[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Mon Sep 3 14:59:09 UTC 2012

I think the respectful thing is for Grandma to follow the rules that a parent has, but I don't think it is really that simple.  Remember that Grandma usually thinks she knows more than her kids, blind or not.  There is 
politics everywhere, and sometimes political discretion needs to be taken when dealing with grandparents in my opinion.  This is definitely an issue that all parents have, not just blind ones, although certainly 
there are times when blindness may come into play.  It seems like a narrow minded position for the grandma to feel so strongly that she should be raising her voice, but I must also say that the idea that "When 
you are under my roof you live by my rules" is a very common idea from that generation.  There is a fine line between maintaining one's control and showing disrespect for grandparents in their own house from 
their perspective.  If things were only simple.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Sun, 2 Sep 2012 23:55:29 -0400, Angie Matney wrote:

>Actually, Gabe's text is at the bottom of the post. He said that grandma's 
>rules should apply.

>Sorry, no one but me gets to decide what my kid eats, unless I'm not around 
>and that person has responsibility for my child. It was very disrespectful 
>of this woman to try to interpose herself in the parent-child relationship.

>And I do think this is blindness-related, because people tend to infantilize 
>blind adults. I wonder if this woman would have done the same thing to a 
>sighted parent.

>As for what you can do now, you could calmly explain to her that you make 
>the rules for Sarah, and if she can respect that, then her informal 
>grandmother-type relationship can continue.

>Best of luck.

>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "Kate McEachern" <kflsouth at gmail.com>
>To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:37 PM
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

>> Gabe nothing is written here.
>> Katie
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Gabe Vega Via Iphone4S" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:31 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>
>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Gabe Vega
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>> (623) 565-9357
>>>
>>> On Sep 2, 2012, at 8:14 PM, "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> I know this may not sound blindness related, but it kind of is in a way 
>>>> because my daughterâ¬"s adopted Nanna tends to take over a lot instead of 
>>>> letting me be the mom.  Sheâ¬"s been there all of my daughterâ¬"s life, 
>>>> knitted her a blanket, kept her overnight, all the things a grandma 
>>>> loves to do.  I love her dearly.  But, frankly, sheâ¬"s pushy.
>>>>
>>>> There was a situation that happened today while we were at her house for 
>>>> a barbecue.  A bunch of us from church had contributed food.My daughter 
>>>> had eaten a fairly balanced meal, so I wasnâ¬"t worried about her 
>>>> nutrition.  When it came time for dessert, she chose to have a piece of 
>>>> carrot cake, which she promptly ate the frosting off of and then lost 
>>>> interest in.  Par for the course.  Then she asked Nanna for some lemon 
>>>> cake.  Lots of us were just having little smidges of each kind, so I was 
>>>> surprised when Nanna said no, there was still cake on her plate.  I 
>>>> could see it if she hadnâ¬"t eaten dinner first, but she had, so I thought 
>>>> that was ridiculous.  Trying to keep the mood light, I reached over and 
>>>> took the cake off my daughterâ¬"s dish, then said, â¬SOkay, tell Nanna your 
>>>> plateâ¬"s clean.â¬  Nanna still refused to give her the lemon cake.  My 
>>>> daughter started to pitch a fit in true four-year-old fashion, 
>>>> screeching and waving her arms around.  Nanna told her to go sit on the 
>>>> stairs till she was ready to be fit company.  I said no, sheâ¬"s my 
>>>> daughter and Iâ¬"m in charge here.  Nanna told me, raising her voice, that 
>>>> we were in her house, so her rules came first.  I said I didnâ¬"t 
>>>> appreciate her yelling at me, and that if she wouldnâ¬"t serve my daughter 
>>>> a slice of lemon cake, I would do it myself.  I guess Nannaâ¬"s husband 
>>>> had gotten his fill by that time because he cut my daughter a slice of 
>>>> cake and gave it to her without saying anything.
>>>>
>>>> I know that situation should ideally not have happened in front of my 
>>>> daughter, but it did.  Iâ¬"m not looking for anybody to get on my case, 
>>>> but Iâ¬"m interested in some answers from other blind parents.  Whose 
>>>> rules should have taken precedence?  Is there anything I can do about it 
>>>> now?
>>>>
>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>> I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of 
>>>> Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent 
>>>> have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>> Grandma's house, grandma's rules. Yes I know she's your daughter, and if 
>>>> this was another strangers house your rules would stand. But in a normal 
>>>> house, with a grandma parent relationship grandmas house trumps all. It 
>>>> is her house, her roles, sorry you feel that way. Now you may always 
>>>> choose never to return to grandmas house, if you don't like the way 
>>>> grandma runs her house. But again, that is up to you. But this situation 
>>>> is all about respect, her grandma issued her decree, and you chose to 
>>>> try and overcome per. This is very disrespectful no matter what culture 
>>>> you're in, this will not stand in my house, and my daughters grandma 
>>>> would always overcut me as a sign of respect. Right or wrong. So please, 
>>>> take it for what it is take your losses and make a decision, you either 
>>>> like the other situations you have been with grandma, and this is a 
>>>> small think you could get over. Or you could choose to not like it, her, 
>>>> or any future situation, and just never return to her house. Very 
>>>> simple, if you ask me.
>>>
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>>
>>
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