[blparent] Moms Clubs and Winter Travel

[Briley O'Connor]

Steve,

You’re absolutely right about perspective. I forget sometimes that there are limits to what sighted people can see or even notice. It’s easy to downplay our skills and what we can contribute because it isn’t the same as being able to see. Then, something happens like this. My nephew is 2 and my mom (who is fully sighted) was playing with him outside. He was walking around the yard on this wooden small barrier that separates the yard from the hill. Suddenly, he tipped over and when rolling head over heels down the hill into the bushes. He was wearing thick clothes because it was warm, and he stood up and said “I’m ok, I’m ok.” Mom told me that just to remind me that being able to see didn’t help her at all in that situation. Kids fall, kids get a scrape sometimes, and that’s ok.

Anyway, thanks for the perspective and the reminder.

Briley
On Nov 18, 2014, at 3:20 PM, Steve Jacobson via blparent <blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:

As the list moderator, I don't want to see this spin out of control as can sometimes happen.  Each of us has our 
style of communication and that has to be kept separate from the content.  In reading this thread, I didn't see 
anything that seemed particularly critical to me.  When my kids were young, there were definitely situations where 
I was not comfortable.  I found that having someone with another perspective on a given situation provide that 
perspective was very helpful.  Sometimes it helped me deal with fears that I had, and helped me deal with 
circumstances that I may otherwise have avoided.  Most often, it turned out that I figured out ways of handling a 
situation that I was not sure I could handle.  Once in a while I got through a situation but decided it wasn't 
important enough to be revisited.  <smile>

There is an emotional difference between what we can't see where are kids are concerned and what others don't see, 
I realize that completely.  However, it is easy for us to assume that everything we miss is being picked up 100% of 
the time by sighted parents and this just isn't true.  The example of a sighted mom who has two kids that take off 
in the opposite direction is not all that uncommon.  Parents vary in terms of their attentiveness as well.  If 
every accident that a child had was due to a blind parent missing the boat somehow, no children of sighted parents 
would ever have an accident and we know that is not the case.  Generally the staff in a play area is going to have 
had some training and such, and parents in a group are going to tend to watch out for each others kids to some 
degree.  What is important, though, is if a blind parent in a group of sighted parents is perceived as 
intentionally expecting others to watch their kids without returning anything.  This is worth worrying about, but 
we also have some control over that.  Thinking about how one can give back in those situations is important, and 
even being up front about what you can do and cannot do helps.  Even something as simple as volunteering to bring 
more than one's share of the treats can help, or being willing to lead a subgroup of kids in a game.  While most 
sighted parents I knew understood what I couldn't see, they were generally surprised at what I could observe by 
hearing.  I did not hear the same things they saw, but occasionally I heard something that was not readily obvious 
visually.

The other point that StarGazer made that seems to have been missed is that not every opportunity is a once in a 
lifetime opportunity, although she didn't say it that way.  If there is a situation with which one is truly not 
comfortable, wait for a better situation.  However, particularly if one is a new parent, there are going to be a 
lot of situations that will make one uncomfortable, and one will learn to become comfortable with most of them but 
it does take a little effort.  Still, dealing with uncomfortable situations isn't something we do for ourselves, we 
do it for our kids so they get the same opportunities as do other kids.  

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Tue, 18 Nov 2014 14:08:35 -0500, Brandy with Discovery Toys via blparent wrote:

> Wow a bit critical are you? Those places are very very loud, and not all the
> same, and if she doesn't already have a relationship she has every reason to
> be worried on how the best way is to enjoy this for everyone. Although she
> may be able to supervise her child uneducated well meaning people may see
> her otherwise.



> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star Gazer
> via blparent
> Sent: Sunday, November 16, 2014 7:29 PM
> To: 'Jessica Reed'; 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Moms Clubs and Winter Travel

> Indoor play places are great! Why do you picture total chaos and moms
> wanting to take care of you? Everybody goes to these places for the same
> reason, get out of the house, get their kids out of the house and both kids
> and adults get to interact with the outside world. 
> The staff is very good at making sure kids don't escape from these places,
> remember they want to stay in business. Moms with two or more kids can't
> physically be in two places at once which means even if you see a kid trying
> to make a break, the mom who belongs to that child may not be able to stop
> it. I don't know why you'd think other moms would view you as a liability.
> Of course, if that's how you view yourself, then others will too, but the
> solution is to view yourself as having every right to be there and wanting
> to have a good time. 
> Lastly, you do not have to go on this outing. Your baby is young enough that
> she won't care. Your baby may not even be all that mobile. I was at such a
> place last week. My baby was all over the place crawling and exploring and
> meeting other babies. I was talking with another mom who's baby was
> perfectly happy to be strapped in the carrier and just watch the other
> babies. Our babies were close in age, hers just didn't seem to need or want
> the same type of experience mine did. 
> Really though, if you aren't ready, you don't need to go this week. I am
> assuming that you are a mentally healthy adult and that when your baby is
> ready, you'll find a way to meet her needs. You've already been meeting her
> needs, so this is just one more aspect of that.


> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jessica
> Reed via blparent
> Sent: Saturday, November 15, 2014 8:53 PM
> To: 'Melissa Ann Riccobono'; 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: [blparent] Moms Clubs and Winter Travel

> Hello All,
> I have only written in once, so I probably should reintroduce myself.  I am
> a long-time federationist from Fredericksburg Virginia.  My daughter Lila is
> 7-and-a-half months old.  Though my husband works long hours at times, I
> feel extraordinarily fortunate to be able to stay at home with Lila.  We are
> fortunate to live in an extremely walking friendly smallish town.  There is
> a bus system, but it is far from perfect.   

> I am writing with two somewhat related questions.  First, how many of you
> were or are currently members of moms clubs in your area?  I am in the
> process of joining one, and have procrastinated because of my blindness.
> For example, there is an event this week where moms are meeting at an indoor
> playground.  I am a graduate of LCB and have had training, but all I
> envision in this situation is chaos and moms worried about taking care of me
> or even viewing me as a liability.  My worries and apprehensions are many,
> so I would love to hear any tips or stories.  I recognize that some of how I
> am feeling is normal to all in any new situation, but I do think that
> blindness compounds it.   

> On a different note, I am also nervous about the approaching winter.
> Sighted parents can easily travel from house to heated car to building.  We
> don't drive, and either walk more in the cold or wait for a taxi in the cold
> or wait for the bus in the cold.  How does this work with babies and young
> children?  There are no bus shelters in Fredericksburg.  How does one travel
> in the snow with babies and small children in the snow?  Again, any feedback
> you can provide would be greatly appreciated.  

> Thanks in advance,
> Jessica Reed
> P.S. Rereading my message I see what a fretting mom I sound like, maybe I
> am.  i am my own worst enemy.  Lila and I have already been to the library
> and the playground independently, and I fretted about this beforehand as
> well.  I just want so badly to give my daughter every opportunity I can.  
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Melissa Ann
> Riccobono via blparent
> Sent: Wednesday, October 22, 2014 12:17 PM
> To: 'Miriam'; 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] To a new mother

> This is a great list to start with. I'll add two of my other favorite items.
> One you'll want ASAP, and one you can wait a little while to purchase, but
> might want to register for.

> By far, the thing I have used most with all three of my kids, and continue
> to use even though my youngest is now 2, is a comfortable rocking chair. I
> went all out and purchased the one I really wanted, with help from some very
> nice friends and coworkers who gave me gift cards. I got a glider rocker
> that has a foot stool that also rocks. It reclines, and it can still rock
> while in the reclined position, which has been a life saver many times when
> I have been exhausted and just wanted to lay back, but the baby still wanted
> to be moving. My chair also has really nice pockets on the sides which have
> been great for storing all types of things over the years. Remember, no
> matter whether you nurse or bottle feed, you'll be sitting down a lot
> holding, cuddling, and feeding your baby. Also, as your baby gets older, he
> or she might want to rock while being read to, want to be held because of
> illness... And the list goes on and on. You will want a comfy place to sit
> while you do all of these things... Although I know some babies do prefer to
> be walked. I usually ended up "compromising" with my kids. I would walk
> until I couldn't any more, and then we would sit and rock. This usually
> worked. I know not all babies like being rocked. I was lucky because all of
> my kids have loved it--at least most of the time. Also, there have been
> studies done that show if you rock while you're still pregnant, the baby
> might be more likely to be comfortable with that motion and soothed by it
> after birth. So, if you are planning to get a rocker, or all ready own one,
> you may want to do some resting and rocking while you're still pregnant. I
> did this during all of my pregnancies, and this was a really nice time for
> me to have a few minutes to talk and read to the baby. Of course, sometimes
> I was also rocking my other kids, and this was a nice time for them to talk
> to the baby as well. There are lots of rockers out there, so have fun trying
> them out, and, if you decide you want one, just go all out and purchase the
> one you really want. Think of it as an investment--something you can and
> most likely will use for this child, any future children, and possibly even
> just as a nice piece of furniture after this baby and any other babies you
> might have are too big for rocking.

