[blparent] Intro and Question about city accessibility

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

My apologies if you thought I was being rude.  I believe I was being direct, 
straight up, telling things the way they are.  I'm not riding a high horse, 
nor am I jumping down your throat, and I think you spoke to both Stargazer 
and me quite rudely in your reply.  When you ask a question on an open 
forum, you need to be prepared for a variety of different answers, some of 
which will offer perspectives you might not be prepared to hear.  Instead of 
getting defensive, it might be worth listening to points of view that differ 
from yours.  They may offer ideas you hadn't considered before.  I've found 
that in my life, I've learned the most from people whose ideas were 
different from mine, and honestly, usually from the words I didn't want to 
hear, from those who annoyed me, or those I wanted to snap at first thing. 
I've learned as I got older to hold back my angst and anger and think before 
flying off the handle, because there are often nuggets of truth I need to 
listen to when I'd rather not.  Just saying.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Amanda Matheny via blparent
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2015 2:37 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Amanda Matheny
Subject: Re: [blparent] Intro and Question about city accessibility

Jo, there is really no need to be so rude.

I am not looking for perfection. Hello, I did say those were
guidelines! I also said that I wanted suggestions similar to the
examples I gave, along with advantages and disadvantages of them so I
could consider all the options. Get off your high horse and if you
can't answer the question, don't jump down my throat for it!

Star gazer, not every city is the same with regard to judgmentalism,
and I submit that your remark that I must be the cause is judgmental
in and of itself. Quite simply, some cities are more known for being
accepting of differences while some do tend to shun others. For
example, Portland, one of the examples I gave, does seem to be
generally less judgmental than San Antonio, where I currently live.

Again, if you don't have something helpful to contribute to the
question I asked, don't bother answering it. Maybe I shouldn't have
even bothered asking!

