[blparent] Lockdown Drill at School

Mon Jan 13 18:31:44 UTC 2014

In this case, I actually agree with Gabe. It really doesn't matter too
much what every person thinks. I kind of liked Rebecca's idea about
dealing with these comments. When someone says something like: "What a
good helper you are to Mom!" I just smile and put my arm around Abby
(My four-year-old daughter, the one they're talking to) and say:
"She's a wonderful helper. We'll always take care of each other."
After all, it's good to teach kids about being helpful generally. I
certainly don't want to turn my kids into built-in readers or exploit
their help, but if they're interested in helping with tasks just for
the sake of helping, why not let them and acknowledge their
helpfulness?

Jen

On 1/13/14, Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:
> Personally, I try to smile and keep it as upbeat as possible.  People will
> say, "Oh, she must be so helpful!"  And I'll laugh lightly and say, "Sure!
> She's great, about as helpful as an average five-year-old on any given day."
> That makes most of them stop and think, and we have a good giggle.  It puts
> the whole thing into perspective.  It might work for a preteen as well,
> since most people know how they can be good as gold one minute and moody and
> obstinate the next.  Something humorous and friendly that can bring the
> situation back into a more realistic light tends to work.  With my
> kindergartner, something like, "Oh yeah, she picks up her toys as well as
> any kid does, don't you honey!" or "She plans our menu--it's spaghetti or
> pizza every night" does the trick.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kate McEachern
> Sent: Monday, January 13, 2014 9:43 AM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Lockdown Drill at School
>
> Hi Steve and list.
>
> I have experienced this as well. Nothing too bad, but had a Santa Claus when
> my oldest was three spend all his time telling her how great she was for
> helping her parents and how we were so special. I complained about the
> Santa, but my oldest has never been a big fan from that time on when it came
> to  visiting characters. Have the typical walking down the street and
> strangers do the it's so nice of you to help your mom thing.  over the years
> though I'm starting to think it has nothing to do with us as blind parents,
> and more to do with the cited stranger trying to feel better about the
> situation that they just can't figure out. Not too sure though. would be
> nice to hear if anybody has tips on dealing with this without coming across
> as being an ass. The last thing I want to be is rude to people who  just
> don't know. It's just not my style, and it doesn't make people remember the
> good things about the situation either. Especially not with a preteen, it
> would be nice to not have people think she's my shopper or my reader. What
> are your thoughts?
> Kate
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>> On Jan 13, 2014, at 10:33 AM, "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>> Gabe,
>>
>> I have never seen a case where a child was complimented for taking care of
>>
>> their sighted parents, nor have I ever
>> seen a case where sighted parents were told how lucky they were to have
>> kids to take care of them, unless we're
>> talking about parents who live with their adult kids.  As a blind parent,
>> I have had to deal with both sentiments,
>> and it was an issue when adopting, were we just looking for built-in
>> readers, etc.  The idea that kids can and
>> should take care of their blind parents is unfortunately not that
>> uncommon.  We have to be careful not to fall
>> into the trap of thinking "if it doesn't happen to me then it doesn't
>> happen."
>>
>> Best regards,
>>
>> Steve Jacobson
>>
>>> On Sun, 12 Jan 2014 09:53:28 -0700, Gabe Vega - CEO Commtech LLC wrote:
>>>
>>> i've seen this with sided parents as well, so to be honest, I don't know
>>> what the big deal is and what the
>> connection to blindness is. Alyssa how they've specifically said the
>> Woodbine, I don't think there's any room for
>> concern here. If she did mention blindness, then I agree, it is concerning
>>
>> very concerning in fact that your
>> daughter feels she have to's take care of her mother, not because she's
>> alone at home, but strictly because she's
>> blind. If you were cited, I don't think your daughter would feel this way
>>
>>> Gabe Vega  - CEO
>>> Commtech LLC
>>> The leader of computer support, training and web development services
>>> Web: http://commtechusa.net
>>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/commtechllc
>>> Facebook: http://facebook.com/commtechllc
>>> Email: info at commtechusa.net
>>> Phone: (888) 351-5289 Ext. 710
>>> Fax: (480) 535-7649
>>
>>>> On Jan 12, 2014, at 9:46 AM, "Michelle Creedy "
>>>> <michelle.creedy at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> People pull this stuff all the time. I went with my sister to pick my
>>>> ppre-school nephew up from school a few
>> years ago and the teacher started on the whole "Oh look how nicely you're
>> taking care of your aunt," thing. He was
>> holding my hand in order to walk out of the school. Of course, my sister
>> saw both sides because deep down, it
>> makes her feel validated that someone is praising her child and showing
>> what a nice little boy he is. Sadly,
>> sometimes, I think having children brings out the worst in families and
>> others.
