[blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

Sun Oct 28 17:05:47 UTC 2012

Hi Jen,

We have three children aged one year apart—yes, that put us through
the ringer. Although my wife is sighted she often worked evenings,
nights, and days during the summer months when I was off from
teaching. I can’t tell you any absolute way of handling your situation
other than practice and time. When you’re focused on your six month
old you can spot check your three year old every set interval by
verbally asking her what she is doing or where she is. Yes, she may
eventually catch on and try to trick you by a little white lie but
parental discipline will fix that. As my kids became older and I would
take them roller or ice skating, bowling, swimming… the rule was that
they must check in with me every five to ten minutes, depending on
where we were. For example, when swimming, they would swim up to the
edge where the bench was where I sat and give me a shout out. If they
failed to do so they were benched for a time. I do not know if your
three year old has nap time but if she does that might be the time for
a one-on-one with your six month old. Then you can get your three year
old involved with activities involving all three of you at other
times.

It really is a matter of training your mind and ear to unconsciously
pay attention to other things while with your six month old. Learn to
recognize your three year old finding a way to get hold of a glass, or
the sound of her getting into the glue and art supplies. If you can do
this then she will forever assume that you know it all and see all.

Do not stress over this, parenting is the best and enjoy those kids.

Mark Feliz

On 10/27/12, Veronica Smith <madison_tewe at spinn.net> wrote:
> I agree!
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Robert
> Shelton
> Sent: Friday, October 26, 2012 9:10 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party
>
> I have enjoyed reading the posts on this topic.  There is great wisdom,
> insight and courage to be had here, and it was shared today.Good job
> everyone -- that's why lists like this exist.
>
> Good night and good luck.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Steve Jacobson [mailto:steve.jacobson at visi.com]
> Sent: Friday, October 26, 2012 8:43 AM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party
>
> Jennifer,
>
> I would guess that most of us have felt as you do from time to time.  That
> which helps one of us may not help another of us.  There are techniques to
> deal with a number of these things that you likely already know, so I won't
> go into all that here.  I will only say that what helps me is to realize
> that all parents, blind or sighted, really share some of these same
> feelings
> but over different things.  The low=-income parent who is continually being
> reminded of the nicer clothes and fancier toys that other kids have is
> going
> to wish they could afford more.  The parent who can't help much with
> homework because they struggled in school is going to wish they could be of
> more help.  There is a whole long list of things that we as parents wish we
> were that we are not so we could do more for our kids.
>
> My kids are teenagers now and there is a pretty good chance they're going
> to
> make it.  What I see now that I couldn't necessarily see along the way is
> that they did learn what they needed to, and some of what they learned was
> without my help because I couldn't be of much help as a blind parent, and
> sometimes because of who I am without regard to blindness.  However, they
> have other memories of ways I helped them along the way that I didn't
> necessarily even realize at the time.
>
> You have a lot in common with all of us here as a blind parent, and we can
> try to be of help when times are tough.  However, at least some of what you
> are feeling is not really because you are a blind parent even though the
> specifics are related to blindness, it is what we all feel as parents.
> There is skill to being a parent, but there is a lot of luck and a lot of
> wishing and hoping, and that is true of all parents.  Realizing this helped
> me through hard times, and I hope it helps you.  If there is more that can
> be said to address more specific problems, I'm sure many of us can try to
> help, but I'm guessing you have a handle on the specifics.  The fact you
> are
> feeling and thinking some of these things means you are a caring parent and
> that will take you a long way.
>
> Best regards,
>
> Steve Jacobson
>
> On Thu, 25 Oct 2012 15:22:53 -0400, Jennifer Bose wrote:
>
>>Hi, parents.
>
>>Overall, I tend to think of blindness as just inconvenient. But
>>sometimes, blindness and parenthood together get me started on thinking
>>of blindness as a real pain. I guess there are always issues that will
>>present challenges for anyone, and mine aren't all that big, I realize.
>>But here they are:
>
>>My two daughters are three years old and six months old. While I'm
>>paying attention to my baby and I'm alone with both of them, I find it
>>tough to track what my three-year-old is doing. If I'm well-rested,
>>this isn't such a big deal. But if I'm tired, it's more than
>>frustrating. She's very bright and independent and often surprises me
>>with all the things she can now do on her own. But there are times when
>>I'll discover that she's playing with water or glue in a place where
>>she shouldn't, and then I've thought to myself: Well, if I'd seen her
>>with that water glass, this never would have happened!
>
>>And then, there's this whole world of visual media that I wish I could
>>share with her. All the picture books, DVDs, coloring books--I feel
>>like they're off limits to me and that I miss out on all the fun she
>>has going through them with other people. Not that she should
>>necessarily learn everything from me, but she and I don't get to engage
>>each other through any of that.
>
>>Ugh! I'm making myself really depressed and a little nauseated here. I
>>guess this is when I should start being grateful for what I have.
>>Please, have any of you ever felt these frustrations? What do you say
>>to yourself, or what do you do, to get your positive attitude back?
>
>>Thanks for reading this rant. I know it will survive in cyberspace
>>forever. Oh, well ...
>
>>Good times. Starting to laugh already!
>>Jen
>
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