[blparent] Lockdown Drill at School

Mon Jan 13 19:55:21 UTC 2014

I definitely don't try to assume a problem doesn't exist till it affects me. 
I hope nobody took anything I said that way.  My outlook is more along the 
lines of something I saw on a guide dog list once.  It was in one of those 
"Ten pieces of advice we can learn from our dogs" type of stories, and it 
said, "Never bite when a simple growl will do."  So if I can toss out a 
slightly humorous, slightly sarcastic remark like, "My kid's a great helper. 
She leaves plenty of Legos on the floor for me to step on," that gets a 
laugh out of everyone but makes a not-so-subtle point that she's like any 
child and she definitely isn't taking care of me, without making a situation 
into a head-on confrontation on the street, it's a win-win for us all. 
Everyone goes home thinking, if the person in question has the capacity to 
think.  If not, I get a laugh out of it, and maybe a passerby goes home 
thinking, or gets a laugh.  I don't have to run around with a chip on my 
shoulder, or have the burden of preaching to the world all the time.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Steve Jacobson
Sent: Monday, January 13, 2014 12:25 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Lockdown Drill at School

Jennifer,

I guess I don't see what would be wrong with saying something like "She is a 
good girl, but I am responsible for
her," if the comment is a general one.  If my kids who are in college now 
helped with a specific task and someone
complimented them, I don't have a problem with that.  If I am walking down a 
street, using my cane, and hanging on
to my daughter's hand so I know for sure where she is, that's different.  If 
the assumption is that she is helping
me by leading me, or if it is a general situation where the comment is made 
that it is nice that she takes care of
her Mom and Dad, both of which have happened, I feel that something needs to 
be said to correct the conclusion
drawn.  My kids do help as do all kids, but my kids don't take care of me, 
at least not yet.  <smile>  We always
have to pick our battles, and we do need to consider how we respond, but I 
don't think it is a good idea to assume
a problem doesn't exists until it affects me which is what I think Gabe is 
very nearly saying.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Mon, 13 Jan 2014 13:31:44 -0500, Jennifer Bose wrote:

>In this case, I actually agree with Gabe. It really doesn't matter too
>much what every person thinks. I kind of liked Rebecca's idea about
>dealing with these comments. When someone says something like: "What a
>good helper you are to Mom!" I just smile and put my arm around Abby
>(My four-year-old daughter, the one they're talking to) and say:
>"She's a wonderful helper. We'll always take care of each other."
>After all, it's good to teach kids about being helpful generally. I
>certainly don't want to turn my kids into built-in readers or exploit
>their help, but if they're interested in helping with tasks just for
>the sake of helping, why not let them and acknowledge their
>helpfulness?

