[blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Wed Jun 3 17:35:10 UTC 2015

Thanks all for the kind words and advice.  I try hard to create "me" time,
and now that it's summer my husband should be around nights.  (He is a
welding instructor during the school year as well as his main job.  He is
pretty much gone from 4a.m to 8p.m during the school year.  I also neglected
to mention in my last message that we very recently moved into a bigger
home, just handed the keys over to our other house yesterday.  Huge sigh of
relief!  Jon still has some serious unpacking and organizing of his stuff,
but the end is insight.  (He has a ridiculous amount of tools for his job as
an iron worker.)

Thank you again for your support.  A few months back, when we were house
hunting for a bigger house in a very specific location, I reached out to
another blindness group on Facebook.  I was trying to figure out how others
balanced finding a decent sized home without sacrificing independence.  I
pretty much was told that I was dreaming.  We were blind and therefore
trapped and I should know that by now and get over it.  Needless to say, I
was devastated.  I was shocked at how many parents flat out said that Lila
would get used to not really leaving the house much.  I bring all this up,
not to slam the group, but just as a glaring reminder of the strength of the
NFB philosophy.  

Thanks Again,
Jessica K. Reed

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Melissa Ann
Riccobono via blparent
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2015 2:12 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Melissa Ann Riccobono
Subject: Re: [blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Hello Jessica,
You have gotten some wonderful advice all ready. Let me just add a few
things which come to mind. First of all, I really did not enjoy many aspects
of my kids' toddler hood. I found the time between 18 months to two years
particularly difficult because of how mobile my kids were, and how little
they understood about danger, the word "no", all of the testing they tried,
etc. It sounds as if your daughter is just hitting that stage on the early
side--which probably means she is smart and a little ahead of the
curve--which can be great but also very challenging! Also, I clearly
remember my kids--my son especially--having whining days, and/or melt downs
with me and then being as sweet and loving as can be as soon as his dad got
home. I learned quickly to laugh it off, but I also made sure to let my
husband know about the difficulties I'd had throughout the day. He was
generally very good about making sure he could spend some extra time with
our son--or our daughters once they came along--in order to give me a break.
I learned to take those breaks, and even to ask him for them. This has been
very important! My husband also travels a lot for his job, which translates
into working long hours at times, so open communication about when I really
need some time for just me has been essential. So don't feel bad about
feeling that way. Don't feel as if you have to be with your daughter 24 7
and never do things you enjoy. Even a couple of hours away can put things
into perspective and make the next few days just that much easier.

When my son--my oldest child--was a toddler, I read a really good book
called The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I am sorry I cannot remember the
author, but I downloaded it from NLS BARD. I did not follow every bit of
advice from the book, but it really helped me put the toddler stage into
perspective and helped me feel much less like a failure as a parent. I know
finding time to read can be difficult, and I also know books do not have all
the answers, but I wanted to mention that book in particular because it
really did help me a lot.

Other than that, hang in there, take deep breaths, and really do try to
enjoy the little things with your daughter. I love music and singing, so for
me sometimes an escape was turning on music I liked--whether it was
specifically kid music or not--and dancing with my kids. We still do a lot
of dancing together as a family. I also really like the water and swimming,
so I bought a wading pool and water table for my son, and also had them
available when my daughters came along, and we spent lots of time outside
doing water play. I mention this because the weather is getting warmer, and
the water was something all of my kids really enjoyed which kept us all
occupied for long periods of time. Also, since my kids had to be supervised
while doing water play, I did not focus on what things needed to be done in
the house, what I was not getting done, what my kids were getting into that
they shouldn't--because they and I were focused on something fun and were
enjoying it together. Maybe water play is not what will be your thing with
your daughter, but I really encourage you to think about things you really
enjoy and then seeing whether there is a way to have your daughter share in
that activity.

Finally, it sounds as if you do get out with your daughter which is
fantastic. I hope you know other moms who you can talk to, get out with,
share baby sitting time with, etc. If you don't know other moms, you might
want to try to get to know some. And, if you have friends without kids, then
make sure you schedule time with them either with or without your daughter
so you can add that adult conversation into your life.

Hang in there! It does get easier in some ways--yet harder in others. Being
a parent is the toughest and most rewarding job you will ever have. I am
sure you are doing a great job most of the time, which will, in the end,
make up for those times when you just have a bad day and do or say things
you wish you didn't afterwards. But, apologizing to our kids and helping
them realize that we are human too and make mistakes is also important,
especially as they grow older, so I try to view every mistake I make as a
possibility to learn and to teach.

Take care,
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: Jessica Reed via blparent [mailto:blparent at nfbnet.org]
Sent: Monday, June 01, 2015 8:31 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Jessica Reed
Subject: [blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Fellow blind parents,

I really don't post very often, so I probably should introduce myself a
little.  I am a 31-year-old stay-at-home mother of a 14-month-old toddler,
Lila.  My husband is sighted, but works a significant amount of time.  We
live in a bedroom community in between our nation's capital and Richmond,
Virginia.  

If I am honest, I feel like I am drowning in this new stage of toddlerhood.
First, any suggestions on brushing a toddler's teeth?  I tried for the first
time last night, and it was a complete stressful disaster!  My usually
congenial child was screaming and wrestling to get out of my grasp.  Tonight
I used a regular toothbrush, not the figure kind, and a different baby tooth
paste.  It went a lot better.  There were no tears or wrestling match,
though I really doubt her teeth got clean at all.  Any specific feedback and
suggestions would be greatly appreciated!  

Second, how do you do it?  She is not quite walking, but practically, and
already all over the place.  In the last two weeks she has all of the sudden
become so winey, but only with me.  I have heard this is normal, since I am
her mother, but so often she is just driving me crazy!  Please don't
criticize me for that statement, I beg you.  I love my daughter more than
life itself, and to admit that makes me feel like a horrible human being.
We have recently moved into a bigger home.  Lila has a child safe play room
full of toys.  We also get out at least once a day.  I take her to play
groups, the library story time, the playground, and any where I can think
of. I have hired babysitters that come to give me a break.  Again, I feel so
horrible for feeling so frustrated and depressed as I do.

Lastly, how do you best interact with children at the walking, but preverbal
stage?  There are times where I think she is trying to communicate and I
feel like I am missing out on so much.  I can't interact with her the way
sighted folks seem to.  

Thank you for reading.  I really hope any of your suggestions and past or
present stories will help me threw.  Again, I love Lila more than life
itself, but just feel. Have any of you ever felt this way?  I want the very
best for my daughter and can't help but feel like I am failing daily.

Jessica 

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