[blparent] My Daughter

Mon May 11 21:28:46 UTC 2015

All,

As the moderator, I do not have the luxury of only letting through those posts with which I agree.  In fact, the 
assumption is that we are adults here and posts are not controlled unless someone has specifically gone out of 
their way to ignore the requests of the moderator and others.

While I would not have been as blunt as Stargazer, the fact is that the presence of a care-giver, and the necessity 
to move are things that Rob brought up himself.  For us to truly provide meaningful advice, we would need to 
understand both of those items better to know if they play a role in all of this.  I know that there are health 
issues that require care-givers, but this really is not the place to get into those kinds of details.  We would 
have to understand, for example, whether Pat had concerns about the care-giver or exactly what her concerns might 
be regarding sarah.  It should be clear to all by now that this is way too complex to be discussed in this kind of 
forum.  

Someone suggested here that we should be providing Rob with resources.  This is why I suggested that it would be 
best for him to get in contact with people in his area who would know what kind of local support is available.  I 
believe Rob is involved in the Orange County chapter of the NFB of California, and he is, or at least was the 
president if my memory is correct.  There are people there who are closer to this geographically who would be in a 
better position to know what might be helpful to him.  

I truly hope that Rob will try to work together with his "X" to get to the bottom of his daughter's current 
difficulties, and to figure out what can be done to provide her with the best environment for her.  Like Stargazer, 
I am uneasy that we don't really have a complete picture, and the advice we give may not be good advice regardless 
of our intentions.  We have probably taken this about as far as we can.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Mon, 11 May 2015 15:46:25 -0500, Dianna via blparent wrote:

>Sounds like to me you have a problem because you judge people.  That is why
>I do not deal with most blind people these days.  For the most part blind
>people tear each other down.  I don't think he wanted to be judged when he
>asked his questions.  If I were running this list your post would not be
>still up.  There is no call for your comments towards him in my opinion.

>-----Original Message-----
>From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star Gazer
>via blparent
>Sent: Monday, May 11, 2015 3:38 PM
>To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>Cc: Star Gazer
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>				You had the resources to move halfway across
>the country, find a fiance and be active in activities you care about. 
>Realize that as a parent, you may and probably will find love after a
>divorce, but you can't just move all over the place and live wherever. If
>you're sick, you need to find a way to be sick while still caring for your
>family. That means talking with the teacher a lot, not "after a long time".
>It means interacting with your children so that you know what's going on
>with them. It means spending time with them. My point is that you've found
>plenty of resources for what you care about, your fiance and your church.
>You haven't cared enough about this child to call up a few family attourneys
>and talk with them. You didn't keep this child's best interests at heart
>with a custody agreement. Your ex didn't either which is too bad. 
>There is way more going on here then blindness. You are just a self-centered
>human being who uses medical words so people will believe your sob story and
>who happens to be blind. You also speak of this child as an object. You
>didn't "inherit" her, that word choice is telling. Blindness isn't your only
>problem. 

>-----Original Message-----
>From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Rob Kaiser
>via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 3:53 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Rob Kaiser
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>oops: I went back to Chicago to get away from a care bad care giver. I came
>back after nine months to sing for a memorial service. My mom wanted me to
>come back right away, but it was a while before I had the leg surgery. AFter
>that, I decided to stay out here in Socal. Thank goodness I did, because the
>last 2 Winters have been BRUTAL.!!!!! They say your blood thins out when you
>are in warm weather for a long time. I belive believe it, because the Winter
>I was in Chicago, the Winter was relatively mild, and I couldn't take even
>that cold.

>Rob Kaiser
>email;
>rcubfank at sbcglobal.net
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Dianna via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 12:40 PM
>To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>Cc: Dianna
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>He can ask the child questions without "grilling"  that is what caring
>parents do.  I did not know you left Chicago either.

>-----Original Message-----
>From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Tammy via
>blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 2:37 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Tammy
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>Hi,

>No offense meant here, but I don't think grilling your daughter is the way
>to go here.  You really need legal help.  If your daughter is in danger, you
>will be able to legally find that out and a legal agreement can be drawn up
>by the court.  You said you're her guardian?  Are you her biodad as well?

