[blparent] Lockdown Drill at School
Steve Jacobson
steve.jacobson at visi.com
Mon Jan 13 19:11:26 UTC 2014
Gabe,
You might start to care if someone decides that because of your blindness you can't take care of your children.
This has happened to numerous blind people over the years. Sometimes there are other factors and those involved
may not have made the smartest decisions, but there doesn't have to be much of a basis for a complaint to cause a
good deal of trouble. If we as parents are doing a good job, we will prevail, but it can be a painful experience.
Most of the educating of the world, as you put it, that I try to do is in my self-interest.
Best regards,
Steve Jacobson
On Mon, 13 Jan 2014 11:08:07 -0700, Gabe Vega - CEO Commtech LLC wrote:
>i'll be honest I just don't really care too much about it. I'm not one to save the world and educate the world
about my blindness and how we can all get along and harmony. I guess my life doesn't work that way. It really
doesn't matter who says what about my blindness about my children as long as I take care of them, that's all that
matters.
>Gabe Vega - CEO
>Commtech LLC
>The leader of computer support, training and web development services
>Web: http://commtechusa.net
>Twitter: http://twitter.com/commtechllc
>Facebook: http://facebook.com/commtechllc
>Email: info at commtechusa.net
>Phone: (888) 351-5289 Ext. 710
>Fax: (480) 535-7649
>> On Jan 13, 2014, at 9:43 AM, Kate McEachern <kflsouth at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Hi Steve and list.
>>
>> I have experienced this as well. Nothing too bad, but had a Santa Claus when my oldest was three spend all his
time telling her how great she was for helping her parents and how we were so special. I complained about the
Santa, but my oldest has never been a big fan from that time on when it came to visiting characters. Have the
typical walking down the street and strangers do the it's so nice of you to help your mom thing. over the years
though I'm starting to think it has nothing to do with us as blind parents, and more to do with the cited stranger
trying to feel better about the situation that they just can't figure out. Not too sure though. would be nice to
hear if anybody has tips on dealing with this without coming across as being an ass. The last thing I want to be
is rude to people who just don't know. It's just not my style, and it doesn't make people remember the good
things about the situation either. Especially not with a preteen, it would be nice to not have people think she's
my shopper or my reader. What are your thoughts?
>> Kate
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>> On Jan 13, 2014, at 10:33 AM, "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> Gabe,
>>>
>>> I have never seen a case where a child was complimented for taking care of their sighted parents, nor have I
ever
>>> seen a case where sighted parents were told how lucky they were to have kids to take care of them, unless
we're
>>> talking about parents who live with their adult kids. As a blind parent, I have had to deal with both
sentiments,
>>> and it was an issue when adopting, were we just looking for built-in readers, etc. The idea that kids can and
>>> should take care of their blind parents is unfortunately not that uncommon. We have to be careful not to fall
>>> into the trap of thinking "if it doesn't happen to me then it doesn't happen."
>>>
>>> Best regards,
>>>
>>> Steve Jacobson
>>>
>>>> On Sun, 12 Jan 2014 09:53:28 -0700, Gabe Vega - CEO Commtech LLC wrote:
>>>>
>>>> i've seen this with sided parents as well, so to be honest, I don't know what the big deal is and what the
>>> connection to blindness is. Alyssa how they've specifically said the Woodbine, I don't think there's any room
for
>>> concern here. If she did mention blindness, then I agree, it is concerning very concerning in fact that your
>>> daughter feels she have to's take care of her mother, not because she's alone at home, but strictly because
she's
>>> blind. If you were cited, I don't think your daughter would feel this way
>>>
>>>> Gabe Vega - CEO
>>>> Commtech LLC
>>>> The leader of computer support, training and web development services
>>>> Web: http://commtechusa.net
>>>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/commtechllc
>>>> Facebook: http://facebook.com/commtechllc
>>>> Email: info at commtechusa.net
>>>> Phone: (888) 351-5289 Ext. 710
>>>> Fax: (480) 535-7649
>>>
>>>>> On Jan 12, 2014, at 9:46 AM, "Michelle Creedy " <michelle.creedy at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> People pull this stuff all the time. I went with my sister to pick my ppre-school nephew up from school a
few
>>> years ago and the teacher started on the whole "Oh look how nicely you're taking care of your aunt," thing. He
was
>>> holding my hand in order to walk out of the school. Of course, my sister saw both sides because deep down, it
>>> makes her feel validated that someone is praising her child and showing what a nice little boy he is. Sadly,
>>> sometimes, I think having children brings out the worst in families and others.