> The other item I always suggest to new moms is a booster seat with a tray
> that straps onto a regular chair. This could be used as your main high
> chair, depending on what model you get, how much room you have in your house
> for a regular high chair, and what your budget looks like. We have a high
> chair as well as our booster, but our booster has been extremely useful in
> so many situations. To name a few: We often take our booster to friends
> houses so our kids would have a safe place to sit and eat, and still be at
> the table with us. The booster has straps also to fasten the child in, so it
> was great not only to have our kids have a safe place to eat, but also
> somewhere they couldn't get down from, or fall from, unless we let them out.
> We have also taken our booster to many hotels. Ours has little legs which
> come out the bottom, so we can set it on the floor, and the child can sit in
> it to eat. Hotel rooms usually have nice chairs, so it's been great to be
> able to feed our kids and not have to worry about messiness on hotel chairs.
> Finally, we have taken our booster seat to restaurants with us sometimes.
> Restaurants don't always have high chairs,  and even when they do, the
> chairs themselves are not always the greatest quality. Oh, we've taken the
> seat to my husbands work tons as well... And our two year old now sits in it
> at mealtimes. It helps her reach the table, although we don't need to strap
> her in or put the tray on most of the time now.

> I hope this has helped. You may want to hold off on getting pacifiers. Most
> of the time, hospitals will give you one to try out before you go home if
> you want one. Our first child loved his for about three months. Then he lost
> interest, and I was glad not to have to wean him away from it at an older
> age. Our second child absolutely hated pacifiers and did not want anything
> to do with them ever! Our thir child liked the pacifier for a very short
> while. So, you might want to learn if your child likes the pacifier before
> purchasing them. 

> Oh, one more thing... I got a bouncy seat second hand from my sister, and it
> was a life saver. All of my kids liked it, and it was one place my middle
> child would sleep well when she was a small infant because she had some
> reflux, and the bouncy kept her more upright. Again, not all babies like
> these, so you might see if you can borrow one, or buy one second hand in
> case your child hates it. The same goes for a swing. All of my kids loved
> ours, and it had music and nature sounds, and reclined so we could put even
> our tiny babies in it. But, this is an expense, not absolutely necessary,
> especially if you're tight on room... But, maybe it's something you put on
> your registry and if someone, or a group of people, buys it for you, then
> you might have something nice your baby will love. And, if not, you can sell
> it to someone else and buy something else the baby needs, or you want to get
> the baby.
> Thanks for reading this novel! Good luck with your pregnancy!
> Melissa Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Miriam via
> blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2014 8:58 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] To a new mother

> First of all, congratulations. Hi, my name is Miriam. I have never written
> into the list although I've been reading it for a while. I have three  young
> children. I  was thinking about the most important things to have when
> having a baby. And this is what I came up with. Of course, everybody has
> their preferences. Also, I am apologizing in advance for this being so long.
> 1.  A baby carrier this is by far the most important piece of baby equipment
> for me. I have found that the most comfortable ones are the soft structure
> carriers. I have a catbird pikkolo. They are more expensive but well worth
> it..
> 2. A sleep sack with a swaddle like the halo sleep sack swaddle instead of
> wrapping babies in a receiving blanket. It is much easier to get a safe
> tight swaddle this way. It also helps to make sure that you dont  keep their
> hips too tight. 
> 3. A medicine syringe with a notch so you know how much medicine to give.
> 4.  A medicine Passy. This is basically a pacifier that has a place on the
> bottom for you to put in Medicine This makes it a lot easier to give them
> medicine.
> 5.  A pacifier clip. This helps not to lose Passy's. Although that happens
> all the time anyway.

> 6.  A bath with a sling. This helps so that you don't have to hold the baby
> in the right position. There are many to choose from you have to find the
> one that you like best.

> 7. A saline spray and aspirator. This is to help to unclog their nose. When
> they have a cold or I just stuffy. This tends to happen a lot in the first
> few months.

> 8. Bactroban for soreness from nursing. This is if you are choosing to
> nurse. This is a little hidden secret that helps the most. It is
> prescription but most doctors will give it to you. Also, this is safe for
> your baby while nursing. It does not get absorbed into their blood.
> 9. A cradle. I use the arms reach cradle. This attaches to the side of the
> bed and also has a way to put all four sides up. There are many to choose
> from but this is what Ilike because I can hear and feel my baby during the
> night without getting up.
> 10. Clothing. Of course. I really like the cotton zip up one piece outfit.
> They are really easy and avoid snaps. I just have to be careful not to cut
> their skin. To do this, it is helpful to first do the top snap  they all
> have and then zipper the rest of it. These are also very cheap.
> 11. A carseat

> Also, I have found that baby Center is the best place to get answers for
> questions.one last thing. I think the most important thing is to have
> someone to talk to you and run by things with. I would be glad to talk to
> anyone directly through email. My email address ismdffeiner at gmail.com
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