[blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child

Mon Oct 22 20:40:07 UTC 2012

Hi Jennifer,
My son is totally blind, and also has a learning disability called ACC 
which stands for Agenesis Of The Corpus Calosum.
That means he was born without the tissue that connects each side of the 
brain. He has trouble processing things and needs to have repetitiveness 
and routine. He's 13 and in 8th Grade. He doesn't understand what's 
going on right now.
My attorney is a regular family law attorney. I would like to get some 
help from an Nfb attorney that is familiar with the laws and cases for 
custody, and who can help me fight for custody of my son.
Virginia

On 10/22/2012 6:48 AM, Jennifer Jackson wrote:
> Am I remembering correctly that the child in this case is 13 years old? What
> kind of learning disability are we talking about here? I am just wondering
> how much weight this argument can really hold for a 13 year old because a
> child with typical development should not need actual help with getting
> ready for bed or dressing himself for school. My kids all have a variety of
> so called special needs and learning disabilities, so please know this is an
> honest question and not any kind of disguised criticism.
>
> I also think your attorney needs to do some consulting with some of the
> attorneys from NFB who are familiar with this kind of case. Her refusing to
> address the disability issue is a form of discrimination of its' own and may
> be actionable. Where did you find this attorney? If she is with a law firm
> or some other agency then I think it is appropriate to make a formal
> complaint with her agency, perhaps also to the bar association. I do
> understand if you are not up to dealing with that while in the midst of your
> own family crises. I do think it would be a good idea to ask for someone
> else from the firm or agency to represent you and o decline to pay her for
> not representing you. Only a moron would not realize that disability issues
> were a possibility in this case right from the beginning and she should have
> considered that before taking the case.
>
>
>
> Jennifer
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
> Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Monday, October 22, 2012 11:52 AM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child
>
> I would also say, be honest with yourself.  Are there things you need to
> learn how to do so you can take care of your son?  Are there things your
> husband has been doing up till now that you could learn?  I'm saying this
> because it's easy to fall back on the truth that a blind parent is just as
> capable as a sighted parent without asking the hard questions about your
> individual situation.  Everyone has different sets of skills, different
> things they're good at and things they need to work on.  If you don't get
> realistic with yourself in figuring out what your weaknesses might be, you
> can bet your ex will be getting realistic about those weaknesses when he
> makes his case against you.  Please know I'm not saying you aren't capable,
> or that it's right for someone to use blindness against his ex wife in
> fighting for custody, but, especially if he wants to be vindictive, he can
> say "she doesn't do x, y, or z" when he talks to the judge.  For example, I
> typically cook the meals in my household, while my boyfriend usually does
> the laundry.  If we were ever fighting for custody, and he told the judge I
> never did laundry, I would need to counter with the fact that I can mark the
>
> machine in braille, label the colors of clothes, etc.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
> Sent: Monday, October 22, 2012 8:49 AM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child
>
> If your lawyer isn't helping you, you need another lawyer. He/she should be
> looking out for you. It almost sounds likee he/she is using "I am not a
> disability rights lawyer" as an excuse.
>
> This is like any other service, if you aren't getting your needs met, find
> one who will.
>
> A mediator probably isn't a good idea as by deffinition, you aand your ex
> have to get along to make th eprocess work. It doesn't sound like that's
> happening here.
> Deffinately don't allow him to kick you out of the home or keep you away
> from your son.
> You two seem to have a very rigid division of labor. I wonder why he always
> does wakeups and bed-time and you always help with homework? Your ex doesn't
>
> need to know Braille to do homework duty.
> My daughter is sighted. I have no clue what printed letters look like. I can
>
> most deffinately help with homework. I can instill that school matters.  I
> can help with spelling.  I can show her tools so she can figure out the
> answers she needs.  I've shown her letters on the computer when she can't
> remember what a w looks like.
> I do wonder why you two have such a lock on the tasks you assist your son
> with. If you can resolve that both of you are capable parents this will be
> easier for everybody. You don't have to like each other to do this.
> Realize that you are as much an equal as your ex is. He's not the decider
> for anything.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jasmine
> Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 4:16 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child
>
> Hi Jeri,
> Yes, my son Kristopyher is totally blind also. Yeah, my ex husband and
> his parent's are trying to fight for custody of him and trying to take
> my home away and leave me without a place to live. He's using the fact
> that he does things for my son against me making it look like I can't do
> those same things for him.
> Virginia
> On 10/20/2012 12:23 PM, Jeri Milton wrote:
>>        Hi Virginia. Wow, that's ridiculous. This is coming from a man that
>> you shared your life with? So, he knows you are totally capable, he's just
>> trying to use your blindness against you. Is your son totally blind? You
>> are
>> the one who would be the best teacher for him. At least that's my opinion
>> anyway. I do wish you luck and I think you've come to a great place for
>> advice. People on this list probably can give you some great resources.
>> I'll
>> be thinking of you.
>>
>> Jeri
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jasmine
>> Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 1:23 AM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child
>>
>> Hi Jeri,
>> Yes, they are trying to use my blindness as if it would be a bad thing for
>> me to have my son. His father put in his response that he only wants me to
>> have him in the afternoons after school because I'm the one that helps him
>> with his homework since I know Braille.
>> He is stating that he wants him at night because he gets him ready for
>> school and ready for bed.
>> He doesn't believe that Ican do it by myself, but i'm capable of doing all
>> that.
>> He wants primary custody of him.
>> Virginia
>> On 10/19/2012 9:12 PM, Jeri Milton wrote:
>>> Hi Virginia. I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you. Are they
>>> trying to use your blindness as if it would be a bad thing for you to
>>> have your son? I'm no expert that's for sure, but I would think they
>>> don't have a leg to stand on if that's what they're trying for. I have
>>> my 8 year old niece and my brother temporarily living with me. When my
>>> brother was fighting for custedy of her, her mother, who I had known
>>> for years and years tried to use my blindness as a tool against my
>>> brother. She wrote a letter to the courts stating that her daughter
>>> would be living with her Aunt who had a serious disability and
>>> therefore she was afraid for her safety. I was completely dumb founded
>>> and rather P.O.d! Then, I had to laugh because the courts didn't even
>>> bat an eye at her statements of concern. People amaze me sometimes.
>>> Sometimes they'll stop at nothing. I knew this woman for at least
>>> twenty years and even considered her a friend during my brothers time
>>> with
>> her. I even watched her other kids! Jeesh! Good luck to you.
>>> Jeri
>>>
>>> Jeri
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
>>> Jasmine
>>> Sent: Friday, October 19, 2012 10:20 AM
>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>> Subject: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child
>>>
>>> Hi Everyone,
>>> My name is Virginia and I'm a blind mother in California of a 13 year
>>> old boy who is also blind and learning disabled. I'm currently going
>>> through a divorce, and my ex husband and his parent's are trying to
>>> fight for primary custody of my son. Are there any laws or rights that
>>> I can show them for disabled parent's? Is there anyone who can help me
>>> fight for my rights? I've heard that the Nfb fights for custody cases
>>> like this, so I was wondering if anyone in the Nfb can help me out? I
>>> already have a lawyer to represent me, but she doesn't specialize in
>> disability rights for blind parents rights.
>>> Thanks!
>>> Virginia
>>>
>>>
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