[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Mon Sep 3 16:18:11 UTC 2012

Dear List,

Please note that I am trying to deal with the exchange below and one further posting with the writers privately.  There is probably little more that needs to be said about this topic in general, but as the moderator, 
I did not consider it off topic.  The posts below, though, are examples of posts that really need to occur in private.  This list is not here for two people to sort out personal differences.  It goes without saying that 
terms like "blindies" or "blinks" serve no purpose except to stir things up and are better not used.  There has been a lot of good discussion on this topic, but one determining factor is what people see as the 
role of grandma.  In some families, grandma has the overall leadership responsibility of the family and is the supreme authority.  In other families, grandma is and equal participant with no extra authority.  We can 
advise, but we can't say for sure what is right in a given family.  If it is clear that a parent is singled out because of being blind, though, that is an issue that needs to be resolved.  I do not think that is always 
easy to tell, though.  

While I'm not saying that no more should be said, let's try not to restate what has already been stated.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Sun, 2 Sep 2012 22:30:31 -0600, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:

>Now, stop!  I asked a question; I spoke to you respectfully and told you I 
>would consider your opinion.  There's no reason to call me names, or to put 
>down me or anybody else who uses this list.  That's uncalled for.  I cower 
>from nothing.  Please, just lay off.  You've said your peace, thank you.

>Jo Elizabeth

>I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
>brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
>died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
>-----Original Message----- 
>From: Gabe Vega Via Iphone4S
>Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 10:11 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

>grandmas house, grandmas rules. dont like it, dont go back. simple as that. 
>and its still off topic. and blindies only get mistreated if they allow it. 
>its funny how joe thinks she is a big barny tough girl on list, but in real 
>life, she just like the rest who use this act. and cowars from confrontation 
>because it on an email list and partially annonymous. :-)

>Gabe Vega
>Sent from my iPhone
>(623) 565-9357

>On Sep 2, 2012, at 8:55 PM, "Angie Matney" <angie.matney at gmail.com> wrote:

>> Actually, Gabe's text is at the bottom of the post. He said that grandma's 
>> rules should apply.
>>
>> Sorry, no one but me gets to decide what my kid eats, unless I'm not 
>> around and that person has responsibility for my child. It was very 
>> disrespectful of this woman to try to interpose herself in the 
>> parent-child relationship.
>>
>> And I do think this is blindness-related, because people tend to 
>> infantilize blind adults. I wonder if this woman would have done the same 
>> thing to a sighted parent.
>>
>> As for what you can do now, you could calmly explain to her that you make 
>> the rules for Sarah, and if she can respect that, then her informal 
>> grandmother-type relationship can continue.
>>
>> Best of luck.
>>
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Kate McEachern" <kflsouth at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:37 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>
>>
>>> Gabe nothing is written here.
>>> Katie
>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Gabe Vega Via Iphone4S" 
>>> <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:31 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Gabe Vega
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>> (623) 565-9357
>>>>
>>>> On Sep 2, 2012, at 8:14 PM, "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com> 
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I know this may not sound blindness related, but it kind of is in a way 
>>>>> because my daughterâ¬"s adopted Nanna tends to take over a lot instead of 
>>>>> letting me be the mom.  Sheâ¬"s been there all of my daughterâ¬"s life, 
>>>>> knitted her a blanket, kept her overnight, all the things a grandma 
>>>>> loves to do.  I love her dearly.  But, frankly, sheâ¬"s pushy.
>>>>>
>>>>> There was a situation that happened today while we were at her house 
>>>>> for a barbecue.  A bunch of us from church had contributed food.My 
>>>>> daughter had eaten a fairly balanced meal, so I wasnâ¬"t worried about 
>>>>> her nutrition.  When it came time for dessert, she chose to have a 
>>>>> piece of carrot cake, which she promptly ate the frosting off of and 
>>>>> then lost interest in.  Par for the course.  Then she asked Nanna for 
>>>>> some lemon cake.  Lots of us were just having little smidges of each 
>>>>> kind, so I was surprised when Nanna said no, there was still cake on 
>>>>> her plate.  I could see it if she hadnâ¬"t eaten dinner first, but she 
>>>>> had, so I thought that was ridiculous.  Trying to keep the mood light, 
>>>>> I reached over and took the cake off my daughterâ¬"s dish, then said, 
>>>>> â¬SOkay, tell Nanna your plateâ¬"s clean.â¬  Nanna still refused to give her 
>>>>> the lemon cake.  My daughter started to pitch a fit in true 
>>>>> four-year-old fashion, screeching and waving her arms around.  Nanna 
>>>>> told her to go sit on the stairs till she was ready to be fit company. 
>>>>> I said no, sheâ¬"s my daughter and Iâ¬"m in charge here.  Nanna told me, 
>>>>> raising her voice, that we were in her house, so her rules came first. 
>>>>> I said I didnâ¬"t appreciate her yelling at me, and that if she wouldnâ¬"t 
>>>>> serve my daughter a slice of lemon cake, I would do it myself.  I guess 
>>>>> Nannaâ¬"s husband had gotten his fill by that time because he cut my 
>>>>> daughter a slice of cake and gave it to her without saying anything.
>>>>>
>>>>> I know that situation should ideally not have happened in front of my 
>>>>> daughter, but it did.  Iâ¬"m not looking for anybody to get on my case, 
>>>>> but Iâ¬"m interested in some answers from other blind parents.  Whose 
>>>>> rules should have taken precedence?  Is there anything I can do about 
>>>>> it now?
>>>>>
>>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>>
>>>>> I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of 
>>>>> Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent 
>>>>> have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> blparent mailing list
>>>>> blparent at nfbnet.org
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>>>>> blparent:
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>>>>> Grandma's house, grandma's rules. Yes I know she's your daughter, and 
>>>>> if this was another strangers house your rules would stand. But in a 
>>>>> normal house, with a grandma parent relationship grandmas house trumps 
>>>>> all. It is her house, her roles, sorry you feel that way. Now you may 
>>>>> always choose never to return to grandmas house, if you don't like the 
>>>>> way grandma runs her house. But again, that is up to you. But this 
>>>>> situation is all about respect, her grandma issued her decree, and you 
>>>>> chose to try and overcome per. This is very disrespectful no matter 
>>>>> what culture you're in, this will not stand in my house, and my 
>>>>> daughters grandma would always overcut me as a sign of respect. Right 
>>>>> or wrong. So please, take it for what it is take your losses and make a 
>>>>> decision, you either like the other situations you have been with 
>>>>> grandma, and this is a small think you could get over. Or you could 
>>>>> choose to not like it, her, or any future situation, and just never 
>>>>> return to her house. Very simple, if you ask me.
>>>>
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>>>
>>>
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>>
>>
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