[blparent] chapter 2

Sat Jan 11 03:26:41 UTC 2014

For what it is worth, I think her staying at your house may be what is best
for the girls. When she says things that are not true, I would just calmly
say something like "You know that is just not true." Or maybe "That may be
how you feel, but that is not my responsibility." I find it helpful to have
some fall back phrases I can use in predictable situations like the ones'
are likely to encounter.

The girls are going to feel far more secure when staying in their own home
where they know what to expect.

I would probably plan to keep busy working and being nearby in the house,
but not being part of their family time. It is not fair to give the girls
the impression that everything is getting back to normal. Most especially if
that is some fantasy version of normal they have.

Those are just my initial thoughts.

Oh, and try to subtly lock up any valuables. You never know what even the
most honest of people can convince themselves they deserve if convince they
have been treated badly. Her not staying at your house would not change this
as her children live there and she will have access.

Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kimsan
Sent: Friday, January 10, 2014 10:56 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] chapter 2

	Nothing bad, or worth calling cps about lol. Maybe it's all in my
head.
Here's the backdrop.  I think I touched on this in a previous email, but
here goes. As I stated, the x wanted nothing to do with me, she left town
last year, she wanted the kids with her but I went and got custody and I
have soul custody of the girls.  During the divorce proceedings, she did not
lift a finger during the proceedings. No parenting classes, nothing.
I understand that you can't make someone love you, or you can't change
someone, but here and there after she left town, I kept trying to convince
her to come back to town and she kept saying, "I'm not going back to you." I
was like sheesh, did you hear me correctly lol, I said come back to town,
the girls miss you. Not come back to me.  Daily phone calls or video skyping
is not what the girls need.
I undergone several sessions of therapy for the divorce and after crying so
many nights, I am sort of over it.  I began rebuilding and I will honestly
say that I am at a better place now, then she texts me yesterday saying she
was coming back to town, which is great for the girls but based on what she
is telling everyone, I am worried about the girls.  The girls have missed
mom terribly since she left, mom told everyone that she is only here for a
month.  So, I had to tread waters carefully yesterday when telling the girls
mommy was coming.  If I told them that mommy is coming to live, and she
leaves, bam, the girls world will be rocked.  So, I told their mother, I'm
telling them you will be here, but as far as how long, I am not saying
anything, you will have to explain that to them as I do not want to give
them false hope and get the backlash, if you leave, again.  So, she just
told them over the phone that she will only be here for a month.
		Her parents are very hmm, I can't figure out the word to use
but they are always in our business, When is she coming to see the kids, did
she call, yotta yotta yotta.  I was like with all do respect, you want to
know what your daughter is doing, or will do, here's an idea, call her!
The big picture here for me are the girls. I know how they love their mother
so much and I have always heard that "girls need their mom." I am not here
to debate that because I am a male, and the dad, but in my opinion, at least
to me, it's about being there for the kids, in spite if you are mom or dad.
I was by their side from the start. When we split up, when the house caught
on fire, and all the other parenting stuff that went along with it. So many
days and nights, I just sat there holding one daughter, or another as they
cried and cried because nothing made sense to them.  Here's the part where I
might of made a mistake...
		When she texted me yesterday and told me she was coming
back, she asked if she could stay at my house for a while, and I said, sure
go ahead.  People already, "dude, she left you for another guy, left the
kids in the process and you are letting her live with you?"  My response was
I'm doing this for the girls, the girls may be happy right now, but down
deep inside, they are missing mom and after what happened this past summer,
I do not want a repeat.  What happened this past summer was, after she was
held in contempt of court, she told our kids, in front of me and them that
she hated me, she wish she never met me, your dad will not allow me to see
you, or allow you girls to have a relationship with me.  Yes, granted, she
was pist, so I let it slide.  The girls took everything as gospel that mom
said and for 3-months, all I got was so much anger and blame from the kids.
"why are you not letting mom come see us, it's your fault why mommy isn't
here. I hate you. I don't love you."
In my what they call wish list, parenting plan, I proposed that the kids
live with me, she gets visitations Fri through Sunday and here's the
stickler.  All of her visitations must take place here in our county, and if
she takes the kids out of the county, she will be violating the parenting
plan and she will be tossed in jail for 10-days.
With her living with us, now. I don't know how to approach it.  I don't know
when she is leaving, her dad told me this morning, just leave her alone and
if she wants to live at your house, somewhere else, let her. I was like, um,
duh, I get it. She can do whatever she wants it's her life, I'm just worried
that she will drag the girls into it.  Dad says girls need their mom and she
has the right.  I don't want to say this as I do not want to get hate, but I
just shrugged my shoulders and thought, look at the parenting plan, think
again...
I'm just real worried for my girls as mom is a mess right now.  Even though
I was destroyed when it ended for us, and she left me for another dude, I
still care about her and want her to be ok, which is why I offered for her
to stay at my house and I think that was a mistake.
We all know about consistency, structure, and all that good stuff, and that
is what I am worried about.  I don't want the kids going from place-to-place
all because she broke up with her bf and decided to come back to town.
Our what was suppose to be our 10th year anniversary and also her birthday,
this past Tuesday was tough for me lol as I beat myself up that night, well,
not literally and now she is living with us.  Yes, I am aware that it was my
call and some will say that you made the choice and offer so you will get
whatever you deserve lol.  This is not my first rodio so to speak, and I am
used to angry women, I just don't want her to take the kids here and there,
when they are suppose to be living at the house hwhere they currently
reside.  Remember that wish list? She just showed up and signed the papers
and that was it.
I think that is it for now.  She seems very upset/sad the last time I saw
her, which was when I woke up this morning, ah,the memories lol.
I need to get back to work now...

