[blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

I tried a Mommy and Me group, and for me, it was an absolutely miserable 
experience.  I'm not saying it will be awful for you, but there are 
definitely some things I could have done differently that might have changed 
the outcome in my situation, or at least improved the odds that things might 
have worked out better for me.  I never went back to give the group a second 
try, so I don't know if I could have educated the moms or structured the 
environment in a more accessible way or anything during future visits.

First of all, find out where the group you are interested in holds its 
meetings.  I went to a group that met in a large room at a rec center. 
Strike one.  The moms sat around some tables that were set up in a horseshoe 
formation at one end of the room, and the kids played with toys on a rug at 
the other end.  The room echoed because of the high ceiling and the vast 
space, and I couldn't hear much of anything that went on with my child once 
she wandered away from me and went for the toys she hadn't seen before and 
the new playmates.  Plus, she kept wanting to dart outside every time the 
doors were opened.  The setup was not ideal for a blind mom, and I may have 
given the other moms the idea that I couldn't keep tabs on my child very 
well.

Then,, decide how you will get to the meetings.  I called the number on the 
Web site and chatted with the mom who ran the Mommy and Me group.  She 
seemed nice, and when she offered to pick me up on her way to the meeting, I 
accepted gladly.  It was winter, and taking the bus with a squirmy toddler 
while there was ice on the ground wasn't my idea of a good time.  The mom 
and I found plenty to chat about during the car ride to the meeting.  Having 
kids the same age seems to open up the communication channels.  But as soon 
as we got to the rec center and I was settled comfortably in a chair, the 
mom disappeared among her friends, and that was the last I saw of her. 
Strike two.  Use your own transportation so you can leave if you want to. 
All of the other moms in the group knew each other well.  Very well, in 
fact.  I was introduced briefly, and after that, I might as well have been 
invisible.  I was given fruit and coffee, but the moms were doing some kind 
of craft, and I wasn't asked to join in.  That was just as well because I'm 
not too good at those artsy sorts of things, but I felt more and more 
uncomfortable at the meeting as time passed.  Especially since I had a lot 
of trouble keeping an ear out for my daughter.  I figured she was doing okay 
since she wasn't fussing and she didn't seem to be starting trouble with the 
other kids, and mostly I was listening to make sure she didn't go out the 
doors when people came and went.  Now and then she brought toys to show me, 
and I heard some of the other moms commenting about that, but I felt like I 
was being watched as if I were a science specimen, and definitely not part 
of the group.  I wondered if I should somehow impose myself into the 
conversation when I heard some remark about how my daughter showed me toys, 
but I wasn't sure what to say.

Finally, the hour and a half was up--it felt more like a year and a half to 
me--and the mom who had given me a ride came back around to take me home. 
She told me I was welcome to come along to any Mommy and Me events in the 
future, and I thanked her and said I would let her know if I was interested, 
but we both knew at that point it wasn't going to happen.

So, what I would recommend is, if you want to go, ask questions.  Find a 
group that meets in a small room.  Find a group that has outings to places 
you want to go.  The group I went to had a lot of young, upscale moms--I'm 
an older parent, for starters, and maybe not as outgoing as I should be. 
Maybe I didn't try hard enough to break into the social group, or maybe I 
just didn't have enough in common with that particular demographic.  I could 
have searched for a different group, but the wind had been thoroughly taken 
from my sails by that point, and I never did look.  Once my daughter started 
school, I found it easier to be present in her classroom.

Jo Elizabeth

"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Tara Briggs via blparent
Sent: Tuesday, October 06, 2015 3:44 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Tara Briggs
Subject: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

Hi, have any of you who are stay at home moms joined a mommy and me group? 
My sister-in-law found a couple of groups in Utah where I live. I'm thinking 
about joining one of them. If any of you have been a part of mommy and me, 
or a playgroup for preschoolers, how did it go? Do you have any advice?
Thanks!
Tara

Sent from my iPhone
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