On 5/15/15, Jo Elizabeth Pinto via blparent <blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Frankly, Amanda, you seem to be looking for perfection.  Life is what you
> make it, wherever you go.  You have to take the good with the bad, make 
> the
>
> most of what you want and learn to step around what you don't like and 
> leave
>
> it behind you.  There's an awful lot in the world you don't have control 
> of,
>
> so control what you can and let the rest roll off.
>
> There are churches everywhere, so avoid them or join them.  There are 
> people
>
> with kids everywhere you go, so meet them.  There are conservatives,
> liberals, moderates, Democrats, Republicans, blind people, sighted people,
> yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, blah, everywhere--get past it.  There's 
> crime
>
> everywhere, so deal with it.  Get a home, be as safe as you can.  Install
> safety features, ask someone from the local police department to come over
> and check out your place; they'll do it for free.  Not only will you know
> your home is safe or learn how to make it so, but you'll be getting 
> yourself
>
> acquainted with local law enforcement.  It's good to let the boys in blue
> know you're there.
>
> As far as the legalization of drugs goes, you're not really going to get
> away from that issue.  Okay, maybe you can dodge the pot shops on the 
> street
>
> corners for a little while if you stay out of Colorado and Washington, but
> there's a bill in Congress right now suggesting that the Federal 
> government
>
> drop all enforcement against anything to do with medical marijuana.  Not
> recreational, just medical.  Still, it's on the way.  Legalization is
> spreading like wildfire.  And, as someone who lives and travels in Denver,
> where the dreaded pot shops are, I can say that they have never once 
> caused
>
> me a lick of trouble.  I travel, I raise my kid, I mind my own business.
> I've never been attacked by crazy stoners.  I've never been ambushed by
> potheads.  The crime rate hasn't skyrocketed because of recreational
> marijuana; the shops are very securely run.  You're allowed your criteria;
> I'm not judging you.  I'm just saying, we made marijuana legal here in
> Colorado, and the sky didn't fall.  You seem to not want people to judge 
> you
>
> for being blind or a single mom, but you sound very judgmental against
> "potheads" and "smokers."
>
> Open-mindedness toward the blind.  Hmmm.  Now that's something we all look
> for, everywhere.  It's something we're glad when we find, frustrated when 
> we
>
> don't, on a personal level, day-to-day, hour to hour.  It doesn't matter
> where you go, Amanda, you'll be blessed with people who are open-minded 
> and
>
> cursed with those who are not, year in and year out.  North, south, east, 
> or
>
> west--good luck.
>
> University--that's a good criterion.  The financial stuff, okay, makes
> sense.  Weather--again, you're looking for paradise.  I'm not sure there's 
> a
>
> place on the map that doesn't have some kind of extreme weather or 
> another.
>
> Here in Colorado, it's thunderstorms and tornadoes.  The tornadoes don't
> happen that often, so we learn to stay safe and not think about them too
> much.  We teach our kids to watch the skies and take cover in interior 
> rooms
>
> with hard-backed books over their heads if the sirens go off, and to get
> their butts out of open fields and swimming pools if they see lightning.
> Out west, it's earthquakes.  Down south, it's flash floods, in the 
> southeast
>
> it's hurricanes, and up north they get  blizzards.  Pick your poison.
>
> And you want this place to be final, because you aren't moving again?
> Honey, life doesn't work that way.  I'm about to turn forty-four next 
> week.
>
> Now, that doesn't make me a geezer by a long shot, but I have learned a 
> few
>
> things.  When I bought this condo in 2007, I had visions of moving in 
> here,
>
> putting down roots, and living here till they carried me out in a body 
> bag.
>
> Creepy, right?  The day after I put down earnest money--the money you pay
> and can't get back--I found out I was pregnant with my daughter.  Okay,
> well, the condo had two bedrooms; I just wouldn't have the home office I 
> had
>
> envisioned.  Workable.  But then through a knotted mess of circumstances, 
> it
>
> was decided that her dad would move in with me.  Cramped, but sort of
> workable.  Well, then her dad had a son who wanted to visit sometimes, and
> her dad needed a place to bring work home, and she got older and wanted a
> cat, and she got even older and wanted a fish tank, and ... and ... and 
> the
>
> upshot is, now that I'm not underwater on the mortgage for the first time
> since 2007, I'm looking for a larger house.  So you never know what life
> will throw at you.  I'm just telling you this to say that--don't kid
> yourself into thinking at thirty-one years old with a four-year-old son 
> that
>
> you can plan your life out and decide what city you will live in forever
> based on your research about the political climate and whether the smokers
> are respectful or not.  Life doesn't work that way.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Amanda Matheny via blparent
> Sent: Friday, May 15, 2015 10:12 AM
> To: blparent
> Cc: Amanda Matheny
> Subject: [blparent] Intro and Question about city accessibility
>
> Hello,
>
> I had joined this list before, but left when things got very hectic
> and I needed to reduce my list mail. I am back now and I have a
> question, but first I will briefly introduce myself.
>
> My name is Amanda. I will be 31 in a month and a half and I have a
> 4-year-old son. I am a single mom. We're currently living in Texas,
> but I don't feel like this is where I belong and am planning to move
> after I finish my Bachelor's degree. I was originally planning to move
> to Portland, Oregon, and may still, but there are some problems with
> Portland that are forcing me to reconsider my plans. Speaking of
> which, that is the other part of this email.
>
> At present, I have three possible options, though there are advantages
> and disadvantages to all three. Let me describe myself and what I am
> looking for in a place, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of
> my current options, and if you think you know a place that fits the
> bill, please suggest it and why you think it fits. I will then
> research all the options in an effort to make a good decision for
> myself and my son.
>
> I am not religious. I consider myself agnostic. I am visually impaired
> and my son is fully sighted. Both socially and politically I am middle
> of the road. I'm direct middle of the road politically, neither
> republican nor democrat. Socially I am leaning slightly liberal. I
