[blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

[Judy Jones]

Hi, Jessica,

This stage has been generally called "The Terrible 2s" for a reason. 
Granted, she is not 2, but all moms, sighted or blind have their hands full. 
Keep in mind that when you look at a lifetime, this stage is very short and 
you will definitely get through it.  You'll find that as your child is 
growing, you will be called upon constantly to problem solve, so place 
yourself in the solution mode, not the problem mode.  In other words, focus 
on solutions.

Remember that she is no longer the baby to care for, but is developing a 
personality of her own and learning and growing, and she will continue to do 
so, just know you are leaving babyhood, but is okay to feel stressed 
sometimes, and know these times are going to have more fun associated with 
them than stress.  Focus on enjoying her as stress free as possible, and 
allow your communication with her to grow, just as she is growing.

Teeth brushing, like any habit comes with a lifetime of training, and it 
won't be done perfectly for a while.  I think the biggest thing is to 
introduce it, then when she is stressing, forget it until the next day, then 
try again.  Introduce it bit by bit, and she will gradually come to 
understand this is a daily habit.  But by that time, she will grow into a 
better understanding.  With any things you are trying to train her in, once 
you notice a stress level, drop it until the next day or time.  Training 
comes gradually, and the most important thing is to experience as little 
stress as possible.

For going out and about, we always used to use the hand holder for walking 
toddlers, which is two wrist straps, one for mom and one for toddler, 
connected with a coily cord, like that of a telephone cord.  This allows her 
freedom to bounce, jump, and body motion, yet staying attached to you.  You 
can reel her in in an area where she needs to be more closely supervised.

For non-walking, try a frame pack.  Our girls loved their packs and were 
quite content to ride along.

One thing we used to do is to have the girls take our hands to show us what 
they wanted.  A very common phrase was "Show me with my hand."  If they were 
trying to point, and we couldn't see where, we would have them take our 
finger in their fist, then we would revolve in a slow arc, and they would 
pull on our arm as we zeroed in on what they were pointing at.  Of course we 
did this with giggles and noises, so it was like a game, but they were able 
to communicate what they saw.

Being a blind parent in an unfamiliar area takes a lot of legwork.

The whininess could be for a lot of reasons.  Maybe she is reacting to your 
recent move, but if this is the case, she will settle once she feels secure. 
We moved when our eldest daughter had just potty trained, but she reverted 
to diapers for a while.  That was okay, though, and this phase didn't last 
for long.

I get the feeling you are so stressed, you may not be relaxed enough to 
really enjoy her, if I am wrong, you are welcome to correct me, but the more 
relaxed you are with your mind off the problems, the more energy you can 
spend tuning into her and the environment, and having fun.

Keep your mind on the big picture.  If you consider 20 years raising a 
child, that is less than a third of your life.  Try to keep your mind on the 
big picture, focus on the important relationship-building issues and enjoy 
her.


Judy
-----Original Message----- 
From: Jessica Reed via blparent
Sent: Monday, June 1, 2015 6:30 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Jessica Reed
Subject: [blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Fellow blind parents,



I really don't post very often, so I probably should introduce myself a
little.  I am a 31-year-old stay-at-home mother of a 14-month-old toddler,
Lila.  My husband is sighted, but works a significant amount of time.  We
live in a bedroom community in between our nation's capital and Richmond,
Virginia.



If I am honest, I feel like I am drowning in this new stage of toddlerhood.
First, any suggestions on brushing a toddler's teeth?  I tried for the first
time last night, and it was a complete stressful disaster!  My usually
congenial child was screaming and wrestling to get out of my grasp.  Tonight
I used a regular toothbrush, not the figure kind, and a different baby tooth
paste.  It went a lot better.  There were no tears or wrestling match,
though I really doubt her teeth got clean at all.  Any specific feedback and
suggestions would be greatly appreciated!



Second, how do you do it?  She is not quite walking, but practically, and
already all over the place.  In the last two weeks she has all of the sudden
become so winey, but only with me.  I have heard this is normal, since I am
her mother, but so often she is just driving me crazy!  Please don't
criticize me for that statement, I beg you.  I love my daughter more than
life itself, and to admit that makes me feel like a horrible human being.
We have recently moved into a bigger home.  Lila has a child safe play room
full of toys.  We also get out at least once a day.  I take her to play
groups, the library story time, the playground, and any where I can think
of. I have hired babysitters that come to give me a break.  Again, I feel so
horrible for feeling so frustrated and depressed as I do.



Lastly, how do you best interact with children at the walking, but preverbal
stage?  There are times where I think she is trying to communicate and I
feel like I am missing out on so much.  I can't interact with her the way
sighted folks seem to.



Thank you for reading.  I really hope any of your suggestions and past or
present stories will help me threw.  Again, I love Lila more than life
itself, but just feel. Have any of you ever felt this way?  I want the very
best for my daughter and can't help but feel like I am failing daily.



Jessica



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