>Jen

>On 1/13/14, Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:
>> Personally, I try to smile and keep it as upbeat as possible.  People 
>> will
>> say, "Oh, she must be so helpful!"  And I'll laugh lightly and say, 
>> "Sure!
>> She's great, about as helpful as an average five-year-old on any given 
>> day."
>> That makes most of them stop and think, and we have a good giggle.  It 
>> puts
>> the whole thing into perspective.  It might work for a preteen as well,
>> since most people know how they can be good as gold one minute and moody 
>> and
>> obstinate the next.  Something humorous and friendly that can bring the
>> situation back into a more realistic light tends to work.  With my
>> kindergartner, something like, "Oh yeah, she picks up her toys as well as
>> any kid does, don't you honey!" or "She plans our menu--it's spaghetti or
>> pizza every night" does the trick.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you 
>> may
>> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
>> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Kate McEachern
>> Sent: Monday, January 13, 2014 9:43 AM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Lockdown Drill at School
>>
>> Hi Steve and list.
>>
>> I have experienced this as well. Nothing too bad, but had a Santa Claus 
>> when
>> my oldest was three spend all his time telling her how great she was for
>> helping her parents and how we were so special. I complained about the
>> Santa, but my oldest has never been a big fan from that time on when it 
>> came
>> to  visiting characters. Have the typical walking down the street and
>> strangers do the it's so nice of you to help your mom thing.  over the 
>> years
>> though I'm starting to think it has nothing to do with us as blind 
>> parents,
>> and more to do with the cited stranger trying to feel better about the
>> situation that they just can't figure out. Not too sure though. would be
>> nice to hear if anybody has tips on dealing with this without coming 
>> across
>> as being an ass. The last thing I want to be is rude to people who  just
>> don't know. It's just not my style, and it doesn't make people remember 
>> the
>> good things about the situation either. Especially not with a preteen, it
>> would be nice to not have people think she's my shopper or my reader. 
>> What
>> are your thoughts?
>> Kate
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>> On Jan 13, 2014, at 10:33 AM, "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Gabe,
>>>
>>> I have never seen a case where a child was complimented for taking care 
>>> of
>>>
>>> their sighted parents, nor have I ever
>>> seen a case where sighted parents were told how lucky they were to have
>>> kids to take care of them, unless we're
>>> talking about parents who live with their adult kids.  As a blind 
>>> parent,
>>> I have had to deal with both sentiments,
>>> and it was an issue when adopting, were we just looking for built-in
>>> readers, etc.  The idea that kids can and
>>> should take care of their blind parents is unfortunately not that
>>> uncommon.  We have to be careful not to fall
>>> into the trap of thinking "if it doesn't happen to me then it doesn't
>>> happen."
>>>
>>> Best regards,
>>>
>>> Steve Jacobson
>>>
>>>> On Sun, 12 Jan 2014 09:53:28 -0700, Gabe Vega - CEO Commtech LLC wrote:
>>>>
>>>> i've seen this with sided parents as well, so to be honest, I don't 
>>>> know
>>>> what the big deal is and what the
>>> connection to blindness is. Alyssa how they've specifically said the
>>> Woodbine, I don't think there's any room for
>>> concern here. If she did mention blindness, then I agree, it is 
>>> concerning
>>>
>>> very concerning in fact that your
>>> daughter feels she have to's take care of her mother, not because she's
>>> alone at home, but strictly because she's
>>> blind. If you were cited, I don't think your daughter would feel this 
>>> way
>>>
>>>> Gabe Vega  - CEO
>>>> Commtech LLC
>>>> The leader of computer support, training and web development services
>>>> Web: http://commtechusa.net
>>>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/commtechllc
>>>> Facebook: http://facebook.com/commtechllc
>>>> Email: info at commtechusa.net
>>>> Phone: (888) 351-5289 Ext. 710
>>>> Fax: (480) 535-7649
>>>
>>>>> On Jan 12, 2014, at 9:46 AM, "Michelle Creedy "
>>>>> <michelle.creedy at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> People pull this stuff all the time. I went with my sister to pick my
>>>>> ppre-school nephew up from school a few
>>> years ago and the teacher started on the whole "Oh look how nicely 
>>> you're
>>> taking care of your aunt," thing. He was
>>> holding my hand in order to walk out of the school. Of course, my sister
>>> saw both sides because deep down, it
>>> makes her feel validated that someone is praising her child and showing
>>> what a nice little boy he is. Sadly,
>>> sometimes, I think having children brings out the worst in families and
>>> others.
>>>>>
>>>>> Michelle
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
>>>>> sheila
>>>>> Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2014 3:49 PM
>>>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Lockdown Drill at School
>>>>>
>>>>> hi Mark went through a time in which he felt very responsible for dad