> like to tease that I am too liberal for Texas, but quite likely too
> conservative for Portland, which is very liberal. I love the outdoors
> and I have a good independence level. I prefer to do things without
> assistance whenever possible. I am a Special Education major. Here are
> some basic criteria I want in a city to move to. I don't expect any
> city to meet these perfectly, but it should do so as closely as
> possible.
>
> 1. I'd like to have friends there. Of course there are lots of places
> I don't have friends, but if I don't have them already, it should be
> pretty easy to meet and connect with other people, including those who
> have kids in my son's age range because I'll need to make friends for
> both of us. Of course a city where I already know at least a couple
> people will be most likely given priority, but if one that does not
> already have people I know fits these criteria better, it will still
> be considered.
> 2. Must have good public transportation. The fixed route system should
> span the entire city, possibly even suburbs, and should run
> frequently, no more than every 20 minutes on weekdays, 30 on Saturdays
> and hour on Sundays, and if it's better than that, so much the better.
> A couple of light rail options doesn't hurt either. Paratransit should
> be reliable when needed for appointments and such.
> 2. Low crime rate, especially violent crimes and sex crimes. I do not
> want to put myself and my son in an unsafe environment. Any city is
> going to have some level of crime, but it should not be overrun by
> crime.
> 3. Very little drug use, and drugs should be illegal. Part of the
> problem with the northwest is the legalization of drugs, like
> marijuana, not only for medical use but for recreational use. I heard
> they're even planning on putting pot stores on the streets, like
> liquor stores, and a few people I know that live up there have said
> more people are using drugs and doing so publicly for all to see. This
> is intolerable to me and I will not expose myself or my son to it. I
> hate smoking of all forms and if I could help it, I wouldn't expose
> myself to cigarettes either, but they are everywhere so that is
> unavoidable. However, if you live in a place where smokers are at
> least respectful of non-smokers, and tend to stay clear of them,
> especially children, then it might be worth considering.
> 4. People should not be judgmental. I know that in some cities, people
> are more open minded toward the blind than others. That is actually
> one of Portland's advantages. Around here, they're nothing but
> patronizing, with very few exceptions. I want to live in a place where
> I can put my degree to good use and not be assumed incapable based on
> my blindness.
> 5. Should have a university. This is a must as I intend to pursue my
> Master's degree in Special Education with a focus on visually impaired
> students. My current focus is mild/moderate as that is all that is
> offered by my online university, so I'll need to transfer to a
> physical one for a VI focus.
> 6. Reasonable climate. Texas gets a lot of flash flooding and
> thunderstorms. One of Portland's advantages is that while it gets
> rain, it's usually not as heavy or violent. Salt Lake is another
> option I've considered that I like, but I don't like the snow,
> especially when the sidewalks are not plowed. That doesn't rule them
> out, but it's something to consider. I'd prefer a nice, moderate
> climate, very little extreme weather problems such as hurricanes,
> tornados, and absolutely no earthquakes! I couldn't handle those.
> 7. Ideally should have Section 8 wait lists open or apartments with
> open wait lists that do project based section 8 or similar state based
> programs. Money is tight for myself and my son, who are currently
> living in a mobile home and only paying lot rent. Unfortunately we
> can't take the mobile home with us or we could just find an accessible
> community there, and we can't afford to buy a new one, so when we move
> out, we'll have to go section 8 or similar until I finish college.
> We'd prefer a 2 bedroom section 8 or similar so we don't have to share
> a room since he's used to his own now, but that actually should be
> easier since most 1 bedrooms get a lot more full than 2 bedroom ones.
>
> I'm sure there are other things I'd like but these are some of the big
> ones. Now here are the possibilities for the three cities I've
> considered and their advantages/disadvantages. One of them has been
> entirely ruled out and I will tell why in its description.
>
> Portland Oregon: Advantages - great public transportation system,
> friends in and near the area, some with kids my son's age, almost
> everything accessible, easily navigable address system, people seem
> open to the ability of the blind, Portland State University, mostly
> reasonable weather. Disadvantages - A bit too liberal for my comfort,
> legalized recreational marijuana along with expanding public use and
> the emergence of pot shops, severely limited blind services, though
> Portland residents can acquire services from Vancouver Washington if
> needed.
> Salt Lake City, Utah: Advantages - Another great transit system,
> friendly people, easy to navigate, know the area from living there
> before, University of Utah, my son's old pediatrician from when he was
> a baby if she still works there, who I trust and often tease that I'd
> like back, some friends there, though none with kids. Disadvantages: A
> little too conservative and religious, though not so bad in the main
> city, snow and often unplowed sidewalks during the winter, making
> travel more difficult, ex's family lives there (haven't figured out
> yet if this is actually an advantage or a disadvantage.)
> Plano, Texas: Advantages - Friends from high school, even several
> sighted ones that don't tend to judge, most with kids around my son's
> age, I know my way around since I grew up there, weather is usually
> okay but can get bad at times. Disadvantages - limited public
> transportation so need to walk most places, no university
> (dealbreaker)
>
> I know this is kind of long, but I'm trying to be thorough. I'd prefer
> a place I've visited before as well, but I haven't visited too many
> places so that may or may not be doable. I'm going to have to do some
> thinking, researching, and soul searching, because wherever I go, I
> want it to be final and where I end up settling. Feel free to make any
> suggestions you think might fit the bill. Thanks!
>
> Amanda
>
> --
> Amanda Matheny
> Website: www.craftyfrugalmom.com
> Twitter: @craftyfrugalmom
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-- 
Amanda Matheny
Website: www.craftyfrugalmom.com
Twitter: @craftyfrugalmom
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