[blparent] blparent Digest, Vol 130, Issue 14

[dawn stumpner]

Hi, Kim
     I'm sorry that's happening to you and your son.  Two of my 
three kids have some special needs.  My oldest was diagnosed 
pretty young with ADHD, but we found later that this was probably 
a misdiagnosis.  Anyway, it's rough that your son's father is 
backing away, but you're doing the right thing hanging in there.  
There will be rough patches for both you and your son, but there 
will be many many wonderful stretches too, and supportive people.  
My sons' dad was growing very distant too, not because of the 
boys' special needs, but other things, but regardless of the 
cause, it is a painful thing.  In my case, my ex-husband had a 
lot of things going on that made him this way.  I found out that 
he had secretly returned to drinking after giving it up many 
years before (shortly after we'd met), he was in denial about it, 
he was becoming dishonest about many many things, was not taking 
responsibility for his own actions or for helping taking care of 
the kids and keeping jobs, and eventually got in trouble with the 
law and tried to hide it from me.  I felt I could not trust him 
any more about anything and was afraid to leave the kids with him 
when I went to work.  I didn't want to be a part of that or 
expose the kids to all of that, so though I knew divorce can be 
painful for kids, I decided it was much preferable to staying 
together.  I have not regretted that decision for one moment.  
There are challenges to being a single parent, to be sure, but 
the kids and I are very very close, and we have done very well on 
our own in spite of the challenges of having three, and now 
teens.  Keep in touch, be strong, it while you learn from the 
negative things, stay positive!
     Dawn