>>>>> and I. It didn't help that he was often
>>> told by others to take care of mom and dad. If mark was out for recess 
>>> and
>>>
>>> saw us leaving the house he would worry
>>> about whether we got home okay. We tried to leave when we knew he was in
>>> class hoping he would settle down. We had
>>> a very suppportive pediatrician so when things came up at school dealing
>>> with mark or our blindness we kept him in
>>> the loop. we had a social worker show up because someone reported among
>>> other things that we weren't sending him
>>> to school and I informed her of the situation and also let her know that
>>> we had reliable witnesses and we never
>>> heard from her again.
>>>>>> On 1/11/2014 2:42 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>>>>> Okay, bear with me, because this does have to do with blind 
>>>>>> parenting,
>>>>>> and weâ¬"ll come to that, but it doesnâ
>>> ¬"t start out that way.  Sometimes things get really compicated, and my
>>> questions are one, is there anything Iâ¬"m
>>> missing that I can do to reassure my daughter that I havenâ¬"t thought 
>>> of?
>>>
>>> And two, am I right to keep the school
>>> counselor out of this, or am I paranoid?  I admit I am, a little.  My
>>> feeling is, once the psychologist gets
>>> involved, an issue is made where there wasnâ¬"t one, and itâ¬"s really
>>> hard to get rid of the professionals once
>>> theyâ¬"re sniffing around.  And once someone hints that blindness might 
>>> be
>>>
>>> part of the problem, which I donâ¬"t
>>> think it is at all, then youâ¬"ve got red flags where they donâ¬"t need 
>>> to
>>>
>>> be.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> My daughter was already a bit hesitant about going back to school 
>>>>>> after
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Christmas Break.  Vacation was long,
>>> and she was starting in with the â¬SIâ¬"ll miss you too muchâ¬  stuff. 
>>> I
>>> donâ¬"t know why; she likes school and
>>> has friends, so I figured sheâ¬"d pop back into the routine and do fine.
>>> I let her wear an inexpensive necklace
>>> of mine so sheâ¬"d have a tangible connection to me all day and sent her
>>> off Tuesday morning with lots of hugs.
>>> Well thenâ¬ and I think this was poor timing on the part of the school,
>>> but thatâ¬"s just my opinion, for what itâ
>>> ¬"s worthâ¬ the school held a lockdown drill Tuesday morning.  I 
>>> didnâ¬"t
>>> know it at the time.  I think parents
>>> should be given a heads-up by automatic phone dialer or e-mail if
>>> thereâ¬"s been a lockdown drill in case their
>>> kids have issues, but whatever.  The only thing that happened Tuesday
>>> night was that my daughter mentioned yet
>>> again that she thought she should be home schooled.  Sheâ¬"d been seeing
>>> commercials for K-12 Online, a home
>>> school academy you can do on the computer.  I dismissed the idea 
>>> casually,
>>>
>>> saying it wouldnâ¬"t be a good fit for
>>> our family and that she needed to learn at school with her friends, and
>>> she went to bed without incident.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Wednesday morning, out of nowhere, she had the queen mother of all
>>>>>> tantrums, refusing to go to school at all.
>>> Kicking, screaming, ripping her clothes off, insisting she was sick. 
>>> Her
>>> dad tried holding her down and putting
>>> her shoes on by sheer force.  I stopped that because I was afraid either
>>> he would break her ankle or she would
>>> kick him in the face and smash his glasses.  So I made him leave her in
>>> her room and shut the door till she calmed
>>> down.  I told her if she was too sick to go to school, she could go back
>>> to bed.  That was what sick people did,
>>> sleep.  No friends, no toys, no TV, no electronics, nothing.  She 
>>> didnâ¬"t
>>>
>>> like that idea, so she got dressed and
>>> went to school.  We took TV away that night because of the tantrum and
>>> because she was late for school that day.
>>> I felt bad later because I didnâ¬"t know the motives behind any of it, 
>>> but
>>>
>>> she hadnâ¬"t opened up to me.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Well, about eleven oâ¬"clock, her teacher called me, not very happy.
>>>>>> She told me my daughter had been to the
>>> health aideâ¬ there are no RNâ¬"s in schools now, theyâ¬"re health
>>> aidesâ¬ three times with a headache and a
>>> tummyache.  No temperature.  Neither the teacher nor the health aide
>>> believed my daughter was sick.  The teacher
>>> said she was over it; she had 25 other kids to deal with, it was my 
>>> turn.
>>> So I got my daughter on the phone and
>>> said she could either listen to her teacher and do her schoolwork or 
>>> come
>>> home and go to bed.  I wouldnâ¬"t get
>>> into the â¬SIâ¬"m really sick, Momâ¬  discussion with her.  I told her 
>>> no
>>> more trips to the health aide.  Either
>>> stay at school and do her work or Dad would bring her home and she could
>>> go to bed.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thursday, two more trips to the health aide.  That night, my daughter
>>>>>> and I started talking about what was going on.  And she told me the
>>>>>> school had done a lockdown drill on Tuesday.  In her words, the 
>>>>>> office