>>>>
>>>> Michelle
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of sheila
>>>> Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2014 3:49 PM
>>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Lockdown Drill at School
>>>>
>>>> hi Mark went through a time in which he felt very responsible for dad
>>>> and I. It didn't help that he was often
>> told by others to take care of mom and dad. If mark was out for recess and
>>
>> saw us leaving the house he would worry
>> about whether we got home okay. We tried to leave when we knew he was in
>> class hoping he would settle down. We had
>> a very suppportive pediatrician so when things came up at school dealing
>> with mark or our blindness we kept him in
>> the loop. we had a social worker show up because someone reported among
>> other things that we weren't sending him
>> to school and I informed her of the situation and also let her know that
>> we had reliable witnesses and we never
>> heard from her again.
>>>>> On 1/11/2014 2:42 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>>>> Okay, bear with me, because this does have to do with blind parenting,
>>>>> and weâ¬"ll come to that, but it doesnâ
>> ¬"t start out that way.  Sometimes things get really compicated, and my
>> questions are one, is there anything Iâ¬"m
>> missing that I can do to reassure my daughter that I havenâ¬"t thought of?
>>
>> And two, am I right to keep the school
>> counselor out of this, or am I paranoid?  I admit I am, a little.  My
>> feeling is, once the psychologist gets
>> involved, an issue is made where there wasnâ¬"t one, and itâ¬"s really
>> hard to get rid of the professionals once
>> theyâ¬"re sniffing around.  And once someone hints that blindness might be
>>
>> part of the problem, which I donâ¬"t
>> think it is at all, then youâ¬"ve got red flags where they donâ¬"t need to
>>
>> be.
>>>>>
>>>>> My daughter was already a bit hesitant about going back to school after
>>>>>
>>>>> Christmas Break.  Vacation was long,
>> and she was starting in with the â¬SIâ¬"ll miss you too muchâ¬  stuff.  I
>> donâ¬"t know why; she likes school and
>> has friends, so I figured sheâ¬"d pop back into the routine and do fine.
>> I let her wear an inexpensive necklace
>> of mine so sheâ¬"d have a tangible connection to me all day and sent her
>> off Tuesday morning with lots of hugs.
>> Well thenâ¬ and I think this was poor timing on the part of the school,
>> but thatâ¬"s just my opinion, for what itâ
>> ¬"s worthâ¬ the school held a lockdown drill Tuesday morning.  I didnâ¬"t
>> know it at the time.  I think parents
>> should be given a heads-up by automatic phone dialer or e-mail if
>> thereâ¬"s been a lockdown drill in case their
>> kids have issues, but whatever.  The only thing that happened Tuesday
>> night was that my daughter mentioned yet
>> again that she thought she should be home schooled.  Sheâ¬"d been seeing
>> commercials for K-12 Online, a home
>> school academy you can do on the computer.  I dismissed the idea casually,
>>
>> saying it wouldnâ¬"t be a good fit for
>> our family and that she needed to learn at school with her friends, and
>> she went to bed without incident.
>>>>>
>>>>> Wednesday morning, out of nowhere, she had the queen mother of all
>>>>> tantrums, refusing to go to school at all.
>> Kicking, screaming, ripping her clothes off, insisting she was sick.  Her
>> dad tried holding her down and putting
>> her shoes on by sheer force.  I stopped that because I was afraid either
>> he would break her ankle or she would
>> kick him in the face and smash his glasses.  So I made him leave her in
>> her room and shut the door till she calmed
>> down.  I told her if she was too sick to go to school, she could go back
>> to bed.  That was what sick people did,
>> sleep.  No friends, no toys, no TV, no electronics, nothing.  She didnâ¬"t
>>
>> like that idea, so she got dressed and
>> went to school.  We took TV away that night because of the tantrum and
>> because she was late for school that day.
>> I felt bad later because I didnâ¬"t know the motives behind any of it, but
>>
>> she hadnâ¬"t opened up to me.
>>>>>
>>>>> Well, about eleven oâ¬"clock, her teacher called me, not very happy.
>>>>> She told me my daughter had been to the
>> health aideâ¬ there are no RNâ¬"s in schools now, theyâ¬"re health
>> aidesâ¬ three times with a headache and a
>> tummyache.  No temperature.  Neither the teacher nor the health aide
>> believed my daughter was sick.  The teacher
>> said she was over it; she had 25 other kids to deal with, it was my turn.
>> So I got my daughter on the phone and
>> said she could either listen to her teacher and do her schoolwork or come
>> home and go to bed.  I wouldnâ¬"t get
>> into the â¬SIâ¬"m really sick, Momâ¬  discussion with her.  I told her no
>> more trips to the health aide.  Either
>> stay at school and do her work or Dad would bring her home and she could
>> go to bed.
