[blparent] How do you all handle the issue of yourkids not telling the truth?

Mon Jun 3 16:49:25 UTC 2013

The kite belongs to Dad.  It's difficult to fly, needs just the right wind 
and careful handling.  So he said the kids could fly it if he was with them, 
but not when they went to the park by themselves.  I had trouble dealing 
with the kite issue because once the incident happened, Dad backed down and 
said whatever, the kite didn't get broken, let it go.  So I had no backup 
handling the bigger issue of the sneaking.  I tried to talk to my stepson, 
but he fell back on the fact that Dad said it was okay and wouldn't listen. 
So I told my daughter that if she ever felt uncomfortable with something her 
brother was doing, or if she ever felt like he was trying to get her to do 
something she knew she shouldn't, she needed to come and tell me right away. 
She asked if that would make her brother mad at her and I said maybe it 
would, but the most important thing was for her to tell me the truth so I 
knew she could be safe with her brother and not getting into trouble.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Star Gazer
Sent: Monday, June 03, 2013 8:03 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of yourkids not 
telling the truth?

The kite is way more serious then the socks and shoes. Stephen and Sarah 
aren't equally matched, he's 18 or close to it. Sarah is five. He knew what 
he was doing, and he knew that Sarah as well as J.E. trust him. Totally not 
a cool move.
I also think that all kids know our weak points, weak points being when we 
are distracted. Stephen may or may not have been thinking of J.E.'s 
blindness. Odds are that if he wanted to sneak the kite out of the house, 
he'd have done it when J.E. was in the shower or taking out the trash, or 
doing just about anything. "Bye mom, we're leaving" while J.E. is busy is 
all it takes.
As for the socks and shoes, my daughter takes forver to get hers on. I don't 
know Sarah, but speed is one indicator something is amiss. So is tone of 
voice, body language, type of energy you pick up on, all kinds of 
indicators.
I'd deal with the kite, and the shoes as two separate issues.  I'm also not 
real clear why someone would buy a kite and then say "don't take it to the 
park" but that is also another topic.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Veronica 
Smith
Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 6:50 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
telling the truth?

I believe it has to do with blindness, maybe not entirely but absolutely. 
He snuck it out because he knew she could not see it, but he knew his sister 
could.
Sneaking out is wrong, at any age and yes it has to be delt with.
Kids all do such things whether their parents can see or not, but in this 
case, he knew she couldn't and that's why he involved his little sister.
But she learned from his deviousness.
She needs to know, because mommy cannot see, it is very important to listen 
to her and do as she says, not as her older brother does.
Mom is law, dad is law, not her bigger brother and when she does wrong, she 
has to be punished.
Mom needs to tell her because she was sneaky and did the opposite of what 
she was told, mom cannot trust her and has to look at her feet, her hands, 
in her bag and now she has to regain that trust.  She is not too young to 
learn.
V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star Gazer
Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 7:16 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
telling the truth?

The socks and shoes issue is separate from the kite issue. Do you understand 
this? Does she?
Once you figure this out, you'll know what you need to do. My approach would 
be to do what you say you were going to do, check her feet or bag or 
whatever it is that she is leaving the house with.
Her stepbrother is the one you need to be concerned about. He's lying and in 
addition, he's using his influence to get someone with less life experience 
to do things she is not comfortable with. He needs to know how very wrong 
this is. This really isn't about a kite. What does his dad say about this? 
And his mom? Are there any adults who grasp how serious this is? Do you?
This has nothing to do with blindness. My concern is that your stepson has 
some real issues. Sarah is just being a little kid. If it wasn't about socks 
and shoes, she'd be doing this with some other thing. My solution with Sarah 
would be to remind her through actions that you know what is going on and be 
a bit more vigilant. Kids know who is paying attention and when, and they 
know that no adult can pay attention every single second. That's just part 
of life.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo 
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 9:50 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not telling 
the truth?

My five-year-old has fallen into a bit of a bad habit of telling lies 
lately.  None that are too serious yet, but unfortunately her big brother, 
my stepson, helped her figure out that she could sneak things past me.  I 
told them not to take a kite to the park with them that belonged to their 
dad, and he waltzed right out the door with that kite under my nose when I 
didn’t know about it.  My daughter ratted him out when they got home, and 
later she told me she was uncomfortable with what he had done but that she 
didn’t know what to do about it at the time.  I said she could tell me 
anything and that she needed to let me know if her brother was doing stuff 
that made her uncomfortable.  Since then, she’s started testing the waters, 
like today she told me she had her shoes and socks on when she went outside 
with her friends to ride bikes.  When she came back in, her dad was home, 
and he scolded her for running around outside barefoot.  So I found out she 
really hadn’t put on her shoes and socks.  I’m afraid she’s going to scrape 
her toes or step on something and cut her foot.  I said that since I couldn’t 
trust her to tell me the truth, I’d have to check her feet with my hands 
before I let her go outside anymore so I knew she would be safe.  But it got 
me to wondering how some of you other blind parents have handled the issue 
since I don’t want her thinking she can pull stuff over on me.  Thanks.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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