[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

[Peggy]

Your rules, your kid.  If it was grandma's rules that her children finish 
their food on their plate before getting anything else that's fine but this 
is your daughter and the way you're raising her ... it's your kid, let her 
have the cake.  And yes I understand this being blindness related because 
sometimes people do interfere where they're not wanted because we are blind 
... But she ate all her dinner, you said she could have another piece of 
cake, your decision to make, she's your daughter.



-----Original Message----- 
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 10:14 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

I know this may not sound blindness related, but it kind of is in a way 
because my daughter’s adopted Nanna tends to take over a lot instead of 
letting me be the mom.  She’s been there all of my daughter’s life, knitted 
her a blanket, kept her overnight, all the things a grandma loves to do.  I 
love her dearly.  But, frankly, she’s pushy.

There was a situation that happened today while we were at her house for a 
barbecue.  A bunch of us from church had contributed food.My daughter had 
eaten a fairly balanced meal, so I wasn’t worried about her nutrition.  When 
it came time for dessert, she chose to have a piece of carrot cake, which 
she promptly ate the frosting off of and then lost interest in.  Par for the 
course.  Then she asked Nanna for some lemon cake.  Lots of us were just 
having little smidges of each kind, so I was surprised when Nanna said no, 
there was still cake on her plate.  I could see it if she hadn’t eaten 
dinner first, but she had, so I thought that was ridiculous.  Trying to keep 
the mood light, I reached over and took the cake off my daughter’s dish, 
then said, “Okay, tell Nanna your plate’s clean.”  Nanna still refused to 
give her the lemon cake.  My daughter started to pitch a fit in true 
four-year-old fashion, screeching and waving her arms around.  Nanna told 
her to go sit on the stairs till she was ready to be fit company.  I said 
no, she’s my daughter and I’m in charge here.  Nanna told me, raising her 
voice, that we were in her house, so her rules came first.  I said I didn’t 
appreciate her yelling at me, and that if she wouldn’t serve my daughter a 
slice of lemon cake, I would do it myself.  I guess Nanna’s husband had 
gotten his fill by that time because he cut my daughter a slice of cake and 
gave it to her without saying anything.

I know that situation should ideally not have happened in front of my 
daughter, but it did.  I’m not looking for anybody to get on my case, but I’m 
interested in some answers from other blind parents.  Whose rules should 
have taken precedence?  Is there anything I can do about it now?

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
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