>>>>>
>>>>> Michelle
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of sheila
>>>>> Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2014 3:49 PM
>>>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Lockdown Drill at School
>>>>>
>>>>> hi Mark went through a time in which he felt very responsible for dad and I. It didn't help that he was
often
>>> told by others to take care of mom and dad. If mark was out for recess and saw us leaving the house he would
worry
>>> about whether we got home okay. We tried to leave when we knew he was in class hoping he would settle down. We
had
>>> a very suppportive pediatrician so when things came up at school dealing with mark or our blindness we kept
him in
>>> the loop. we had a social worker show up because someone reported among other things that we weren't sending
him
>>> to school and I informed her of the situation and also let her know that we had reliable witnesses and we
never
>>> heard from her again.
>>>>>> On 1/11/2014 2:42 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>>>>> Okay, bear with me, because this does have to do with blind parenting, and weâ¬"ll come to that, but it
doesnâ
>>> ¬"t start out that way. Sometimes things get really compicated, and my questions are one, is there anything
Iâ¬"m
>>> missing that I can do to reassure my daughter that I havenâ¬"t thought of? And two, am I right to keep the
school
>>> counselor out of this, or am I paranoid? I admit I am, a little. My feeling is, once the psychologist gets
>>> involved, an issue is made where there wasnâ¬"t one, and itâ¬"s really hard to get rid of the
professionals once
>>> theyâ¬"re sniffing around. And once someone hints that blindness might be part of the problem, which I
donâ¬"t
>>> think it is at all, then youâ¬"ve got red flags where they donâ¬"t need to be.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> My daughter was already a bit hesitant about going back to school after Christmas Break. Vacation was
long,
>>> and she was starting in with the â¬SIâ¬"ll miss you too much⬠stuff. I donâ¬"t know why; she likes
school and
>>> has friends, so I figured sheâ¬"d pop back into the routine and do fine. I let her wear an inexpensive
necklace
>>> of mine so sheâ¬"d have a tangible connection to me all day and sent her off Tuesday morning with lots of
hugs.
>>> Well thenâ¬
and I think this was poor timing on the part of the school, but thatâ¬"s just my opinion, for
what itâ
>>> ¬"s worthâ¬
the school held a lockdown drill Tuesday morning. I didnâ¬"t know it at the time. I think
parents
>>> should be given a heads-up by automatic phone dialer or e-mail if thereâ¬"s been a lockdown drill in case
their
>>> kids have issues, but whatever. The only thing that happened Tuesday night was that my daughter mentioned yet
>>> again that she thought she should be home schooled. Sheâ¬"d been seeing commercials for K-12 Online, a home
>>> school academy you can do on the computer. I dismissed the idea casually, saying it wouldnâ¬"t be a good
fit for
>>> our family and that she needed to learn at school with her friends, and she went to bed without incident.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Wednesday morning, out of nowhere, she had the queen mother of all tantrums, refusing to go to school at
all.
>>> Kicking, screaming, ripping her clothes off, insisting she was sick. Her dad tried holding her down and
putting
>>> her shoes on by sheer force. I stopped that because I was afraid either he would break her ankle or she would
>>> kick him in the face and smash his glasses. So I made him leave her in her room and shut the door till she
calmed
>>> down. I told her if she was too sick to go to school, she could go back to bed. That was what sick people
did,
>>> sleep. No friends, no toys, no TV, no electronics, nothing. She didnâ¬"t like that idea, so she got
dressed and
>>> went to school. We took TV away that night because of the tantrum and because she was late for school that
day.
>>> I felt bad later because I didnâ¬"t know the motives behind any of it, but she hadnâ¬"t opened up to me.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Well, about eleven oâ¬"clock, her teacher called me, not very happy. She told me my daughter had been to
the
>>> health aideâ¬
there are no RNâ¬"s in schools now, theyâ¬"re health aidesâ¬
three times with a headache
and a
>>> tummyache. No temperature. Neither the teacher nor the health aide believed my daughter was sick. The
teacher
>>> said she was over it; she had 25 other kids to deal with, it was my turn. So I got my daughter on the phone
and
>>> said she could either listen to her teacher and do her schoolwork or come home and go to bed. I wouldnâ¬"t
get
>>> into the â¬SIâ¬"m really sick, Mom⬠discussion with her. I told her no more trips to the health
aide. Either
>>> stay at school and do her work or Dad would bring her home and she could go to bed.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thursday, two more trips to the health aide. That night, my daughter
>>>>>> and I started talking about what was going on. And she told me the
>>>>>> school had done a lockdown drill on Tuesday. In her words, the office
>>>>>> lady had come on the loudspeaker and said they were going to pretend a
>>>>>> man with a gun had run out of the bank and was coming toward the
>>>>>> school. So everybody was going to crawl under desks and tables till
>>>>>> the teachers said it was okay to come out. (I found out later that
>>>>>> nobody came on the intercom and said anything about a gun. That was
>>>>>> either filled in by my daughterâ¬"s imagination or by what the other
>>>>>> kids were saying. Kids arenâ¬"t stupid. The office person said it was
>>>>>> a lockdown drill, the teacher said a drill might happen if there were
>>>>>> trouble at the bank or in the neighborhood, kids arenâ¬"t stupid. They
>>>>>> know what that means. Nobody crawled under desks, which arenâ¬"t
>>>>>> bulletproof; they stood along a cinderblock wall lined with cupboards
>>>>>> with no windows, which might be somewhat better I guess.)