>Tammy

>-----Original Message-----
>From: Rob Kaiser via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 3:20 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Rob Kaiser
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>Pat has custody, but in the divorce, Breann didn't come up because my
>Divorce attorney told me that I wasn't oblligated to pay Breann Child
>Support. Pat & I worked it out ourselves. When I came back from Chicago and
>decided to stay out here, and when I moved from Pat's house over to the
>Extended stay hotel, I started taking Breann on the weekends. this also
>allowed me to take her to church with me on Sundays so Breann could attend
>Sunday School. When Sarah got into the picture, everything changed. Last
>year, I was in Orange where Pat lived. Sarah & I wanted to take Breann out
>for icecfream. Pat said "no." At the same time, Pat & Breann were facing
>eviction. I offered to take Breann up with me and Sarah in case the eviction
>happened. that way, Breann would be in a safe place with a roof over her
>hhead and properly fed and clothed. Again, Pat said "No" to this. She will
>not tell me why she won't let me take Breann with me for a few days. I have
>assured her that I will bring Breann back to her mom. I said that because I
>thought Pat was thinking that I was going to keep Breann with me
>permanantly. That was the furthest thing on my mind. Now, I feel that I
>might need to get Breann out and away from her mom. There was an incident a
>year and a half ago when Pat (she is diabetic) and her sugar went very low.
>Breann told me that her mom could hardly speek. I qasked Breann if she knew
>about calling 911. She said she did, but she told me that her mom wouldn't
>let her call them. I told Breann that when her mom gets to that state, she
>needs immediate medical attention. I told Breann to call 911 first, and
>then, call me so that I could get there to make sure that Breann was going
>to be safe while her mom went to the hospital for attention. Pat (which
>complicates things even more) now has a full blown ulcer. She told me at
>Christmas, that she is barely eating anything. That could put her diabetes
>in more jepardy in my oppinion. I'm going to have to ask Breann some key
>questions so that I can get an idea what is really going on there.

>Again, tghanks for the suggestions.

>Rob Kaiser
>email;
>rcubfank at sbcglobal.net
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 12:05 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>Legal guardians is one thing, but visitation rights is another.  What does
>your custody agreement say about where Brianne lives, and who has her for
>what percentage of the time?

>Jo Elizabeth

>Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
>kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
>evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Rob Kaiser via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 12:57 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Rob Kaiser
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>Thanks for the informatio. When I spoke to Breann the other day, she was
>really pushing for me to come and get her, but she keeps saying her mom
>won't let her come up here. I might be talking to Breann later today, and I
>will do what you suggested.

>Thanks.

>Rob Kaiser
>email;
>rcubfank at sbcglobal.net
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 10:37 AM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>Michael is right.  We would need to know more about your custody agreement.
>Busting in there with the police is not usually a great way to go about
>things, if the police would even oblige you.  What you need to do is take
>your custody agreement to someone who deals in family law and go from there.
>Maybe you can find a legal practice that works on a sliding scale, if
>finances are a problem.  Have you spoken to Brianne about this, asked her if
>she has an unfair burden of household chores?  If not, talk to her, but
>don't put that idea in her head before she tells you about it.  Let her tell
>you how she feels, what she would want her summer to look like as far as a
>time split between you and her mom.

>Jo Elizabeth

>Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
>kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
>evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Michael Baldwin via blparent
>Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2015 8:52 AM
>To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>Cc: Michael Baldwin
>Subject: Re: [blparent] My Daughter

>What legal rights for Brianne does your X have? If you and her both have
>legal custody of Brianne, with no set rules about who gets her when, I doubt
>the police would do anything.
>If you have sole custody of your daughter, then I think you're a fool for
>letting her down there, away from you.

>Michael

>-----Original Message-----
>From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Rob Kaiser
>via blparent
>Sent: Saturday, May 09, 2015 9:24 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Cc: Rob Kaiser
>Subject: [blparent] My Daughter

>Hello all:

>This email may be quite long, and I appologize for this:

>As many of you know, I have a guardian daughter, Breann. At this time, she
>is staying with her mom in Orange. I am currently living in Moreno Valley,
>CA. Over a week ago, I spoke with Breann's teacher for the first time ina
>long time. I was told that her grades are really slipping from As & Bs to Cs
>and Ds. There has also been behavioral problems with Breann. I told my
>X-wife that I would like to bring Breann up to Moreno Valley on a weeken.
>for some reason My X-wife Pat, doesn't want to let me do that. She told me
>that if I want to see Breann, I can come down to her house in Orange.
>Because of the poor atransportation (public, pera and Metro link) on the
>week ends, and that would be the best time for me to spend quality time with
>Breann, it is next to impossible for me to get down there on the weekends
>unless my fiance, Sarah is available to drive me down there. I have every
>right to have Breann. I am still her legal Guardian. I am tempted to give
>Pat an altimadum, and tell her that I can come down on a Friday and get her
>and bring her up here until Sunday evening or very early Monday morning on
>the train. If she won't comply, I am thinking about comeing down there with
>the police and a coppy of the guardian ship papers. I don't want to get the
>police involed, but I might not have a choice in this. Has anyone else had a
>situation like this?

>I also feel that Pat (with her poor health) and with my step son, Jesse who
>use to do everything for Pat (get Pats' meds, clean the house go to the
>grocery store ETC.) Now, I have a feeling that Breann (who just turned 11)
>is now going to have to do all of these things. Breann (as I just wrote) is
>only 11 years old. I'm afraid that she (like Jesse) will not have a normal
>child hood. I really want to get Breann out of there amicably, but I don't
>think that will happen. I really could use some sugestions on this matter.

>Thankss to anyone who can help me on this.

>Rob Kaiser
>email;
>rcubfank at sbcglobal.net
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