[blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand
Star Gazer
pickrellrebecca at gmail.com
Wed Jan 15 17:16:47 UTC 2014
Moms always worry about their babies. And, you will always be your mother's
baby. It doesn't matter what you do in this life, she will forever view you
as her baby and want to protect and take care of you.
The in-laws may like you very much but they will always be loyal to your ex,
bfor the same reason your parents will be loyal to you, she is their baby.
If I was your mom, I'd have been very hurt by your comment to me about how
you can manage everything yourself. It may be true, but you came off as
rather abrupt in how you presented it.
This doesn't mean you had to let your dad live with you, but for God's sake,
be nice to your parents. You talk a lot about what your kids are learning
from having a blind parent. The most important lesson we can teach our kids
is how to be nice.
I hope you'll apologize to your parents and that you'll let your kids see
that. Correcting our mistakes is probably the second best lesson to teach
our kids.
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kimsan
Sent: Thursday, January 9, 2014 12:46 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent REparents just don't understand
My parents are divorced, and have been since I was a young buck, pretty much
my middle daughters age, 8.
I live in the eastern part of the state, and my parents live
on the western part of the state, so I hardly see them.
My family has always been careful, which word I use here, so
I will just describe it and people can pick their own word lol.
I left my mom's house after graduating high school and
wanted to experience independence and trust me, I had no plan of what I
wanted to do at the time, I just wanted to leave.
I remember my mother being so sad and worried about how I was going to make
it, I told her my plans and how financially I was going to make things
happen as I was unemployed, so I left two months later. 13 years later, I
never went back, it isn't pride, it isn't stubbornness, I like my
independence, and yes, it's been rough but every time I look at my 3 darling
girls, in our beautiful home, it was all worth the stress and bs I went
through.
I bring this up because I am not sure if it is just a simple
case of being naïve, or what but here's the story...
Last feb, my wife after 9-years came home and said, she was
done, and wanted no more of the marriage, 3-weeks later, our house caught on
fire, she left town two months later with her boyfriend, I ended up going
for soul custody for our children, and got soul custody this past October
when the divorce was finalized.
>From march to June, while our house was being repaired, I was staying at my
soon to be x-wife's mother's house until it was repaired. Also, at this
house there were about 10 people and we had to sleep on the floor/couches.
During all of this, I was still working my full time job, running my
business, helping the girls with homework and doing all the things that
parents normally do with their children. I'm getting to my
point/question/thought...
Anyways, my mom actually calls and says I am sending your dad down there to
live with you until everything settles down. "you have no family there and
you are blind." My entire family during the summer came down and they
actually said to my face, "if the judge sees that you are living here alone
with the children, and you being blind, you will lose those kids. There is
no way a judge will let a blind person raise children, alone." This was all
in the mits of my divorce, fighting with the x, new summer job, running my
business etc, so I had to show them the door and said, look, if you can't
support me through this endeavor, get the f out. I'm staying strong and
maintaining my focus for my girls. In a months time, they saw their house
catch on fire and mommy and daddy break up and they saw mommy drive away
with her new boyfriend. Someone needs to be strong and do the right thing
and right now you are not helping matters. The conversation ended, well, if
you end up getting "punked" in court, do not come crying to us.
I put parents just don't understand in the subject line, but
maybe it's deeper than that. As a blind person who has become a successful
blind person, no, I am not making tons of money, or am I well-known, but I
make enough to do what is important, raise my daughters, and have money set
aside for college for them etc.
What frustrates me at times is no matter if the evidence is in front of
people, you as a blind person will still get questions, doubts etc. I have
two college degrees, have a full time stable job, run a business, bought my
house and my family still views me as this blind guy who will have problems
managing lol. I don't know if people here experience this some times but
it's irritating, so let me switch it back to the mailing list topic so I
will not be moderated for going off topic.
It is such the learning experience now that daddy is mom and dad daily. Mom
use to do all the cooking and cleaning, now when they see daddy cooking,
they get mezmorized and I remember my 8 year old coming into the kitchen and
was like, "wow! Daddy you can cook?" lol, remember, my wife at the time
didn't want me cooking for whatever reason when we were married, but anyways
that was cute.
I just hope with my girls being so young and with them having a full time
blind parent around juggling all that I do, will leave an impact and they
will get something out of this later in life.
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of sheila
Sent: Tuesday, January 7, 2014 3:16 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent RE3 kids being SNEAKY
oh yes, when Mark was little,my folks came about every two weeks like
clockwork. I felt like I was under a microscope. I finally told Mom that it
wasn't fu when they came and it really stressed me out I filt that nothing I
did was good enough.They mean well but it can be painful.
On 1/7/2014 3:37 PM, dawn stumpner wrote:
> Hi, Jo Elizabeth and Everyone,
>
> Yes, there have been a few times that my sons throughout the years
> have used the fact that I couldn't see to try to get away with small
> things, for example, trying to leave the house with their hair a mess
> or high water pants on their way to school or pushing a bunch of stuff
> under the bed when cleaning their rooms thinking that I wouldn't
> check. Most of the time, I figure out what they are doing, and we've
> talked about how sneaking, whether it be getting around my lack of
> vision or sneaking in any other way, is a form of dishonesty, is
> hurtful, and lessens trust. I think this message has gotten through,
> and the kids don't do any more sneaking than I've heard of my sighted
> peers talking about their kids doing or remember my brother, my
> cousins, and me doing with our parents. I feel I've done a good job
> over all in imparting the lessons I would like my kids to carry
> through life with them. They are loving, curious about the world
> around them, generous, and for the most part cooperative and able to
> put themselves in other people's shoes.
> What bothers me sometimes is my dad's reaction to my lack of sight.
> On the one hand, he was very supportive of me as I grew up, including
> letting me do things like travel overseas that he wasn't always
> comfortable with. On the other hand, perhaps because he is of an
> older generation, I'm a woman, I'm divorced, and I'm blind, he
> sometimes acts more like the primary parent when he visits than just a
> grandpa. I have mentioned to him that he yells at my kids for things
> that he doesn't yell at my brother's daughters for, and he responds
> that my nieces have two sighted parents, and that he feels like he has
> to correct my boys because I can't always see what they do and my
> husband isn't there now and wasn't on top of things before the
> divorce. Each thing that the boys don't do thoroughly, such as
> leaving their dishes on the table, needing to be told to clean their
> rooms again and again, or having to be told to shovel the driveway
> more thoroughly seems to him to be because I can't see what kind of a
> job they have done. My sighted friends deal with the same issues as me
> needing to tell their kids to do a job twice because it wasn't done
> well the first time, etc., but although he says that I do a good job
> and can do things as well as other people, other things he says make
> me feel like what I'm doing isn't enough and is somehow inferior to
> what I would be able to do if I could see and that the kids would not
> try to get away with anything if I could see.
> Sorry for the long message. Your email just made me think of some
> of these related issues for me, and it's hard for me to be concise
> about them. Have any of you ever had difficulty with family members
> or friends thinking that what you do is either amazing when it's just
> ordinary or that any difficulties you have are because of lack of
> sight and that they need to be there to make sure everything turns out
> okay?
>
> Dawn
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sleigland%40bres
> nan.net
>
_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/kimsansong%40aol.com
_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/pickrellrebecca%40gmai
l.com
More information about the BlParent
mailing list