[blparent] Guide dog questions

Thu Sep 26 12:28:29 UTC 2013

This is interesting stuff Rob. 
I think women feel this "the kids come first" instinctively. It's part of
the mama bear instinct which men don't have because they aren't mothers. 
I'm not surprised you had to learn this. I am glad you have the balls to
admit it. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Rob Kaiser
Sent: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 3:27 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Guide dog questions

Great comments. I think as parrents, we have to realize that the "child has
to come first." It took me a long time to realize tht. When I got married in
November of 1999, my now x-wife (who is fully sighted) had to drum it in my
head that her son, Jesse has to come first. For whatever reason, maybe
unfortunately selfish reasons, I never understood this. Now that I have a
second chance with Breann, I am fonally realizing tha tI (when I have
Breann) have to always take her needs first. If or when I get a dog, I know
I will have to make adjustments. As a dog guide user, I always had to take
the dog's needs first so that they would be good workers for me.

-----Original Message-----
From: Star Gazer
Sent: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 11:45 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Guide dog questions

I worked two dogs, both from Leader Dogs.
I was working with my second dog when I had my daughter.
After my daughter's arrival, I found working a dog extremely difficult.
Basically, the needs of the dog did not fit into the architecture of my
family.
I found it extremely difficult to soothe a teething baby, only to have the
dog decide just as I'd gotten the baby to sleep that it really had to go
out.
My daughter also had chronic ear fluid which meant she was in pain and cried
a lot. We got that resolved, but it took longer then it should have because
the idiot peditritian chalked up our concerns to "just being new parents".
I found getting the dog and baby ready to go out very stressful, one needed
to go out to go potty, one needed to stay in.
I lost all my tolerance for dealing with access issues, especially when my
daughter was hungry and food was literally a few minutes away.
I found it easier from a mechanical perspective to use my cane. We could go
at whatever pace we needed or wanted. Sometimes we'd go at the pace of
toddler, sometimes the pace of Mommy, but it was signifigantly easier to do
all this without a dog.
I should add that my dog didn't seem to be happy guiding when I had my
daughter. She'd run me into things, sniff, just do whatever she could do to
make her displeasure known. The most obnoxious was when I'd be out in
public, mid diaper change (and it was always the poopie diapers when this
happened) and the dog would get up and wander the rest room with the sole
intent of looking for trouble.
I found myself getting annoyed with the dog for just being a dog. I'd come
home from work, having spent all day with the dog, wanting nothing more then
to hang with my daughter, and the dog would turn into an attention whore.
There is no better way to put it.
My daughter is six now and I'm expecting another baby in Feb. Even if we
weren't, I'd not get another dog at this time. Older kids can do more for
themselves, but they need you in very signifigant ways. You have to make
sure they keep up with their hygeen. You have to decide when to let them
live with a bad decision or when and how you will intervene.  You have to
make sure homework gets done. You get into conversations of all varieties.
I was almost late getting my daughter to the bus recently because we were
both fascinated by a hot air balloonist that had made the news.  This
morning, she was very distracted by a loose tooth. Dealing with a sick kid
will be a whole lot harder with a dog. A garden variety cold will become a
pain in the butt. Add anything more serious, RSV, or a hospital stay, and
your life will suck.  We had to take our daughter to the emergency room
about a year ago due to severe stomach pains. I did the bulk of the care, as
well as getting her to comply with the nurses. My husband doesn't handle
medical stuff well. He never has. This is fine. I remember the nurse needing
my daughter to pee in a cup for a urine sample. She wouldn't pee until she
and I were alone together. I remember sending my husband out to get a Coke,
then taking my daughter into the bathroom and helping her pee. She was five
at the time and knows going potty is a private thing. If we'd had other
children, I'd have sent my husband home to care for them, as practically
speaking, there was no need for him to be there. I have no idea how I'd have
managed a dog. My daughter was very scared of being alone and I wouldn't
have left her. In theory a staff member could take the dog out, but that
isn't their job. Basically, a dog would have added another layer of
difficulty to what was already a stressful situation. Men and women parent
very differently. My experience is that men are great at tasks with a define
start and end point. Women do tasks that are undefined both in their start
and end point, and where the task is undefined. "Soothing a baby or child"
is a perfect example. The kid could be upset for five seconds or for hours.
They could need to hug and talk, or they could need something else. I
sometimes remind myself that it was the women that helped Jesus when he was
on the cross. The men couldn't deal with it, so they literally left him
there.
If you have a romantic partner, you will want his or her input.  You will
both need to understand that the dog will need attention. That isn't
attention I am willing to give when we have date night. You will have to
take what you know about your partner, and talk with that person to see if
they would truly be happy with a dog.  You will become a minor celebrity
with a dog which can make it difficult to just have a conversation with the
guy or gal you're with. You'll have access issues to deal with which is a
lot to ask of someone when you both have the needs of a child to factor in.
You and your partner will have to deal with your dog's personality, both the
positive and negative aspects of it. Again, this can be a lot to ask when
you have a child.

One of the things I am really looking forward to is caring for this new baby
without taking into account the needs of a guide dog. The humans in my
family all require the same infrastructure.  A dog will require something
different that for me anyway, was not compitable.
You can work around all these issues if a dog is truly what you want. It's
all a matter of your priority list and the trade-offs you are willing to
make.
As for Fidelco, I'd be careful with them. They do not grant ownership. They
have taken away dogs from their graduates. Hop on over to the NAGDU list for
some good discussion.  Fidelco only trains shepherds. When I asked them why,
a trainer told me "because the founder's son likes them". That isn't sound
reasoning to me. I love the beach, but I wouldn't live there.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Shelby
Young
Sent: Tuesday, September 24, 2013 8:49 PM
To: Blind
Subject: [blparent] Guide dog questions

Hello everyone,
While we are on the subject, I have a few questions. I posted this on the
Facebook group so if you get a repeat I am sorry.
Where did you get your dog from? What did and didn't you like about the
school? Did you get your guide before or after you had your child/children?
Where would you recommend getting a dog from? Have any of you heard of
Fidelco guide dog foundation? Which breed of dog do you have? About how much
should I look at budget each month for a dog? What things will I need to buy
before I get my dog, and what things do you think the school will give me?
This is not all a for sure thing, it's just something I am looking into.
Sorry for the typing mistakes, I am using dictation on my iPhone.
Shelby

Sent from my iPhone
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