[blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

Fri Oct 26 04:29:13 UTC 2012

	I like her! I love it when people back pedal after saying something
that they no nothing about. Unfortunately, I have a mother in-law who had
some things like that to say about me. Even though my husband pointed out
things to her such as the teen age girl did, she still does it. I don't
really chat much with her, because she makes me very uncomfortable. Then, it
just became worse when we got pregnant the second time. Can you just imagine
what she had to say when my daughter was born with the same eye disease as
myself. So, it makes me smile when I hear a young person pointing out these
differences. 

Jeri

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Thursday, October 25, 2012 3:48 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

Bernadetta, you bring up some interesting points.  I have some friends with
a teenage daughter who has baby-sat for my little girl since she was a
newborn.  She told me one day that she mentioned baby-sitting for a blind
mom to another mother she knew.  The mother had a knee jerk reaction and
said, "Oh, a blind mom.  That's just not fair to the child."  I was so
proud--my teenage baby-sitter took that other mom to task.  She said that my
daughter's verbal skills were more advanced than those of other children
she'd cared for because pointing and whining didn't work with me.  She told
the woman how my daughter would always answer when called because I had
taught her that was an unbreakable rule.  She told her that I was outside in
the sandbox with my child, or on the swings, or walking and touching leaves
and pine cones, instead of just glancing out the window once in a while as
the kid entertained herself.  Then she said, "So, how is it not fair for the
child to have a blind mom?"  And it left the woman sputtering.  She finally
said, "I guess I misjudged the situation.  I didn't really know what I was
talking about."

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message-----
From: Bernadetta
Sent: Thursday, October 25, 2012 4:23 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

Jen,
I'd try to look at my glass as half full instead of half empty if I were
you.
Dont feel bad that your three-year-old gets into glue, water, etc., because
sighted parents and caretakers often contend with exactly the same thing, if
not more. When my cousin was just a baby who had learned how to crawl, my
grandmother was watching her; One day in the middle of summer, my
grandmother figured it would be ok to open her front and back doors to let
in some fresh air. She had storm doors which she kept closed, so she felt
the baby was safe. Well, low and behold, one of my uncles was fixing his car
in her front lawn, and at one point he rushed into the house to quickly wash
his hands. My baby cousin chose that moment  to crawl out onto the front
porch, because he neglected to close the storm door. No one noticed;
Everyone thought the baby was safe until a policeman happened to pass by and
casually braught the baby back to my grandmother, warning her to keep a
closer eye on her.
Now, keep in mind my grandmother was fully sighted, she was in her fifties
at the time--so not old, and she had successfully raised ten children prior
to caring for my little cousin. So mishaps happen...Some big and some small.
In the grand scheme of things, a three year old geting into glue or water
when she's not supposed to is minor and not unusual. If you're bothered by
it, be sure to lock the tempting supplies up high somewhere, and out of her
reach.
As for the media that today's kids are exposed to, don't feel bad that you
cant' fully participate with your kids when it comes to that.
Personally, I think some of the toys and computer games kids seem to have to
have these days is overrated. Think about it: Every kid today has at least
one leapfrog toy. Every kid has to have his favorite TV shows and DVD's. But
here's a chance for you to go back to basics. Why not engage your kids with
more tacktile toys, such as wooden puzzles and blocks for example. Even
though it seems no one can live without the electronic toys these days,
studies show that the tacktile toys may actually be beneficial. And tactile
toys are fully accessible to you as a blind person. I'm not saying that
electronic games should be prohibited, but you as the blind mom and
caretaker can have something even more special with your kids, if you engage
them with toys that they rarely play with around other people.
As for visual circumstances, there's no need to feel bad that you're
depriving your kids of the proper experience since you can't see things. On
the contrary, if you teach your kids early on that mom's eyes don't work, so
please describe what you're seeing, you're kids will grow up learning a few
rare and exceptional skills. They'll learn to verbalize what they see,
something that many sighted people have trouble with. How many sighted
people struggle with giving directions, for example. How many people say
"over there" or "I can't describe this to you". Describing something to a
blind person forces a kid to think, to be creative and verbal. Also, your
kids will feel like they're helping you, so they'll feel like their
contributing to your family unit somehow. That's a very useful asset, to
make your kids feel like they contribute by helping. too many kids are
indulged by their parents, they're taught that as children they need only to
be entertained and to be given anything that they're heart desires. A kid
grows up with an enormous sense of self-worth if he or she is taught early
on that he can help his mom or dad in some unique way.
So don't feel bad that you have to parent while being blind, because by
being a blind parent you're inadvertently giving your kids a unique and
perhaps exceptional upbringing. At the very least, you know you're bringing
up children who won't gawk at a disabled person and  be at a loss as to how
to act around them. Just eep in mind the grand scheme of things--all of us
have bad days, and all of us get tired and frustrated. That's one of the
wonderful  side affects of being a parent. lol

Bernadetta

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