>>>>>> lady had come on the loudspeaker and said they were going to pretend 
>>>>>> a
>>>>>> man with a gun had run out of the bank and was coming toward the
>>>>>> school.  So everybody was going to crawl under desks and tables till
>>>>>> the teachers said it was okay to come out.  (I found out later that
>>>>>> nobody came on the intercom and said anything about a gun.  That was
>>>>>> either filled in by my daughterâ¬"s imagination or by what the other
>>>>>> kids were saying.  Kids arenâ¬"t stupid.  The office person said it 
>>>>>> was
>>>>>> a lockdown drill, the teacher said a drill might happen if there were
>>>>>> trouble at the bank or in the neighborhood, kids arenâ¬"t stupid. 
>>>>>> They
>>>>>> know what that means.  Nobody crawled under desks, which arenâ¬"t
>>>>>> bulletproof; they stood along a cinderblock wall lined with cupboards
>>>>>> with no windows, which might be somewhat better I guess.)
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Anyway, my daughterâ¬ bless her heartâ¬ wasnâ¬"t freaked out for
>>>>>> herself.  She thinks sheâ¬"s one of the Power
>>> Puff Girls or Raven from Teen Titans, so she figures sheâ¬"ll kick butt
>>> and take names wherever she is.  She
>>> started thinking about me, here alone.  She started worrying about how 
>>> old
>>>
>>> and feeble my guide dog Ballad is
>>> getting and what I would do if the man with the gun ran to the house. 
>>> So
>>> by Tuesday night after the lockdown
>>> drill, she didnâ¬"t tell me why, but she thought she should be home
>>> schooled so she could stay with me and be her
>>> superhero self.  And by Wednesday morning, she decided she wasnâ¬"t 
>>> going
>>> to school.  When we made her go, she
>>> tried to get herself sent home sick.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So I reassured her as best I could.  I showed her how the dead bolt
>>>>>> worked and how far it went into the wall,
>>> how the door wonâ¬"t budge an inch when itâ¬"s locked.  I made her a 
>>> pinky
>>>
>>> promise deal that Iâ¬"ll lock the door
>>> every day, and that when she leaves with her dad in the morning, she can
>>> check it herself.  I sent her outside to
>>> ring the doorbell so she can hear how loud the dogâ¬"s bark is from out
>>> there.  I reminded her how fast the
>>> firemen got here once when we had to call 911 because the neighborâ¬"s
>>> smoke alarm was going off and he wasnâ¬"t
>>> home.  I said if a man with a gun was running around and I called 911 
>>> and
>>> told the police, theyâ¬"d be here that
>>> fast.  Is there anything Iâ¬"m missing as far as reassurances go?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> So anyway, hereâ¬"s where the blind parenting part comes in, if
>>>>>> youâ¬"ve stuck with me this long, and thanks
>>> for still reading.  I called my daughterâ¬"s teacher to explain all of
>>> this because I wanted to let her know what
>>> effects the lockdown drill hadâ¬ and to find out exactly how it had
>>> happened because I didnâ¬"t quite believe the
>>> kid version of the story.  I also wanted to explain why my daughter had
>>> been pretending to be sick so much.  The
>>> teacher is great.  She understood.  But the health aide suggested maybe 
>>> I
>>> should have my daughter talk to the
>>> school counselor because she said she thought my daughter felt overly
>>> responsible for me, and thatâ¬"s not
>>> healthy.  She said a daughter shouldnâ¬"t feel she has to take care of 
>>> her
>>>
>>> mother; a mother should be taking care
>>> of her child.  I told her I do take care of my child.  I said I donâ¬"t
>>> think weâ¬"re talking about an unhealthy
>>> relationship here.  Weâ¬"re talking about a little superhero who thinks
>>> sheâ¬"s going to save the day.  Thereâ¬"s
>>> a big difference. I donâ¬"t believe the health aide would have come to 
>>> the
>>>
>>> same conclusion if Iâ¬"d been a sighted
>>> mom.  So far I believe Iâ¬"ve held her off, and Iâ¬"m hoping the problem
>>> resolves itself before her worries go any
>>> further.  If my daughter gets sent there with false symptoms again, I
>>> asked the health aide to reassure her that
>>> Iâ¬"m safe and that she checked the lock with her dad in the morning,
>>> instead of focusing on the fact that she
>>> isnâ¬"t sick, which isnâ¬"t the real issue.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I hate these lockdown drills.  I suppose weâ¬"re stuck with them in 
>>>>>> the
>>>>>>
>>>>>> world we live in, and hopefully most
>>> kids arenâ¬"t having the reaction my daughter is.  But weâ¬"re stealing
>>> the innocence from a whole generation of
>>> kids, and truthfully, Iâ¬"m not sure the drills would have prevented any
>>> of the tragedies at Columbine.  I donâ¬"t
>>> know, itâ¬"s said they did help at New Town, where kids knew what to do
>>> and moved quickly into position; I just
>>> hate that kids have to be burdened with this crap!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thanks for sticking with me; itâ¬"s been a hell of a week!
>>>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, 
>>>>>> you
>>>>>> may kick it about all day like a
>>> football, and it will be round and full at evening.--Oliver Wendell
>>> Holmes, Sr.
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
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