parent at that instant. I think you should go to her and say something
like you realize now she must have been habving a vary sgtressful day and
you did not mean to put more upon her and that you are also sorry she chose
not to come to service. You might even mention that all the children there
were well behave, well, as mucvh as children are capable of. This will put
her reaction to the situation back into her court and perhaps she will
reflect and smile it away.

By the way, we have taken our kids to church from the time they were
infants. On the vary rare occasions that they got fussy and loud my wife or
I would take them outside and calm them down before returning to service.

You know, you might also throw in that perhaps you could give her a break
and watch her grandsons for a few hours? Let her chew on that!

Mark Feliz

On 11/11/12, Veronica Smith <madison_tewe at spinn.net> wrote:
> I beg to differ, if you choose to include your daughter in everything
> you do, then it is your right.  Gab has gone with me almost every
> where I have ever gone and she has learned.  Peeps know if I am
> coming, then more than likely so is my daughter.  You're right, she
> doesn't have to, but I want her to.
> Hopefully you didn't tell your other driver, you wanted her because
> someone wouldn't allow Sarah to come along, that  in my opinion, is
> between you and your friend when it comes to driving issues.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
> Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:49 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>
> Sarah's a good kid.  Granted, she doesn't sit perfectly still, and now
> and then she whispers or giggles or drops a crayon, things like that.
> But she sings a lot of the songs, and prays, and is generally pleasant
> to be around.
>
> I talked to her beforehand and told her what I expected of her.
> Sometimes she's the only child there, since it's a small church, and
> sometimes there are a few others.  I know that my friend has been
> baby-sitting for her two young grandsons a lot lately, and maybe she
> was wanting a break, since they do wear her out.  But her inability to
> say no to her own daughter shouldn't be my problem, and I didn't
> inisist that she had to take Sarah, or that she had any
> responsibilities to her or me once we got there.  I said we could sit
> in different parts of the church so she could have the quiet time she
> needed.  I'm thinking it was just the final straw for her, and maybe
> she felt I made her look bad when I asked someone else for a ride.
> But I didn't want to leave Sarah out, and I didn't want to stay home.
> Given the weather, looking for a different ride was my only plausible
> option.  She said Sarah doesn't always have to be included in
> everything.  That's true, but I think only children do get taken along
> more often than not.  So anyway, thanks for the reassurance.  I just
> hate confrontations, especially the nasty kind like that.  Sarah
> didn't seem to be too worried about it.  She asked what was wrong with
> my friend, and I told her the friend was having a bad day and not
> feeling too well.  She said oh, and went on with her life.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you
> may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and
> full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bernadetta
> Sent: Saturday, November 10, 2012 9:11 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: Re: [blparent] What's the right thing to do?
>
> Jo Elizabeth,
> I never faced that personally--that being said, I've only been a mom
> for eight months so no garantees that that won't happen. It's happened
> to me with my service animal though, but that's besides the point.
> I wholeheartedly agree with what you did; No one other than yourself
> should have a say whether to bring your child to a public function
> such as a church gathering. Your friend did definitely step out of
> line.
> Seems that she could have only suggested it, although that would have
> still been crossing the line; But to get mad at you for not complying
> to her request is ridiculous. You shouldn't change your mind about
> bringing your child anywhere just because someone is doing you a favor
> of taking you there.
> I would understand if an event is going to occur and the event was for
> adults only, and it was made clear by the host or the church, whatever
> it may be that you are not to bring your child along. But if the
> service or event is for anyone, and everyone is invited, why not bring
> your kid? I understand your friend would have preferred to attend
> without the hassle of having children around, and ideally a service or
> a gathering at church is supposed to be a comfortable place for all
> who attend,  but who is she to tell you who yu can and cannot bring?
> It's not as if she had the control of making sure that no children
> attend, not just Sarah. I'm willing to bet she didn't call the other
> two families who brought their children, just to tell them to kindly
> leave their children behind. She thought that by doing you a favor,
> she was going to get a favor out of you. Unfortunately her version of
> a favor wasn't fair to you. You were not out of line at all. I'm glad
> you were able to find other transportation, and it's her own loss that
> she wasn't there. Why should you feel bad? She was the one who chose
> not to come for her own seemingly idiotic reasons. Your kid, from what
> you've posted about her as long as I've been a part of this list, is
> not some terror; She's not hurricane sarah, and people dont' have to
> brace themselves in her presence. In fact, it seems she's a good kid,
> and so what if she makes a little noise here and there. She's a
> living, breathing child.
> In fact, I find your friend to be quite hypocritical; She's a
> church-going woman, you'd think she'd embrace the fact that a parent
> was eager to bring their offspring to church. Says something about her
> if she wanted to exclude a child from an activity meant for everyone,
> just so she can benefit from it with a little less chaos.
> Don't lose any sleep over it; Let that crusty old friend of yours
> brood over it instead; Over the fact that she tried to exercise unfair
> power over you and your daughter. I wouldn't feel good about myself if
> I were her.
> Bernadetta
>
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