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star Gazer
Sent: Friday, January 10, 2014 7:40 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand

Now you've got me wondering what will happen in 24 hours? 
Reminds me of the joke about the cowboy and his stolen horse. Anybody know
that one?

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kimsan
Sent: Friday, January 10, 2014 12:25 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand

I will remember that. My stories are always so long that I simply just don't
want to explain as it is to much typing lol.
Let's just say that what is happening in less than 24-hours will be what's
best for the girls but the adults will need to put differences aside and
hopefully agree more than disagree.
Let me just say that at the start, my x said, I don't need you, don't need
your money and she moved away about six hours from here, but she texted me
this morning and said  I am coming back to town to stay for good.  Now, as a
dad, this is where I will speak with gabe as I would feel more comfortable
speaking from male to male.
But I get your point though about not having to feel obligated or find
justifications.
Take care...

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2014 8:54 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand

You don't have to explain or justify anything to us on this list that you
don't choose to.  Always remember that.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message-----
From: Kimsan
Sent: Thursday, January 09, 2014 9:17 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand

Child support, especially in this case is not worth the fuss as it was only
200 for 3 kids.  I have a buddy who is getting 187 just for one child!
Between my day job and my training business, I fair pretty well, at least
until they become teenagers and ask for more expensive stuff lol.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gabe Vega
Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2014 7:35 PM
To: nfb blind parent blindparent
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand

some times the child support isn't worth it believe it or not. and I agree
with kimson some times its just easier and natural to hussle rather than
chising child support from dead beat women who aren't going to pay it.

Gabe Vega
CEO
Commtech LLC
Web: http://commtechusa.net
FaceBook: http://facebook.com/commtechllc
Twitter: http://twitter.com/commtechllc
Email: info at commtechusa.net
Phone: (888) 351-5289 ext. 710
Fax: (480) 535-7649

On Jan 9, 2014, at 3:56 PM, Jennifer Stewart Jackson
<jennifersjackson at att.net> wrote:

> I agree with Rebecca on this child support issue. There are things you 
> will not be able to pay for otherwise and that is true of any parent.
> Believe me it was a big help when my kids Dad came up with the $500 we 
> plopped down at the beginning of this wrestling season, and wrestling 
> is one of the cheaper activities. Gymnastics or dance will run about
> $100 a month per kid and musical instruments are not cheap. . Your 
> daughters are going to have more expenses as they age and their mother
owes them these opportunities.
>
> I do not want to pry into your family business, so please just 
> consider what I am about to ad and do not feel you have to share 
> details with us. I know that sometimes a parent gives up pursuing 
> child support to protect a child or children from a bad situation with 
> the other parent. Perhaps involving drugs or some other abuse. That is 
> completely different and obviously more important than the reasons I 
> gave
for pursuing child support.
>
>
>
> Jennifer
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star 
> Gazer
> Sent: Thursday, January 09, 2014 4:01 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand
>
> Really, I'd get child support (unless you are trying to avoid paying
> it??) as it's to bennifit your children. You're legally entitled to it 
> and unless all you'd be getting $10 a month or so, it would help your
budget.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
> Kimsan
> Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2014 2:42 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand
>
> Yes, we have the city bus, the door-to-door service, but they are not 
> the greatest as they have gotten me to appointments late more than once.
> The cab, there is a 15 dollar boarding fee and I can't remember how 
> much it would've been per-mile.  In short, nothing I could've make fit 
> in
my budget.
> I'm trying to stay away from child support as that will open up a 
> whole new can of worms lol, and I hate worms..
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo 
> Elizabeth Pinto
> Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2014 11:34 AM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand
>
> Do you have paratransit?  How expensive are cabs, just for rainy days?
>
>
>
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you 
> may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and 
> full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kimsan
> Sent: Thursday, January 09, 2014 12:07 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand
>
> No worries. I didn't think you were trying to betlittle me.
> I should've chosen my words carefully, what I tried to say was that I 
> am not the only blind person experiencing what I went through and am 
> currently going through.
> As I write this, I am in the process in making calls to see about what 
> "good survices" there are here for the blind. Public transportation 
> sucks and with my busy schedule, I need to figure out how to make 
> things
happen.
> My main issue is transportation and the ability to get from one place 
> to another in a timely manner.  Yes, we can debate about taking the 
> buss, but time isn't in my favor lol.
> For example, I get off of work at 2:30, dr appointment is at 3:20, it 
> takes me about 30-minutes to walk from my job to their school, then 
> another 20-minutes to 30-minutes to get to the doctor's office.  Plus, 
> mother nature is not in a good mood today, but I will make it happen!
> I was single before and made it lol.
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.co
> m
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/kimsansong%40aol
> .com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/pickrellrebecca%
> 40gmai
> l.com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jennifersjackson
> %40att
> .net
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/theblindtech%40g
> mail.com

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/kimsansong%40aol.com

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.com 

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/kimsansong%40aol.com

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/pickrellrebecca%40gmai
l.com

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/kimsansong%40aol.com

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jennifersjackson%40att
.net