>>>>>
>>>>> Thursday, two more trips to the health aide.  That night, my daughter
>>>>> and I started talking about what was going on.  And she told me the
>>>>> school had done a lockdown drill on Tuesday.  In her words, the office
>>>>> lady had come on the loudspeaker and said they were going to pretend a
>>>>> man with a gun had run out of the bank and was coming toward the
>>>>> school.  So everybody was going to crawl under desks and tables till
>>>>> the teachers said it was okay to come out.  (I found out later that
>>>>> nobody came on the intercom and said anything about a gun.  That was
>>>>> either filled in by my daughterâ¬"s imagination or by what the other
>>>>> kids were saying.  Kids arenâ¬"t stupid.  The office person said it was
>>>>> a lockdown drill, the teacher said a drill might happen if there were
>>>>> trouble at the bank or in the neighborhood, kids arenâ¬"t stupid.  They
>>>>> know what that means.  Nobody crawled under desks, which arenâ¬"t
>>>>> bulletproof; they stood along a cinderblock wall lined with cupboards
>>>>> with no windows, which might be somewhat better I guess.)
>>>>>
>>>>> Anyway, my daughterâ¬ bless her heartâ¬ wasnâ¬"t freaked out for
>>>>> herself.  She thinks sheâ¬"s one of the Power
>> Puff Girls or Raven from Teen Titans, so she figures sheâ¬"ll kick butt
>> and take names wherever she is.  She
>> started thinking about me, here alone.  She started worrying about how old
>>
>> and feeble my guide dog Ballad is
>> getting and what I would do if the man with the gun ran to the house.  So
>> by Tuesday night after the lockdown
>> drill, she didnâ¬"t tell me why, but she thought she should be home
>> schooled so she could stay with me and be her
>> superhero self.  And by Wednesday morning, she decided she wasnâ¬"t going
>> to school.  When we made her go, she
>> tried to get herself sent home sick.
>>>>>
>>>>> So I reassured her as best I could.  I showed her how the dead bolt
>>>>> worked and how far it went into the wall,
>> how the door wonâ¬"t budge an inch when itâ¬"s locked.  I made her a pinky
>>
>> promise deal that Iâ¬"ll lock the door
>> every day, and that when she leaves with her dad in the morning, she can
>> check it herself.  I sent her outside to
>> ring the doorbell so she can hear how loud the dogâ¬"s bark is from out
>> there.  I reminded her how fast the
>> firemen got here once when we had to call 911 because the neighborâ¬"s
>> smoke alarm was going off and he wasnâ¬"t
>> home.  I said if a man with a gun was running around and I called 911 and
>> told the police, theyâ¬"d be here that
>> fast.  Is there anything Iâ¬"m missing as far as reassurances go?
>>>>>
>>>>> So anyway, hereâ¬"s where the blind parenting part comes in, if
>>>>> youâ¬"ve stuck with me this long, and thanks
>> for still reading.  I called my daughterâ¬"s teacher to explain all of
>> this because I wanted to let her know what
>> effects the lockdown drill hadâ¬ and to find out exactly how it had
>> happened because I didnâ¬"t quite believe the
>> kid version of the story.  I also wanted to explain why my daughter had
>> been pretending to be sick so much.  The
>> teacher is great.  She understood.  But the health aide suggested maybe I
>> should have my daughter talk to the
>> school counselor because she said she thought my daughter felt overly
>> responsible for me, and thatâ¬"s not
>> healthy.  She said a daughter shouldnâ¬"t feel she has to take care of her
>>
>> mother; a mother should be taking care
>> of her child.  I told her I do take care of my child.  I said I donâ¬"t
>> think weâ¬"re talking about an unhealthy
>> relationship here.  Weâ¬"re talking about a little superhero who thinks
>> sheâ¬"s going to save the day.  Thereâ¬"s
>> a big difference. I donâ¬"t believe the health aide would have come to the
>>
>> same conclusion if Iâ¬"d been a sighted
>> mom.  So far I believe Iâ¬"ve held her off, and Iâ¬"m hoping the problem
>> resolves itself before her worries go any
>> further.  If my daughter gets sent there with false symptoms again, I
>> asked the health aide to reassure her that
>> Iâ¬"m safe and that she checked the lock with her dad in the morning,
>> instead of focusing on the fact that she
>> isnâ¬"t sick, which isnâ¬"t the real issue.
>>>>>
>>>>> I hate these lockdown drills.  I suppose weâ¬"re stuck with them in the
>>>>>
>>>>> world we live in, and hopefully most
>> kids arenâ¬"t having the reaction my daughter is.  But weâ¬"re stealing
>> the innocence from a whole generation of
>> kids, and truthfully, Iâ¬"m not sure the drills would have prevented any
>> of the tragedies at Columbine.  I donâ¬"t
>> know, itâ¬"s said they did help at New Town, where kids knew what to do
>> and moved quickly into position; I just
>> hate that kids have to be burdened with this crap!
>>>>>
>>>>> Thanks for sticking with me; itâ¬"s been a hell of a week!
>>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>>
>>>>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you
>>>>> may kick it about all day like a
>> football, and it will be round and full at evening.--Oliver Wendell
>> Holmes, Sr.
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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