[blparent] blindparent RE3 kids being SNEAKY

[dawn stumpner]

Hi, Jo Elizabeth and Everyone,

     Yes, there have been a few times that my sons throughout the 
years have used the fact that I couldn't see to try to get away 
with small things, for example, trying to leave the house with 
their hair a mess or high water pants on their way to school or 
pushing a bunch of stuff under the bed when cleaning their rooms 
thinking that I wouldn't check.  Most of the time, I figure out 
what they are doing, and we've talked about how sneaking, whether 
it be getting around my lack of vision or sneaking in any other 
way, is a form of dishonesty, is hurtful, and lessens trust.  I 
think this message has gotten through, and the kids don't do any 
more sneaking than I've heard of my sighted peers talking about 
their kids doing or remember my brother, my cousins, and me doing 
with our parents.  I feel I've done a good job over all in 
imparting the lessons I would like my kids to carry through life 
with them.  They are loving, curious about the world around them, 
generous, and for the most part cooperative and able to put 
themselves in other people's shoes.
    What bothers me sometimes is my dad's reaction to my lack of 
sight.  On the one hand, he was very supportive of me as I grew 
up, including letting me do things like travel overseas that he 
wasn't always comfortable with.  On the other hand, perhaps 
because he is of an older generation, I'm a woman, I'm divorced, 
and I'm blind, he sometimes acts more like the primary parent 
when he visits than just a grandpa.  I have mentioned to him that 
he yells at my kids for things that he doesn't yell at my 
brother's daughters for, and he responds  that my nieces have two 
sighted parents, and that he feels like he has to correct my boys 
because I can't always see what they do and my husband isn't 
there now and wasn't on top of things before the divorce.  Each 
thing that the boys don't do thoroughly, such as leaving their 
dishes on the table, needing to be told to clean their rooms 
again and again, or having to be told to shovel the driveway more 
thoroughly seems to him to be because I can't see what kind of a 
job they have done.  My sighted friends deal with the same issues 
as me needing to tell their kids to do a job twice because it 
wasn't done well the first time, etc., but although he says that 
I do a good job and can do things as well as other people, other 
things he says make me feel like what I'm doing isn't enough and 
is somehow inferior to what I would be able to do if I could see 
and that the kids would not try to get away with anything if I 
could see.
     Sorry for the long message.  Your email just made me think 
of some of these related issues for me, and it's hard for me to 
be concise about them.  Have any of you ever had difficulty with 
family members or friends thinking that what you do is either 
amazing when it's just ordinary or that any difficulties you have 
are because of lack of sight and that they need to be there to 
make sure everything turns out okay?

Dawn