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Anyway, my daughterâ¬
bless her heartâ¬
wasnâ¬"t freaked out for herself. She thinks sheâ¬"s one
of the Power
>>> Puff Girls or Raven from Teen Titans, so she figures sheâ¬"ll kick butt and take names wherever she is. She
>>> started thinking about me, here alone. She started worrying about how old and feeble my guide dog Ballad is
>>> getting and what I would do if the man with the gun ran to the house. So by Tuesday night after the lockdown
>>> drill, she didnâ¬"t tell me why, but she thought she should be home schooled so she could stay with me and
be her
>>> superhero self. And by Wednesday morning, she decided she wasnâ¬"t going to school. When we made her go,
she
>>> tried to get herself sent home sick.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So I reassured her as best I could. I showed her how the dead bolt worked and how far it went into the
wall,
>>> how the door wonâ¬"t budge an inch when itâ¬"s locked. I made her a pinky promise deal that Iâ¬"ll lock
the door
>>> every day, and that when she leaves with her dad in the morning, she can check it herself. I sent her outside
to
>>> ring the doorbell so she can hear how loud the dogâ¬"s bark is from out there. I reminded her how fast the
>>> firemen got here once when we had to call 911 because the neighborâ¬"s smoke alarm was going off and he
wasnâ¬"t
>>> home. I said if a man with a gun was running around and I called 911 and told the police, theyâ¬"d be here
that
>>> fast. Is there anything Iâ¬"m missing as far as reassurances go?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So anyway, hereâ¬"s where the blind parenting part comes in, if youâ¬"ve stuck with me this long, and
thanks
>>> for still reading. I called my daughterâ¬"s teacher to explain all of this because I wanted to let her know
what
>>> effects the lockdown drill hadâ¬
and to find out exactly how it had happened because I didnâ¬"t quite
believe the
>>> kid version of the story. I also wanted to explain why my daughter had been pretending to be sick so much.
The
>>> teacher is great. She understood. But the health aide suggested maybe I should have my daughter talk to the
>>> school counselor because she said she thought my daughter felt overly responsible for me, and thatâ¬"s not
>>> healthy. She said a daughter shouldnâ¬"t feel she has to take care of her mother; a mother should be taking
care
>>> of her child. I told her I do take care of my child. I said I donâ¬"t think weâ¬"re talking about an
unhealthy
>>> relationship here. Weâ¬"re talking about a little superhero who thinks sheâ¬"s going to save the day.
Thereâ¬"s
>>> a big difference. I donâ¬"t believe the health aide would have come to the same conclusion if Iâ¬"d been a
sighted
>>> mom. So far I believe Iâ¬"ve held her off, and Iâ¬"m hoping the problem resolves itself before her
worries go any
>>> further. If my daughter gets sent there with false symptoms again, I asked the health aide to reassure her
that
>>> Iâ¬"m safe and that she checked the lock with her dad in the morning, instead of focusing on the fact that
she
>>> isnâ¬"t sick, which isnâ¬"t the real issue.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I hate these lockdown drills. I suppose weâ¬"re stuck with them in the world we live in, and hopefully
most
>>> kids arenâ¬"t having the reaction my daughter is. But weâ¬"re stealing the innocence from a whole
generation of
>>> kids, and truthfully, Iâ¬"m not sure the drills would have prevented any of the tragedies at Columbine. I
donâ¬"t
>>> know, itâ¬"s said they did help at New Town, where kids knew what to do and moved quickly into position; I
just
>>> hate that kids have to be burdened with this crap!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thanks for sticking with me; itâ¬"s been a hell of a week!
>>>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a
>>> football, and it will be round and full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
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>>>>>
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